Eagles 34, Texans 24: More Camera Talk

Papa John: Enough is Enough - As I Tweeted last night, I get a serious kick of out Papa John's current marketing campaign. You know the one: Papa John visits a family/sporting event/party, brings plenty of pizza, then shows the world that he can throw a football.

REENACTMENT!

Diane - Okay marketing team, we've been busting our humps for the entire second quarter on this concept and I think it's finally ready for air. Gary, I really love what you did with the CGI and graphics team. Terry, the actors you selected were fantastic. I really am proud of you all--

Papa John - Papa's in the hooouuuuuussse!! What the fuck is up, MARKETERS!?

Diane - Oh, uh, hi John. We were just getting ready to present our final cut of the new commercial to you toda--

Papa John - [grabs pepper off table, dips in garlic sauce, and begins chewing loudly] Eff that noise, I got an idea. Hows about you not worry about all that faggy acting and CGI stuff, and just show me slangin' high-quality Papa John pizzas, whippin' around in my Camaro, and bombing a couple footballs DEEP as SHIT??

Diane - I...but, John, we've been working on this campaign for the last two--

Papa John - GREAT, SO IT'S DONE! Call your camera people and tell them to meet me at my cousin Katie's place in the suburbs. She'll bring over people from the neighborhood, we'll talk about the freshness of my toppings, I'll gun some fifty yarders at the local kids...it'll be great.

Diane - .......as you wish, sir.

Papa John - Goddamn right! HEY -- you guys busy? I got some coke in my office if you's feel like partyin'...

What else did we learn? Unquestioned MVP, Chad Hall's Package, NFL Networst, Te-o'Nesheim,  OBEY THE LAWS, If it Ain't Broke, Jorrick Calvin, Black Egg, Kevin Kolb Reflective Thoughts Meter, and No Guarantees.

You Can't Hold Down Ole Two-Sacks McGee, Son!

This afternoon, our boy Trevor Laws was rightfully credited his second sack from Sunday's beating of the Jaguars.  Many congrats to Law's as these were sack numbers 1 and 2 in his career.  It's no secret we here at TheWizWit are big fans.  In fact, this blog operates with a weekly Trevor Laws quota. 

In all seriousness, Trevor Laws has been fantastic for the Birds this year and is seemingly putting everything together in his third NFL season.  He had great preseason showing vast improvements from 2009 which in turn, earned him more playing time.  He was one of the most active players on the field Sunday, and filled up the stat sheet.  He finished the day with 2 sacks, 6 tackles (2 for a loss), and knocked down two balls as he clogged the passing lanes.  Keep up the great play, Mr. Laws.  Well done. 

And to the Elias Sports Bureau - don't let another mistake like this happen again.  Yall know Trevor won't let this shit slide twice.  OBEY THE LAWS!

Eagles 28, Jaguars 3: Boom

Michael Vick is heartless, dog-drowning sociopath...if by "heartless, dog-drowning sociopath" you mean the GREATEST QUARTERBACK IN THE WORLD.

Holy shit just look at my dude bein' all menacing and awesome. McNabb? He's a Chunky soup-slurpin', interception-smirking punaniface. Kolb? He sucks. But Michael, oh Michael...you're the one. You're the shit like 50 I'm-the-shit-like similes from Lil' Wayne.

Oh, what's that? You're one of those Eagles fans that could never let MV7 turn the page on his conviction? You're that guy who could never come to grips with the fact that your favorite football team is now being led by Ookie so you openly rooted  for his failure? Well I'm here to tell you it's okay -- but I know how you feel:

So what did we learn this week? Well, The Jaguars are Really Really Bad, MV7 for MVP, Save Him for Later, OBEY THE LAWS, DeSean's First Dougie, StewBrad to the Rescue, and Silence for the Dead.

The Transformation of Trevor Laws

By all accounts, Eagles DT Trevor Laws has looked impressive this camp. I mean, look at all the lazy and analogous reporting positive stories on his progression! Dominating the line of scrimmage. Getting pressure on the QB's. Stuffing the run. This is great news, people!

But what was the catalyst for such a drastic advancement in T-Laws' play? Offseason fitness programs? Confidence from experience at the professional level? Pressure from the coaching staff? Nope!

MUSTACHE.

Athlete Website Review!

Periodically, TheWizWit will be bringing an athlete’s website to light. Some sites may be good. Most will be terrible. But it's the learning experience that will bring us all together.

So without further ado, let's get to our review of Trevor Laws' site http://www.trevor-laws.com/! You know, before he gets cut.