Kendrick Perkins Misses Boston, Wishes There Was Better Sports News

In case you haven’t noticed, this is the most exciting thing happening in sports at the current moment. Shit’s real sad right now. But at least Kendrick Perkins’ shattering heart is doing its’ best to keep us mildly entertained. The Sad Perk meme has hit the internet in full force, and as silly and dumb as it is, makes me oddly satisfied and amused.

Perkins loved Boston and promptly turned into Sir Weepy Vaginaface after learning he was traded. Don’t be such a sourpuss KPerk. You play basketball for a living and are a millionaire. Just because you had to move away from your friends doesn’t mean you gotta pout like a 4th grader. At least you’re not Baron Davis. He was traded to Cleveland and is probably loading the bullets into his gun right now.

[Sad Perk]

We Have Melo! And Amare! And...Some Other Guys!

First off, let me begin this by saying I’m a fan of what the Knicks did. If you have a chance to acquire a top 10 (or 15) player, and pair him with another top 10 (or 15) player, you have to do it. When Melo is dropping 35 on Miami on Sunday, nobody in NYC is gonna miss Wilson Chandler or Danilo.

HOWEVER, the Knicks still aren’t that great. Yes, this gives them a base that could potentially be great over the next few years, but as of right now they really aren’t much of a threat (outside of taking one of the East’s contenders to 6 games in the first round) to win anything this year.

“But Dave,” you drunk-as-shit-happy-as-fuck Knicks fan might say, “We got Chaunce too. And Melo will own the Garden. You don’t know shit, we owned the Bulls twice AND we beat the Heat. Eastern Conference Finals, here we come! Bitch.”

Bitch, I'd respond with the quick fact that the Knicks only have three good players now. And remember defense? Yea, the Knicks don’t play any. Melo isn’t exactly a defensive force, and Amare basically blocks a few shots and that’s it. I mean, I'm a Billups fan and everything, but that guy isn’t guarding Rondo, Rose or Nelson in the playoffs, trust me. Over a seven game series the Knicks aren’t stopping Wade/LeBron/Bosh, Garnett/Rondo/Pierce/Allen or Rose/Boozer/Noah/Deng. It’s just not happening. Sure, they can catch fire from the three for a game or two…but remember they just traded Gallinari, Chandler AND Felton, who accounted for 5-threes per game at about 34% shooting. Sure Melo and Billups probably can make most of that up, but there isn’t the depth of 3-point shooting anymore. While the Knicks will still score a TON, how they score will need to change (Billups isn't a pass-first PG, which this offense is predicated on). It's definitely going to take some time. Again, I’m not saying this trade shouldn’t have happened, but it doesn’t exactly leave the Knicks as a true contender. Certainly more interesting, just really not that scary...yet.

If you don’t believe me check this link out. This guy knows a whole lot more than I do, and says it in a whole lot better way than I can. Long story short? Melo and Amare ain’t a perfect marriage…not like Cliff Lee and Phillies.

But don’t worry New York, we got your back. Our 76ers will be out in the first round too. Shared pain, baby. Shared pain.

Larry Fitz Wants Him Some Hogkiller

Each Arizona Cardinal who attempted to pretend they were an NFL quarterback failed miserably last year. Arizona QB's threw a total of 10 TD's all year while their completion percentage barely reached 50%. So to avoid another disaster, and actually have a chance to resign Larry Fitzgerald (he's a free agent after next season), they must sign a viable QB.

Adam Schefter reported that when the Cardinals asked Larry Fitz who he wants tossing him passes next year, he responded with a ringing endorsement of Kevin Kolb.  Thank you Larry Fitzgerald.  I always knew I liked you.  Zona has the #5 overall pick in the draft and I can only pray they're foolish enough to give it up for KK.

For what it's worth, Fitz second choice was Marc Bulger. He's basically given them the option to either trade for Kolb, or sign a washed up, injury prone Marc Bulger off the street. This is why you don't ask players for input into personnel moves.

