At Least We're Not Cleveland...Part Deux

Wow. As you've probably seen by now, the Lakers beat the Cavaliers 112-57 last night...a 55-point bitch-slap of epic proportions. They were outscored by at least 15 points in each of the first three quarters and shot an almost unbelievable 29.9% from the floor. This game marked their 21st loss in their last 22 games. Yuck. (Consider this - since LeBron returned to Cleveland on December second, the Heat are 18-1. The Cavs? 1-19. Seriously.)

To make matters worse, LeBron has jumped on the bandwagon, sending out the tweet above last night during the massacre. If there was someone in Cleveland that didn't hate LeBron yet, they certainly aren't a fan anymore.

So, kids, as we continue to wallow in the sad misfortunes of our football team, remember one thing. At least we're not Cleveland.

Mike Vick is Taking His Talents to South Beach

First Kobe now LeBron?

Hey, if getting booed every night of your life is something you enjoy, the Miami Heat is the team to join.

Who's Up For Stealing the NHL's Idea?

Have you heard about the fantastic concept the NHL will adopt for their All Star game this year? You didn't? It's OK, if you’re like most people, you don’t bother listening during the hockey segments of SportsCenter. Let me break it down for you:

1. Fans vote for their favorite hockey players to be included in the All Star game.

2. The chosen players will vote amongst themselves to choose two captains.

3. A FANTASY DRAFT IS THEN HELD where the two captains take turns picking the remaining players to fill out their respective squads.

4. After the NHL All Star game is completed, people will realize the draft was more fun than sitting through the actual game.

That last point is just my hypothesis, but it's rather likely. So how can we improve on this intuitive idea? Steal it and implement it in the NBA. Choosing teams playground-style works even better for basketball. There are too many players and specific positions in the NFL to have fun with it. MLB could use this to improve the dreadful All Star product they currently force down our throats, but there's really no denying this would work best in basketball.

Imagine how fun it would be to watch LeBron and Kobe picking teams:

Kobe: I'll take my man Kevin Durant.
LeBron: I select LeBron James.
Kobe: (looking at LeBron) I'll take Kobe.
LeBron: Gimme DWade.
Kobe: (glaring) Pau Gasol.
LeBron: Fine. I'll take Bosh.
Kobe: Delonte West.
LeBron: Fuck you.

Then when Chris Kaman and Andrew Bogut are the last picks, we'd all laugh. Good times.

Anyway, if NBA could make this team selection process part of their All Star Weekend festivities, I'd sure as hell watch. It's infinitely more entertaining than watching Leandro Barbosa, Thunder Dan Majerle and some WNBA chick compete in the utterly face-numbing 'Shooting Stars Competition'.

Although watching a 300lb Magic Johnson miss half court shots for 3 straight minutes is damn entertaining.

A Few NBA Predictions to Chew On

With a separate Sixers Preview on it’s way, I figured I’d jot down some quick NBA predictions since, ya know, I do predictions so friggin’ well and all. This NBA season promises to be one of the most interesting in recent memory. LeBron's talents have been brought to South Beach, Chris Bosh joined him, Kevin Durant is the best pure scorer since MJ, Shaq is now a Celtic, Dwight Howard has something to prove, Melo should be a Knick or Net at some point, a pending lockout is on the horizon, Evan Turner might suck, John Wall is nasty, the Spurs make their last stand and the Cavs will be terrible. Ultimately, all of that should make for great theater.

So, without further ado: 5 Things That Will Happen This Year:

1) Kevin Durant will win the MVP. It will be difficult for LeBron to win a third straight when Dwayne Wade will likely be just as instrumental in the Heat’s success. Carmelo is too unhappy, Chris Paul doesn’t have enough talent around him and Dirk is simply too boring. I say the award comes down to Durant and an “on a mission” Dwight Howard. A dark-horse could be a healthy Brandon Roy, but that’s never going to happen (the healthy part).

Sixers Will Surprise Heat in First Game, Lose by only 20

Kate Fagan of Philly.com is reporting on her "Deep Sixer" blog the Sixers will take on Superteam Heat in their first game of the season. So much for starting 1-0.

