Sixers Will Make The Finals. Fact.

Trust me on this one, the ESPN NBA Playoff Predictor never lies. Sixers = Eastern Conference Champions. Especially when it only take 87 tries to make this happen. Like I've always said, 87th try is the charm.

PS - By the way, in this predictor the Grizzlies seem to beat the Lakers like 50% of the time. ESPN must know something we don't know.

PPS - Don't ask me what happens in the Finals simulation. There's a reason I'm not showing a picture of that.

PPPS - I highly recommend not wasting a half hour of your life doing this. Not exactly the most rewarding way to spend your time. Or. Is. It?

PPPPS - Cliff Lee.

Steelers Win, Big Ben Gets Raped

Good to see Big Ben on the receiving end for once.

Some Videos to Make You Smile

We're all pretty depressed today, but I figured I'd throw up some videos in an attempt to get some of you to smile.

Remember, the 2010 Eagles season was pretty good, for most of it anyway.

The Worst Game Preview Video in the Internets

Seriously, what the hell was the purpose of making this video? You are aware that there are TV channels with analysis and experts that break down every little detail of each game, right? This is the video equivalent of spraypainting a 10 on a Hanes V-neck and calling it a DeSean Jackson jersey.

I thought 13 year-olds were supposed to be good with technology. How you fooled me and 300+ other people into watching this is beyond me. Kill yourself.

The NFL Playoffs Needs The Berney Dance

Decent: The Berney Dance (White People Love It!) - This joint has the potential to be bigger than Soulja Boy’s “Crank That” movement, but only time will tell on that one (it may take a while).
“Movin’ Like Berney” is killing the game right now as white people around the country have been forced to finally embrace that urban swag, with a dance that they can not only do…but do better than black people.

Sure, Ryan Matthews did a wack-ass version of the worldwide dance craze occasionally-referenced internet dance two weeks ago, but fuck him cause he's part of the disaster that was my fantasy team.  I want to see some real Berney out of someone this wildcard weekend.  DeSean -- you're the obvious choice.  The Dougie is more dead than your dead motha.   Berney your dick off all over Green Bay's hopes and dreams.  Plus it'll confuse the shit outta their cheesewhale fanbase.

Footage of people Movin like Berney* after the jump.

h/t JerseyChaser

Tim Cowlishaw's Impeccable Description of Last Night's Game

Couldn't summarize Sunday's game any better. The JV Eagles aka the Chad Hall Show aka DeMarcus Ware's Prison Bitch lost by a point to the Stephen McGee-led Cowboys, 14-13. In other news: nobody gives a shit. The regular season is dead and the Birds need to figure out a way to keep Concussion Time from ruining their playoffs.

[Pulls inflated Butterscotch Krimpet Tastykake bag from microwave]

FUCK! HOT! TWENTY SECONDS WAS TOO LONG!!

Happy New Year, Michael Vick

How 'bout we win a Super Bowl, ok?

Go Birds.

The Regular Season is Dead to Me

Okay, so the Birds lost to the Joe Webb Vikings. Whatever. The Eagles are the #3 seed in the NFC regardless of what happens in week 17 and it's looking like they'll face the Green Bay Packers on January 9 in Philly for the first round of the playoffs. Not as ideal as a first round bye, but playoffs is playoffs and the cream always rises to the top.  Unless you're the 14-point dog Vikings playing an away game in Philly with zero playoff chances quarterbacked by a run-first rookie.  Dammit, I told myself I'd let it go....

So the Packers it is (probably).  As our friends over at Bleeding Green Nation pointed out yesterday, there are some silver linings here.  While our favorite hog slaughterer will sling passes to Riley Cooper and Chad Hall in a meaningless JV game against the Cowboys on Sunday, the starters' minds will be on the Packers.  The same Green Bay team that survived the first unleashing of the Michael Vick Experience in week 1. No easy task.

You know most of the talk will be about Aaron Rodgers and his poise and his arm and his concussions, but at some point it becomes pointless. The Eagles have a wack-ass defense. They're 22nd in points allowed and give up more red zone scores than a horny chick on her period.  The Packers are going to score. A lot. The key to this game will be how many cheap turnovers the Birds D can generate, and, more importantly, if the offense can actually play consistently good football.

No 4th quarter comebacks. No bullshit. I'm talking 4 straight quarters of DeSean Jackson out patterns, Jeremy Maclin crossing patterns, Shady McCoy screens, and Mike Vick fuck-this-play scrambles for 30 yards.  If they can do that, they'll win.

