Chooch: The Best Player on Earth Post

By TWW friend 'Anonymous'

I know what I am about to say will be met with a lot of mouth farts and head shakes. Many of you will say, "Hey, Anonymous, stick with your obligatory hockey posts and smart ass comments in the comment section." But I keeps it real.

So here it goes: Carlos Ruiz should bat fifth. I, 2, 3, 4, FIF.

Hechos es Hechos, Putas

He vuelto a hacer. En el séptimo inning, el tío Charlie me instó a batear de emergente. Los Dodgers respondieron con Broxton. Rápidamente me golpeó la mierda débil, y fue galardonado con 2 RBI's.

Me gusta caca on Broxton casi tanto como yo disfruto arroz y frijoles.

Con Amor,
Chooch


(you may need this: google.translate.com)

Carlos is a Handsome Little Devil, A Short Ballpark Story

As you may have heard, everyone's favorite Panamanian catcher was honored with his own bobblehead last night. Foremost, I have to say that this is one of the cooler bobbleheads in my collection. Between him being down in a plate-blocking stance and the fact it comes with a removable mask, I'm in love with this thing. Certainly cooler than quasi-racist lawn gnomes or any typical mid-swing batting bobble.

Clearly I was not the only one who thought this. Everyone loves Carlos Ruiz. That was evidenced by A) THE LARGEST CROWD OF THE SEASON and B) the prison-like bartering from some the Citizen's Bank Park employees. While paying for my price-inflated cheesesteak, the Tony Luke’s girl handing out the trays of food quietly leaned in and asked each patron the same question. “Trade your bobblehead for a free steak?” At first I thought she was joking. After realizing she was completely serious, I was just caught off guard. She looked seriously upset when I declined. No one I went to the game with accepted the trade, nor did I see anyone else in line make the swap. That would basically be placing a value of $8.50 on your bobblehead. Not worth it in my opinion, but you can't blame the employees for trying to get some Chooch. I'm sure some extra hungry fatass took a whiff of the whiz and made the rash, heat-of-the-moment steakswap.

But as we tweeted last night, and was pointed out by TWW friend Eric, this may be the most handsome bobblehead of all time. I mean just look at those deep brown eyes, the chiseled features, and his stoic ceramic determination! It's like they modeled Ruiz after a young Antonio Banderas . TOO SEXY MY FRIEND!

Or maybe he just looks like a generic Italian guy. One or the other. Either way: great bobble, Carlos. No homo.

Was This "The" Game?

Every season there seems to be a game when you know things are turning around. In 2007 it was this game. In 2008, it was this one. And last year it was this. It happens every year, the one game comes along when suddenly it all clicks and the Phils take off. In '07 and '08 that came off of huge wins against the hated Mets. Last year, it was a huge blowout of the Reds right before the All-Star break. This year? Well...hopefully it's tonight's incredible comeback against the Dodgers.

It's an understatement to say that this season hasn't gone as planned so far. After all the injuries and bad play and Joe Blanton, it would be easy to write this team off (which I've almost done twice so far). But, games like this keep us believing there is a chance. Games like this keep us thinking "maybe this crazy ride doesn't have to end this year."

For one second, let's take a look at Broxton's epic collapse in 9th inning:

P Polanco hit by pitch.

M Sweeney walked, P Polanco to second.

J Werth walked, P Polanco to third, M Sweeney to second.

B Francisco grounded into fielder's choice to left, P Polanco and M Sweeney scored on error by third baseman C Blake, J Werth to second.

C Ruiz doubled to deep left center, J Werth and B Francisco scored.

Wow. Almost unbelievable, except that we've seen a lot of this over the past few years. Not only have our Phillies made a habit of coming back just when you thought they were dead, but they've absolutely owned Broxton for over two years now. They make the guy look like Adam Eaton, only less gay and more fat. Hell, he didn't even record an out tonight against a Phillies lineup missing THREE All-Stars (and a Ross Gload Face). Suffice it to say, Philadelphia is his daddy.

So, let's hope this is the game. Let's hope our Phils take off from here (hell, they've pretty much already taken off, they're 16-4 in their last 20 games), catch the Braves and head into the playoff ready to dominate. Sounds about right to me.

Go Phils.

TheWizWit Wallpaper Wednesday!

As our friends over at The700Level have pointed out, voting for the 2010 MLB All-Star team is now underway and our boy Carlos "Chooch" Ruiz needs to be in there like swimwear. Why? Well, because he's playing stupid, dumb, retarded, mentally-challenged, down-syndrome, slobbering-on-himself baseball right now.

All the big-name Phils will most likely make their way onto the NL All-Star roster either as a starter or bench player, so Charlie Manuel will basically be coaching the Phillies against the AL All-Stars. However, because Chooch's name isn't as famous as your Halladay's, Howard's, or Utley's...he is a likely All-Star snub. For a guy leading the Phillies (and much of the NL) in most statistical categories, this makes my mindgrapes supersad.

You want stats?

Overall in the NL, Carlos Ruiz leads all Catchers in AVG with .354 and is 3rd overall in the NL. Closest to him is Chicago's Geovany Soto, who is batting a solid .325. In OBP Ruiz shows a whopping .481 and leads the entire NL (although Soto again is closest with .476). In SLG Ruiz takes a small dip behind Soto with .488 compared to .525...but seriously, who cares about the Cubs? Ruiz also has 21 BB, which is tied for 9th in the NL (Pujols). He’s hitting .368 with runners on, currently showing a 1.000 Fielding Percentage, and has 178 Putouts in 2010 already. Sure, Chooch only has a couple ding-dong kaboom's so far this season, but after taking into account every other offensive and defensive stat, there is no reason why this man should not be an All-Star.

With all that said, I (with great pride) present...Chooch: So Hot Right Now!

Ruiz Turns His Swag On, Signs New Deal

Carlos Ruiz was the only arbitration eligible player remaining for the Phillies. Like the Durbin, Blanton, and Victorino before him, Ruiz has cashed in with a contract extension.

The deal has been reported, but not made official by the Phillies yet. CSN Philly is reporting it to be a 3 year deal worth $9 million. MLB.com has said it is a 3 year deal worth $8.85 million with $5 million option for a fourth year.

Either way, one of the more underrated players on this team is locked up (along with most of the core players on the team) for the next few years. Not enough can be said about the way Ruiz manages the pitching staff, plays defense, and blocks balls in dirt. His hitting has improved over the years, and is a career .303 hitter in the playoffs.

Phillies fans and women across the Delaware Valley can rest assured their Chooch will be sticking around. Have you noticed how many women have come to love Ruiz? It's rather impressive. He could probably steal my girlfriend if he wanted.

NLCS - Game One Diary

I honestly thought that after the Phillies brought home the World Series trophy last year, I’d calm down just a little while watching these games. I was wrong. I’m still a total head case, only now I have an insatiable need for winning…again. To be honest, it’s really not too good for my health. But you know what, that’s exactly what makes this Phillies team so damn good. They have a desire, a need, an addiction even, to winning. And that is why, going into this series, I’m eerily calm.