I Want A Melo And I Can't Have One And I'm Sad

With the news today that Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov has withdrawn his team from trade talks with the Nuggets, it appears that Carmelo Anthony is again available to the highest bidder. However, while that may be true, there are only a handful of teams that truly have a chance to acquire one of best scorers in the NBA.

Philadelphian's Rejoice: WILLIE GREEN TRADED!

Take a second to let it sink in: Willie Green is no longer a Sixer. We've been waiting for this moment for oh so long. No longer will we have to see him dribble a basketball off his foot. Gone are the days of Sixers fans being forced to watch him chuck up dozens of ill-advised shots that clang off the rim. No more giving 20+ minutes to a completely worthless player who contributed nothing in all areas of the game. I cannot express the happiness that came over me when I got the news. I'd say it was somewhere between the feeling you'd get on Super Bowl Sunday and how you felt as a kid on Christmas morning.

In exchange for Green and Jason Smith's expiring contracts, the Sixers got Songaila (nothing more than another expiring contract) and Craig Brackins from New Orleans. Brackins was the 21st pick in the NBA draft this year. So basically, the Sixers got a first round pick for two stiffs. Awesome.


I applaud Rod Thorn for this move and wonder why the Hornets hate Chris Paul so much. Enjoy this moment Sixers fans. No more Dalembert.  No more Willie Green.  Now only if we could find a way to get rid of Hip Hop...

[pic via Depressed Fan]

This Trade Rumor is Gold, Jerry! Gold!

By TWW friend Eric

The Phillies are pulling away in the NL east on their way to another World Series run. Football season has just begun and the Eagles are on everyone’s mind. What should I write about? Ridiculous 76ers trade rumors! Carmelo Anthony anyone?

So rumor has it that the 76ers may or may not be possibly entertaining the idea of perhaps putting together a hypothetical package which allegedly might maybe kinda include certain players leaving and others returning.

Anytime I hear “players leaving” in the same sentence as “76ers”...there is cause for excitement (Please be Willie Green Please be Willie Green Please be Willie Green Please be Willie Green).

Fun With Trades That Won't Happen

So apparently Colby Rasmus isn't too well liked by teammate Albert Pujols or manager Tony LaRussa and has requested a trade from St Louis management. That happened a few days ago. Since then everyone is predictably backpedaling, but I’m quite sure it’s still an issue in the Cardinals organization. The Cardinals would probably be better served getting rid of LaRussa than its high-end young talent, but what do I know?

Now, several blogs are posting possible destinations for Rasmus. After the jump I'll leave you with my proposal and a video you've probably seen before, but is worth posting again if only to ensure the creator is thoroughly embarrassed in the interwebs forever. 

Oh, and this dog in a Wonder-Woman getup has nothing to do with anything.  Or does it?  Yeah...you just think about that....

The One Where I Gush Over the Antwan Barnes Trade

Howie Roseman is a (inappropriate comment)*. And I say that in the most sincerely appreciative, complimentary way imaginable.

This man knows how to negotiate. While some early reports suggested his wheelin'/dealin' style may put him out of favor with other GMs around the league, what he has accomplished thus far in such a short amount of time is remarkable. Sure, it's far too early to grade all of his moves since, you know, the season hasn't started yet. But if you we're looking for the Eagles to get younger/get faster/cut payroll/rid themselves of malcontents, Mr. Roseman has more than delivered.

With that, I present you with the latest reason why I'm on the Rose-wagon: getting Antwan Barnes for a 7th round pick.

A Big Ol’ Bowl of Win

It wasn’t that long ago boys and girls that our swashbuckling GM, Rubes Jr., traded an ace away for a few middling prospects. Well, just when I think he couldn’t possibly be any dumber, he goes and does something like this…AND TOTALLY REDEEMS HIMSELF!!!

We all beat up GM’s from time to time whether it’s for signing players to bad contracts, trading away prospects we love for crappy rental players or for not making trades we really think they should make. If a move doesn’t pay off, we chastise them for it. If it does work, well, we focus on the players who made it happen. For the most part, it’s a rather thank-less job. But, I really have to hand it to Ruben here, he pulled off quite the coup in the Oswalt deal. It’s enough of a coup actually, that I almost, but not quite, will consider forgiving him for the Cliff Lee Fiasco of 2010.

