You Might Be a Philly Fan If...

Athletes Don't Make Shit

Believe it or not, there are thousands of people on this planet who would kill themselves if they earned the paltry scraps that America's professional athletes receive. These people are called billionaires, and they live in the (presumably luxurious) shadows of society. They walk among us -- faceness, nameless, and unappreciated. They don't get the benefit of hearing 50,000 fans chant their name or the thrill of screaming at the sky in championship ecstasy. No, they get none of this recognition and still manage to be the driving force behind many things we take for granted. They have the tough jobs: they sell our oil, they control our governments, they manage our hedge funds. And what do these poor men (and Oprah) get in return? Four billion dollars in a single year? HIGHWAY ROBBERY!

So, in honor of the tireless service of these undervalued overlords, I've plugged the 2009 earnings of the world's highest paid CEO into ESPN's Salary Crunch to see how he stacks up against everyone's favorite overpaid first baseman. This one's for you, Ray Irani of Occidental Petroleum Corporation! Maybe one day you'll be on the richest people in the world list. Probably not, though.

And good luck hitting those 267 HRs this year, Ryan.

No Black People Work For The Reading Phillies

This is the semi-racist giveaway of the family-friendly Reading Phillies.  I'm not sure who signed off on this, or thought a Ryan Howard lawn jockey garden gnome was a good idea, but you can have your own at their August 3rd game.  [philly.com]


Regardless, all gnomes are creepy little buggers.  And yes, I'm looking at you David.  Without Swift, you were NOTHING.

An Analysis of Mr. Ding-Dong Kaboom

*For your pleasure courtesy of The Onion.

For the record, the phrase 'ding-dong kaboom' IS cool in my book.

Friday is here; enjoy your weekend. The Phillies have a weekend series with the Braves, while the Flyers will win tonight just to prolong the inevitable.

This turned out to be a slow sports week. Our lack of new posts had nothing to do with laziness. Nope. Not one bit.

We'll do better next week. (Probably).

The Big Man Gets Paid

Ryan Howard just got paid, big time. According to CSNPhilly.com the Phillies and Howard have agreed to a five-year $125 million extension through 2016. He'll receive $20M in 2012-13 and $25M in 2014-16. There is also a club option for 2017 at $23M, with a $10M buyout. All told, Howard could make up to $138M through the life of this contract. That is some coin for sure.

At first glance for Phillies fans, this is good news. Signing a fan favorite, home grown player to a long term deal is something that most MLB teams just aren't able to do anymore. Knowing that Howard will have a chance to hit his 500th HR as a Phillie is a great thought as is the prospect of him leading the team to another World Series win. There is a lot of good about this deal.

I Love You, Ryan Howard

Ninth innning, two outs, and Ryan Howard becomes my new hero.

I love you right now. Thank you for ending this retardedly-arctic series and putting us in the NLCS. I wanna take you out to dinner, sir. You pick the place, you pay the tab.