We Love You Donovan! (Not McNabb)

So I was at an off-site work meeting for most of this morning, constantly sneaking glimpses at my co-workers' Android phone-powered live feed of this match / trying not to get fired. What...OFFISDES!? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

[whispering]
"We just need to bomb every country with a FIFA ref, period."
"Oh, totally."

Second half was spent in the office, blatantly watching the shit en español on Univision's website. Then it happened. 91st minute stoppage-time goal by newly-christened American Hero Landon F. Donovan. The office exploded. Car horns and cheers coming from the streets. Full on Sparta.

Next up is Ghana. And even though I'm jealous that your country's name translates to "Warrior King," you're goin down like a 16-year-old hooker on Lawrence Taylor. THESE COLORS DON'T RUN.

In closing: eff England, eff Slovenia, eff Algeria, eff Mali...eff the world at this point. Hey France, hows my ass taste?