Oilers Need to Get a Dog or Go to Church

By TWW friend 'Anonymous'

Apparently, the Edmonton Oilers had a little peepee in their pants during the first period of Tuesday night’s game. The young Oilers team was criticized for playing nervous and scared as they sat back and watched the resurgent Flyers squad do work on em'. Flyers outshot the Oilers 17-1 in the first period. That's on some video game shit right there. Flyers win 4-1 with a nice 2 goal game from Jeff Carter.

Thank God! I was checking for used puppies and online ministries myself after that 4 game slump. We needed to beat up on a team like this for our own sense of self, I mean, we are the bullies after all. Lavs and Homer played this losing streak the right way. After that blow-out Rangers game, the Flyers players were given the silent treatment and told to go home.

"They were just as embarrassed as the rest of us after that game. Sometimes you just got to pull away and let them sit in their own pile of shit and hit them the next day."- Paul Holmgren

Just a couple more things. 1.) Giroux needs to shoot, stop with the no look drop passes. I like you...but you’re crazy. 2.) Andreas Nodl and Nickolay Zherdev were both scratched. This is a fair deal. If one is out, the other should be out too. If only Zherdev and Nodl could find a pair of those DBZ earrings, or learn the dance and fuse together to create one good player, that'd be perfect... Nickoleas Zherdl would be the shit. That's all I have to say about that.

LET’S GO FLYERS!

What The F!?! Flyers Lose 4 In A Row, Thankfully Not Crying Like The Heat

By TWW friend 'Anonymous'

I had a conversation with a friend when the Flyers acquired Kris Versteeg, and he said, "I hope he isn't a black cat like Kyle Calder was a few years back." And then I said, "Yeah, that would suck." We are now in serious "black cat" watch. Even though he is scoring, we keep losing. Hey Kris - Put your mouth piece in your mouth and stop turning the puck over, will ya?

What happened to Cobourn and O'Donell? O'Donell is old and hurt, but Braydon Cobourn is just getting beat time after time. March is Defensive Awareness Month, so you best recognize, Cobourn.

Our power play and penalty kill are weak. Special teams are at like a 73 right now. The next McDonald's Power Play contestant is scheduled to make $300,025… or something like that.

We lost that nice 7 point lead in the East. It's now down to a two point lead over Boston for the number one spot. I want home ice advantage guys. I need a nice little 6 game win streak, EARLY!

It's hard for me to sit here and say that I'm not worried. But I'm not. All the teams they lost to suck, with the exception of Toronto. (Who might actually be able to do some damage if they get into the playoffs.) It's hard for the Flyers to get motivated to play teams that are in desperation mode. The Rangers game was a different story. What, you forgot that they were The Rangers? Flyers vs Rangers Sunday games are great! Flyers played their worst game of the season and got shut out 7-0 at home on live National Television against a big time rival. That shit is not cool. If that wasn't a wake up shot, then I don't know what is. Don't go Mia Wallace on me, Flyers; I can't be plunging needles into your breast plate.

But we're not in panic mode - it's more of a "deer in headlights" mode. It's hard for us to tell if this losing streak is a truck or not. If it turns out to be a tractor trailer, and not kids with flashlights, then it is indeed panic mode time.

Jody Shelley hinted there is some trouble in the locker room regarding players work ethic, and it’s an issue the team will remedy on its’ own. Hockey players are known for policing themselves, and Jody Shelley is a big ass dude that is hard to argue with. I hope everything works out, Jody. Not only with the team, but whatever that knot is you got goin' on in your ass cheeks.

LET'S GO FLYERS!

[pic via Scott Levy / Getty Images]

Flyers Trade Deadline Talk And Shit

By TWW friend 'Anonymous'

So obviously the word is out that TheWizWit is the official place to be when it comes to what the Flyers should do and shit. I mean, why else would they bring Zherdev back into the lineup, if not for my "Let Zherdev Spin" campaign? How bout that Versteeg Richards Zherdev line the other night? ... Jordan! (Is it now time to say, "Kobe" as you take a jumper? Is that what the kids are doing now? Personally, I prefer to do my shot callin' as I invoke Jordan's moniker. To each his own I guess) Long story short, nailed it! If only they would listen to my "Stop with this Nodl Shit" campaign, everything would be Cake + Money.

Yeah, we lost that game against the Senators the other night... whatever. Pronger was out, and Boucher finally had that inevitable Boucher game. And we learned lessons. We learned that Chris Pronger and Mike Richards cannot miss anymore games. When either of them are out of the lineup, the team just isn't right. We learned that Bob is our playoff goalie. Boucher is having a great year, but he always breaks down around this time of year, and he looked terrible against Ottawa. And we also learned that we needed a 7th defenseman. Acquiring Nick Boynton off of waivers was a real nice move. He's a 78 overall, and we got him for nothing. You take that all day, right? I think we got a lot of our questions answered this month, although Bill Clement disagrees with me. His speaking voice is way better than mine, so he wins. That's how Obama won, right?