Fuck the Cowboys.

So Game 7 Isn't Tonight?

As if we needed another name to add to Philadelphia hate-lore, Juan Uribe threw his name onto that list last night. Uribe's eighth inning, two-out, solo home run served as the difference in what was a weird, sad, unfortunate end to the Phillies season. Three straight World Series appearances just wasn't in the cards and it appears we'll need to put those Game 7 tailgate supplies away (or at least I will). Pure suck.

The Phillies had more than enough opportunities to score runs after their two in the first inning but nobody was able to come up with a season saving hit. Victorino, Utley, Howard, Werth...they all failed in big spots last night. It certainly wasn't something we were used to seeing the last two postseasons but it was something that happened plenty this year. Of course, that's a discussion for another time (and another post).

So, while there will be plenty of time to wrap up, dissect and eulogize the Phillies' 2010 season (there will be much more once I stop crying) it's now time to grieve. This Phillies team had the ability to accomplish something special and they weren't able to. That hurts, a whole bunch. I already miss baseball.

See you in the spring, Phils.

[photo c/o Tim Shaffer/Reuters]

Let's Go Joe

In the biggest game of the season so far, the Phillies are going to start Joe Blanton. Take a second and read that sentence again. Yep, Heavy B is going to take the mound tomorrow, whether we like it or not.

Faced with a 2-1 hole, Charlie will stick with his original plan instead of moving Halladay up a day to start on short rest. It's obvious that Charlie just feels more comfortable with his guys going on normal rest, and you can't really fault him for that. Although he may change his mind in the morning, it appears the earliest we'll be seeing Doc is Thursday night.

I honestly have to admit I'm a little surprised. A lot was made last year of the Phillies not wanting to pitch Cliff Lee on short rest (which the Rangers refused to do this year as well). When the Phillies basically "swapped" Lee for Halladay in the offseason many people looked at Halladay's ability to pitch on short rest as one reason the upgrade made sense. In six career starts on short rest, Halladay has gone 4-2 with a 2.79 ERA. While that's a small sample size, it certainly looks like Halladay can handle it. Plus, you have to think Halladay would be pumped up by the idea, since he's so close to the World Series title he craves so badly. It doesn't appear he'll get that chance.

However, Halladay's ability to pitch on short rest isn't really the thing I'm concentrating on the most. It's the fact that Joe Blanton hasn't pitched in a meaningful game since October 3rd. That was a one inning appearance against the Braves on the last day of the season. His last start was even longer ago, back on September 29th. That's a long layoff, especially for someone now tasked with saving the Phillies season (although the bats could score some runs and help that out too). Heavy B is certainly going to have to be at his best.

Ultimately this decision will be judged by what happens in the game tomorrow. If the Phillies win, suddenly they have taken back home field and have Halladay ready for Game 5. If they lose, they are going to need H20 to win three straight games (which, while incredibly difficult, is something those three could certainly pull off). Charlie Manuel has pretty much pulled all the right strings the past few years, I just hope this move pays off as well. If not...well let's just not think about that right now.

Go Phils.

Your NLCS Postcard

An absolutely perfect depiction of the Phillies starting pitching rotation from The Fightins (via The Daily News). With a Big 3 of Halladay, Hamels, and Oswalt, the Phils won't need to expect too much from sleepy Joe "I-don't-have-to-do-shit-anymore" Blanton.

Blanton better be careful, napping like that may cause some of the truffles stored in his cheeks to dislodge. H2O may or may not know CPR.

The Wrinkled, Leathery Reason Phillies Will Win World Series

You didn't think the Phillies were just going to get by on ridiculously nasty pitching and veteran hitting did you? Oh no kind sir, you are sadly mistaken. Those two luxuries are nothing when compared to the power of an old fashioned good luck charm.

Ed Barkowitz of the Daily News has an article on Philly.com regarding Ryan Madson's purchase of the Halloween mask you see in the pic above. And yes, that's him wearing it in the picture at a recent media session. Who needs rally monkeys or cowbells when you have a funny mask?

The article goes on to say the mask has become rather popular in the clubhouse and has become somewhat of a good luck charm. As Madson says, his favorite places to wear the mask are in the in the shower and in hot tub. Yep -- not making that up. My favorite line comes from Chad Durbin as he describes the mask: "It's Miguel Cairo." Oh Chad, you couldn't be any more spot on. LOOK AT THIS.

