A Man Named Jawn

Jawn Murray. This poor guy. Only people from Philly will get why this is funny. JAWN!

h/t Philebrity

Steelers > Jews

Apparently a news station in Kentucky had the Steelers beating the approximate 11 billion (figure, again, is approximate) Jewish folks that live in the New York metro area.

I'd make another joke about hoarding money, huge noses or pastrami , but I think WLKY has done enough already.

h/t TedWilliamsHead.

Yuck it up, Dipshits.

An article over at the Wall Street Journal has validated all of the hatred I have for NFL pregame shows. They are completely unnecessary, completely annoying, and completely un-funny. I haven't watched a pregame show in years, and I'm a much happier person for it.

I honestly don't know who is devoting their time to these shows. We don't care about the shitty montage you've put together of last week's big hits or an interview where Pam Oliver verbally fellates Drew Brees. There's better stuff on the internet. There was a time NFL pregame shows were a great source of last minute fantasy football updates, but no longer is that remotely true.  I can Google whether or not Joseph Addai is playing a helluva lot faster than it takes these dopes to shut up and turn it over to Jay Glazer.

But nothing is more annoying than the forced banter and jokes that fly during each week's pregame show. It's all fake and it's all very unfunny. I wish Strahan would just boo loudly off camera when Terry Bradshaw's joke inevitably bombs. Instead, they have a good chuckle that goes on 20 seconds too long.

Thanks to the WSJ, we now have statistical evidence:

"The amount of time they laugh, though, is what sets them apart. The five hosts on Fox’s show—Curt Menefee, Terry Bradshaw, Howie Long, Michael Strahan and Jimmy Johnson—had a combined laughing time of two minutes, 22 seconds. That’s about 11.6% of the 20 minutes, 27 seconds they were shown on set together. Mr. Bradshaw was easily the laughing leader, going for about 92.4 seconds—including 2.5 seconds at the start of the show before anyone said anything.

The CBS crew—Greg Gumbel, Dan Marino, Bill Cowher, Shannon Sharpe and Boomer Esiason—only laughed for 43 seconds. That’s about one-third as much chuckling as the group at Fox. CBS declined to comment. Fox Sports spokesman Lou D’Ermilio says, “If we didn’t tell the guys to stop they would laugh and crack jokes 100% of the time."

Nearly 12% of the time, the ass-jacks on FOX are yucking it up! This is why nobody likes you Terry Bradshaw. This is why.

Yet Another Lebron Post: Lebrontourage

What I believe to be the core of the Lebron James argument, in a very small nutshell:

The older generation thinks the younger generation has a sense of self-entitlement. They also feel that the younger generation is lazier and less competitive than their generation.

Jordan is John McClane, Kobe is Maximus, and Lebron is Vincent Chase*. [Justin Johnson, Detroit]

I guess if Lebron is Vinnie Chase, Wade is Ari, and Bosh is E...maybe Big Z is Drama?

*Jay-Z looks like a blind gay Denzel Washington

McNabb and T.O. to Bounce Balls Together

Spike TV announced that McNabb, Terrell Owens, and Antonio Gates will be teaming up in an upcoming episode of Pros vs Joes. The episode will feature NFL players who played college basketball taking on former NBA stars.

I'm sure T.O. will have a lot to prove.  His ass got SHUT DOWN by Michael Rapaport in the NBA Celebrity Game this year.

Junior Seau Gets TV Show, World Wonders Why

While driving into the city the other day, I noticed a billboard for a brand new sports-reality show called ‘Sports Jobs With Junior Seau’.

Sigh. I wish TV didn’t suck.

These Pristiq Commericals Are Depressing

"And I have to keep winding myself up to deal with the sadness, the loss of interest, trouble concentrating, lack of energy...."

Yo, Pristiq, some of these World Series games are depressing enough without your Debbie Downer pill commercials. Are you sure you're advertising to the right market? Try moving these ads to 11am on CBS to catch the single (unemployed) women sitting down for their first glass of wine to watch some Price is Right. I don't need to see this lady or her sadness doll anymore.

Don't know what I'm talking about? Video after the jump.