Flyers traded some Phantoms for a part time winger, Tom Sestito. He's a 6'5" 228 lbs. gorilla beast, who will factor into the Flyers plans for next season. He'll be a 25 year old, Jody Shelley next year. I'm cool with that. Keep on paying attention to me Flyers Internet Scouts, I got a lot of good suggestions on what you should be doing and shit.

PS- Claude. Giroux. Is. Stupid.

LET'S GO FLYERS

Should We Be Celebrating a .500 Team?

By TWW friend 'Anonymous'

Hell yes, we should! How's Lou Williams' nuts taste??  Party at the Moon Tower! Alright, alright, alrighhhht. The Sixers are the best team in the NBA. Forget that 3-13 start, that was weeks ago muthafucka, I'm partyin'! Over the last 43 games, the Sixers are 27-16. That's a winning percentage of .628, which is top 5 in the NBA. They've had three straight winning months for the first time since 2001. ESPN has us ranked 8th in the power rankings, while the New York Knicks aren't even in the top 15! So, suck on that!

The Sixers are a really good team all of a sudden. I can't stress the word "team" enough (even with italics and accent marks) they are playing inspired, unselfish basketball. Sucker-free, if you will. Iggy has finally stopped going Jackie Moon, and bought into a NBA scheme. During the 9-3 February campaign, Iguodala has never been the leading scorer, not once. Elton Brand is playing extremely well, Thad Young and Lou Williams are great bench players, and Evan Turner is starting to get used to his Avatar body.

They are holding it down at home, with a 19-9 record- which is comparable with big time West contender, OKC's 20-9 home record. Playing great at home is very important during the playoffs, which leads me to believe that we can catch the Hawks and beat Orlando in a first round series. In order to do that, the Sixers are going to have to continue playing defensive basketball. They are 2-17 when the opposition scores 100+ points, and that's no good, cause playoff teams score mad points.

500 might not be something to celebrate in Juggernaut Town, but here in Philly, we've seen where this team was, and how they've grown into a competitive team without any superstars, and we appreciate hard work and diligence around here. I'm damn proud of the Sixers and how far they've come this year.

GO SIXERS!

[pic Via AP]

Eagles Draft Talk: Beasts and Axe Murderers

By TWW friend 'Anonymous'

Mock drafts are stupid. The board never plays out the way anyone thinks it will. It's like Groundhog's Day, but instead of a Porcupine you have Mel Kiper Jr. So instead of prognosticating all day on the internet (you can go blind) I'm just gonna throw some names out there. But first, let's see what the porcupines have to say.

Walterfootball.com recently updated their mock draft board, and this is how they see the Eagles first three picks playing out. 1) Gabe Carimi, OT, Wisconsin 2) Curtis Brown, CB, Texas 3) Greg Jones, LB, Michigan State. On the surface it looks like the birds would fill in their blanks at OT, CB, and LB with these picks. Carimi is a 6'8 beast, Brown is cornerback named Brown, and Greg Jones is one of those hybrid DE/LB types which usually translates into a career special teamer, which the Eagles love. If the Birds draft a tackle, corner, and linebacker with their first three picks I'm gonna be pretty happy. Hell, if they don't trade any of their first three picks I'll be happy.

Last year Howie Rose selected 7 out of 13 players who participated in the senior bowl last year, so you gotta look at who helped themselves the most during that jawn. My picks are a mixture of what I think will happen, and what I want to happen. 1) Ben Ijalana OT/G, Villanova. Don't think Carimi will be there when the Eagles pick, so they go local with Ben. I'm good either way. I'd personally want to draft Mike Pouncey, because his brother is good at football. 2) Brooks Reed, DE/OLB, Arizona. He fits the Chris Gocong/Matt McCoy style that the Eagles love, and he was one of the most impressive players at the Senior Bowl. 3) Casey Matthews, LB, Oregon.  You know why I want Axe Murder Jr. He looked really good at the National Championship. And, yeah, I want Clay Matthews’s stunt double if I can't have Clay Matthews.

But what about the Corner? We ain't draftin' a corner, cause we're gettin' Asomugha. I really want Corey Casey Matthews, guys. Sure he's under sized and not nearly as athletic as his brother, but they said the same things about Clay coming out of college. He's projected as a Zach Thomas, as if it's a bad thing. I'd take Zach Thomas right now over Ernie Sims - ALL DAY. We need to draft some defensive swag this year, Eagles, no more BYU kids with their high character and morals. I want beasts. CAN I GET A HOT TUB!

GO BIRDS!

Brotherly Love

By TWW friend 'Anonymous'

Eric Staal has a lot of brothers, so trying to kill his younger brother, Mark, might not be that big of a deal to his mother. It's not like a Saving Private Ryan situation or anything. You already punked him at the All-Star draft, that was kinda funny, but giving your little brother a concussion is cold blooded as fuck, Eric. You'd never see Daniel hit Henrik like that, they love each other.

It's an interesting moral dilemma. On one hand, you catch an opposing player trying to get the puck out of the zone with his head down. Your competitive instincts are raging. On the other hand, you used to take baths with that guy at some point in your life. What do you do... what do you do? Maybe our own Dave or Eric can provide some perspective as to what the proper protocol is in this situation.