Anyway, our Phillies have advanced to a third straight NLCS and will have six days off before digging in against the Giants or Braves. To be honest, as a Philadelphia sports fan, it feels a little weird being a fan of the undisputed favorite. It's kind of a surreal feeling...and also one of the most awesome feelings a sports fan can have. Here's to 3 straight NL pennants.

FEAR THE MASK. GO PHILS.

[pic via Associated Press]

NLDS Preview: Phillies vs. Reds

I know what you’re thinking: “I’ve read about 37 preview articles already about this series, what the hell could you possibly tell me that I don’t already know?”

The answer: Stop complaining and read a 38th.

Anyway, our Phillies get underway at 5:07 p.m. Wednesday against the Cincinnati Reds. Yes, those same Reds that the Phils swept in a four game set right before the All-Star break. With a 5-2 record against them this year, the Phillies have certainly shown they can beat this team. Plus, the Reds were only 18-34 against winning teams this year, a record that is underwhelming to say the least. However, the Reds are probably a better team than anyone realizes, so I’m here to give you a quick rundown of everything you should know before you sit down, or stand up to watch the game on Wednesday.

Flyers Take Game 3

Claude Giroux scored 5:59 into overtime and Philadelphia finally exhaled. The Flyers are back in the series.

After an incredible back and forth game, I really had no idea what to expect going into overtime. These teams have played pretty even hockey for most of this series (one could argue the Flyers have been the better team overall) so either team could have left last night with the win.

2-0. Series Lead. Nice.

There is no way around it...the Flyers are the hottest team on the planet. Pick a sport, any sport, it doesn't matter. There isn't a team anywhere playing better than these guys. Maybe there is a girls high school softball team somewhere in Iowa playing better, but who the fuck cares about them?

Right now, Philadelphia is in a frenzy as the Flyers sit just two wins away from their first Stanley Cup Finals appearance in 13 years. Yet again, Michael Leighton and the Flyers defense allowed the Canadiens to score the same amount of goals as this girl has boyfriends. That amount, in case you don't know, is zero. The Flyers have absolutely silenced a Canadien team that came in playing with a ton of confidence. With Gagne and Briere both scoring at will (or so it seems) this team just looks good. I mean, they've scored 13 consecutive goals without allowing any. That's just silly.

To put it simply, things are very good in Flyer land right now. Hopefully, in 48 hours, we're discussing a 3-0 series lead.

Go Flyers.

Thank God We're Not Cleveland

As a Philadelphia fan since birth, I know sports heartache. For 24 years, I either watched my teams get close only to rip my heart out with some tremendously terrible way to lose or watched them suck so bad that it left you wondering how the hell a team could suck so bad. When it comes to sports misery, I've had more than my fair share. But nothing, absolutely nothing, that we've gone through as Philadelphia fans compares to what those poor Cleveland sports fans have been (and are being) put through. As a fan of another "cursed" sports city, I just can't help but feel bad for them.

Brett Favre is Overrated: a Minifesto

Brett Favre is a warrior. He's a Super Bowl champion, an MVP and a Pro Bowler. He's gritty. He's tough. He's a gunslinger. He wears Wranglers.

Amongst all of the praise and accolades, many times people forget about something Brett has been for years: incredibly overrated.

Dear Mark Sanchez - Please Don't Ruin The Super Bowl

The Jets earned the Cinderella tag yesterday by beating the San Diego Chargers in the AFC Divisional Round of the playoffs. He also helped put the Jets one win away from a Super Bowl berth.

And with that, the New York Jets are now also one win away from ruining the Super Bowl.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Eagles fans, you can breathe a sigh of relief. The Cowboys aren't winning the Super Bowl this year.

Yesterday, the Minnesota Vikings dismantled (I love that word) the Cowgirls. All the "Romo has arrived" and "that Cowboys defense is playing great" talk has been replaced with "oh, right, Wade Phillips blows" and "Romo enjoys male genitals in his mouth." It's glorious.

So, Cowboys fans, fuck you. Go home, crawl under a rock and hide again until September. No one likes you, not even your mother. But she sure does love my dong.

Oh, and how great is it that the Vikings ran up the score on the vagina wearing Cowboys? Seriously, Keith Brooking, stop sounding like a 16-year old girl whose boyfriend just dumped her two days after she spent hundreds of dollars throwing him a suprise birthday party. Get over it already.

McNabb's Last Stand?

It's that time of year again, folks. Every January -- although it honestly has been a year-round discussion for four years -- this question is asked: Could this be Donovan McNabb's last game as an Eagle?