Yet Another Lebron Post: Lebrontourage

What I believe to be the core of the Lebron James argument, in a very small nutshell:

The older generation thinks the younger generation has a sense of self-entitlement. They also feel that the younger generation is lazier and less competitive than their generation.

Jordan is John McClane, Kobe is Maximus, and Lebron is Vincent Chase*. [Justin Johnson, Detroit]

I guess if Lebron is Vinnie Chase, Wade is Ari, and Bosh is E...maybe Big Z is Drama?

*Jay-Z looks like a blind gay Denzel Washington

I, For One, Will Be Rooting for the Miami nWo

With all of our (and Bill Simmons') comparisons of Lebron James to heel-turning nWo Hollywood Hulk Hogan, I'm glad someone was actually patient (and nerdy) enough to craft this gem.

"I did everything for the charities, I did everything for the kids. And [with] the reception I got when I came out here...you fans can STICK IT, brother!"

[cue Lebron's music, which is probably Jay-Z or Will Smith's "Miami"]

Video after the jump.
UPDATE! Even FUNNIER video below that one.
UPDATE UPDATE!! Another Lebron nWo clip.  I'm on fi-yah!

That LeBron Heel Turn Seemed Pretty Successful

LeBron James hate-sites are predictably popping up all over the place. The shirt to the left is from kissmyasslebron.com.

Regardless of what you personally think about LeBron, his decision, or ESPN, you have to admit this was pretty much the quickest and most abrupt heel turn since Hulk Hogan joined the nWo. Right now, LeBron James is the athlete people love to hate – especially the poor bastards in Cleveland. You thought Philly hated Michael Irvin? Cleveland's level of hatred is ten times greater.

So with that, we’ll leave you with one last piece of internet fodder before TheWizWit (hopefully) closes the LeBron James chapter for the foreseeable future:

The Not Really Live, Live Blog

8:30

I just sat down to LeBronapalooza and the first thing I see on ESPN is a rundown of terrible Cleveland sports moments.

(First tangent – there is other sports news to discuss right now. There were five MLB games today, other NBA deals were finalized today and the World Cup final is less than two days away. But Sportscenter isn’t even going to mention those things. LeBron owns the world right now, I’ve never seen anything like this.) I honestly feel terrible for Cleveland fans right now. I really have no idea how I’d feel if this was a Philadelphia player holding the entire fan base’s emotions hostage. Let’s hope this never happens.

Listening to Lebron James' Ego

This shit is incredible. Twitter.com/lebronjamesego.

The Most Ridiculous Headline of All-Time:

This is a screen-grab of an article I saw on Yahoo this afternoon.  You can see it in its entirety HERE.  You can also see that it's completely retarded. 

I don't know what's worse - the Knicks 'source', or the SportingNews for quoting something from 'zagsblog.com'.

How anyone thought this was legit news is beyond me.  Doesn't common sense kick in at some point?  Shouldn't someone have said "Wait... this 'source' is full of shit.  That didn't happen." 
The best part is when the source continues to try and rationalize the reasoning:

“I don’t care what most people think. I’m not saying that LeBron is not a good player but other stuff comes with it. LeBron’s friends want jobs. You’re gonna lose running your organization. As time goes on you gotta hire this guy, you gotta hire that guy.”

The Source then asked everyone to "move their feet" as he had to "mop the rest of this shit up." Sigh...you poor delusional bastard. 

The Source went on: "I'm not saying the iPhone 4 isn't a fantastic device, but a pink RAZR with rhinestones on it is what we wanted all along."

Alright commenters, your turn.  Come with your best.

Thank God We're Not Cleveland

As a Philadelphia fan since birth, I know sports heartache. For 24 years, I either watched my teams get close only to rip my heart out with some tremendously terrible way to lose or watched them suck so bad that it left you wondering how the hell a team could suck so bad. When it comes to sports misery, I've had more than my fair share. But nothing, absolutely nothing, that we've gone through as Philadelphia fans compares to what those poor Cleveland sports fans have been (and are being) put through. As a fan of another "cursed" sports city, I just can't help but feel bad for them.