Olivia Munn: You Win.

You win, Olivia. I had zero intentions of posting this weeks-old Maxim cover shot of you, but I saw it again just now and couldn't resist. You seem to have that whole I'm-just-one-of-the-guys dorky girl thing down to a science, and I've totally fallen for it. You've also done several covers and some online stuff for my former employer (is an intern an employee?) Complex, so I've seen you be cute and funny with real-life friends of mine.

Anyway, let the soccer moms get all up in arms about your see-through panties. Let ugly girls say your Daily Show appearances aren't funny. You're only going to win more fans in the end. Maybe even enough fans to keep your new sitcom from being a total disaster. [Fingers crossed]

Philadelphia Cures the Hangover

Gawker - Finally, a reason for science to exist: A researcher in Philadelphia (of course!) has discovered the single most effective cure for a hangover. And it's really pretty simple. Coffee and aspirin. That's it!

Apparently hangovers AREN'T caused by dehydration, as the rats Professor Michael Oshinsky of Thomas Jefferson University used clearly showed. I'm not so sure he ran the rats through the same gauntlet of beer, whiskey, vodka, awkward sexual advances, public humiliation, and 4:30am sake bombs that I had last Saturday, but I guess I'll take the word of this "scientist". I mean, that Iranian man I almost threw up on in the laundromat the next day said coconut water, but I guess coffee and aspirin it is.

Kensington Strangler Caught! ...Probably.

CBS/AP - PHILADELPHIA, Pa. - The crimes in the Kensington neighborhood of Philadelphia were grisly: At least three young women were found strangled to death after being sexual assaulted in November and December. Others came forward saying they had barely survived similar such attacks.
Now, police believe that DNA evidence that was run through their offender database has led them to their primary suspect, 21-year-old Antonio Rodriguez.

Detective Justin Frank went on to say "We are pretty confident he is the suspect." Nothing makes the women of Philadelphia feel safer than the police saying they're "pretty confident" they caught the right dude.

Also of note, the tipster is set to receive a whopping $37,000 reward for giving information leading to the suspect's arrest. That's 37 grand. Dude raped and strangled 3 women and raped and tried to strangle a bunch others. Rapist murderers: welcome to Philly. Where people don't snitch because they'll only get about $12,300 per person you rape/murder.

Girls Playing Football Is Kinda Awesome

Don't worry folks, football is still alive in Philadelphia. Our Passion, of the Lingerie Football League, are still alive and headed to the Eastern Conference Championship on January 29th. From the video above, I can only assume they will win.

[Insert paragraph that talks about boobies, vagina(s), how girls can't play sports, the WNBA, more boobies, make me a sandwich, JWoww, Rex Ryan's wife, bukakke, fold my laundry, even more boobies, Michael Bolton, tampons, lesbian sex between straight girls who also want to sleep with you, Jessica Alba, clean the bathroom and Cliff Lee.]

Go Passion boobies!

Afternoon Links: You Have the World's Dumbest Arm

Full-Arm Louis Vuitton tattoo - Never before have I so wanted to rip someone's arm off and beat them to death with it. [DoobyBrain]

World Eskimo-Indian Olympics: Ear Pulling Competition - Exactly what it sounds like. Eskimo women + string / ears = blood and pain. [DoobyBrain]

Feeding Homeless People Banned in Houston - Watch out... you'll get ya fingers bit!  [YouTube]

The Greatest JV Football Motivation Speech Ever - Sure, he's inspirational. But I'm pretty sure most inspirational speeches aren't read from a print-out. [Don Chavez]

81% of Americans Support Medical Marijuana - Blah blah blah weed. [Digg]

1950's Housewife on Acid Trip - "I wish I could talk in Technicolor."  Don't we all, sweety.  [Huffington Post]

Attractive People Have Higher IQs - Yep.  I'm smarter than you, too. [The Awl]

Bears Fan in Striped Overalls - And this guy definitely has a low IQ [30fps]

Thank God America Only Has Deer

The Daily What - Well This Is Something You Don’t See Every Day of the Day: A wayward Ussuri tiger spotted roaming the highway near its namesake Siberian town of Ussuriysk.

Yeah, that's one of the scariest animals that could possibly be approaching your car. Dudes probly had plenty of vodka in their systems cause I would have had a heart attack trying to stay still and quiet like that thing was a fucking T-Rex. DON'T MOVE! SHE CAN'T SEE YOU IF YOU DON'T MOVE!

Two animal posts in one day? I'm on fi-yah!

Sean Avery is a Special Kind of Prick

Okay, okay, so it was pretty dirty for some of the Flyers bench (Briere and Hartnell) to rabbit punch a Rangers player in the back of the head after he blasted Kimmo Timonen off his skates. I get that. But when other players do something shitty, Sean Avery always has to make it known that he is the shittiest asshole around.

Avery had the chance to fight a few guys during this scrum in the second period of the Flyers/Rangers game, and instead of picking a worthy adversary, he chooses Matt Carle who had previously been apart of ZERO total fights. Then Avery punches Carle THREE TIMES while dude is on the ground.

Nice job, Sean. I hope your team is enjoying third place.

Iguodala Will Incur the Wrath of the Muppet

So here is a video of Andre Iguodala shoving Evan Turner for some reason. I didn't watch this game and don't have the context, but either way this appears to be a certified bitch move by AI9. Dre must be jealous of Beeker's new ugly-ass China shoes. Which will be coming soon to a hipster's feet near you.

If you recall Iggy already How-High-Powder-Bitch-Slapped the #2 overall pick earlier this season. ET -- stick up for yourself, homey.

h/t CrossingBroad

Worlds Greatest Animal Prosthetics

And here is a story from Asylum featuring the top animal prosthetics ever conceived.  If only they had legless dogs.

What? You wanted more commentary? It's a story about crippled animals, for Christ's sake!



h/t Asylum

Everything I Learned as a Kid about Sportsmanship was Bullshit

Respect your opponent. Don't talk shit. Be a gracious winner. Those are all things we were taught as kids when we played sports as the foundation of athletic success. If you play hard and play the right way, good things will happen.

All that shit died last night.

Now don't get me wrong, I really couldn't care less who won or lost the Jets/Pats game. I had no horse in that race. I like Tom Brady. I like LaDainian Tomlinson. The Eagles are done. No big deal either way.  But the concept of sportsmanship definitely took an L with the Pats loss. Sure, they're a cheating-ass spygate team with a dickhead quarterback and too many white receivers. But at least PUBLICLY they stood for class and playing the game "the right way." They even benched their #1 WR for a quarter a few plays for COVERTLY talking shit.

Don't go thinking that I don't like the Jets. I love Rex Ryan's foot fetish fuck-my-wife-in-all-three-holes I-live-life-how-I-please style. If more people adopted that level of self-confidence there'd be a lot less haters in the world. But everything dude stands for is the opposite of sportsmanship. If he could burn the jersey of every player on the other team live on Sportscenter he would. If he could take a shit in Troy Polamalu's Head & Shoulders without getting fined he would. I love it cause it's funny. But even a cold-hearted asshole like myself can see the fall of good taste with the Jets' win. Cromartie called the opposing quarterback an asshole and the organization was cool with that? Really?

Now I gotta root for these jerkoffs cause I wanna see how much MORE shit they can talk during Super Bowl week. The end is nigh.