But, alas, this isn't about Cliff Lee (actually everything is always about Cliff Lee, but I digress). It's about a pitcher named Roy and a dream. A dream to win another World Series and fleece Ed Wade in the process. Did the Phillies realize this dream today? Let's find out.

Your Cross-dressing Roy Oswalt Update

It's being reported everywhere that Oswalt is a waived no-trade clause away from being a Phillie. It's certain that JA Happ will be sent to Houston to die a death brought on by lack of run support. Nobody knows anything about how the money will work in the deal, or what prospects are involved.

In case you're wondering, (to our knowledge) Roy Oswalt isn't really a cross-dresser. That pic is from his rookie year in what I'm guessing was some type of hazing. So there's really no update there, just a picture that wasn't Oswalt in mid-throwing motion.

TheWizWit will give you a full analysis later if this thing actually happens. Remember when Cliff Lee was a Yankee a couple weeks ago? Yeah, anything can fall through.


[pic via Alyson's Footnotes - MLB Blog Network: Houston Astros]

The One Where Jamie Moyer's Elbow Turned to Dust

He was quickly diagnosed as suffering from "a touch of old". Wacky medical terms.

Don't feel bad for him though, the mere mention of Jamie Moyers' name causes women to climax. Something about dry skin and Brut aftershave on neckbeard makes ladies go wild.

Ehhh, maybe not. The injury looks like an elbow strain and he'll be on the DL for a while.

In case you didn't see the game last night, Ruben Amaro appeared in the pre-game to chat with Tom McCarthy. He seemed to let on he knows exactly what he plans to do in terms of trading. Something is definitely going to go down. Shortly thereafter, Moyer got hurt and was replaced by the newly called up Andrew Carpenter. Carpenter then quickly surrendered homers.

Then the "Jayson Werth to the Rays, Roy Oswalt to the Phillies, and prospects to the Astros" talk heated up over the internets during the game. The trade makes sense for all parties involved and I wouldn’t be surprised if it went down. A better long-term move may be for Dan Haren though. He's struggled early this year, but he's a legit Ace and great #2 who'd be asked to fall in behind Halladay and Hamels. Then there's JA Happ still working shit out in the minors (he'll likely take Kendrick's spot Saturday).

With the trade deadline a week and half away, I'm 100% sure someone new is coming to the Phillies rotation. I just hope they go with Oswalt or Haren. If they trade anything of value for a year of Ben Sheets, I'll be awful salty.

Phils to Trade Werth Because He is a Home Wrecker

Not really. Unless you believe twitter and internet rumors.

TheDirty reported that a ‘very reliable clubhouse source’ has said Jayson Werth is having sensual beard-sex with Chase Utley’s wife. Go ahead and get all the “Jen Utley - so easy a caveman can do it” jokes off your chest, I’ll wait.

Obviously, that report is just silly, and the chances of TheDirty being correct here are about as likely as Chris ‘Birdman’ Anderson not being high as shit right now. I'm quite sure there's no truth to a Werth/Utely affair.

But that talk of Werth being traded? Well that came from a legitimate source:

This DL Thing Really Grinds My Gears

Chase Utley and Placido Polanco hit the DL today. That isn't good news. Even with their recent surge, which has them back to within 2.5 games of the Braves, the Phillies have more to worry about now than three weeks ago. Can they survive without Utley and Polanco in the order? Who will step up? Why the hell don't we still have Cliff Lee? Will I work late every day? These are the questions keeping me up at night.

Sound The Vuvuzelas - DALEMBERT TRADED!

The day has come where all the frustrations of Samuel Dalembert have been lifted off Philadelphia basketball fans' shoulders. Sammy D is no longer a 76er. Like every other Philly sports fan with the ability to put together a complete thought, we here at TheWizWit have hated Sammy since day one. In case you forgot, THIS was the first post to ever appear on this blog.

You’ll be surprised how much my emotions shifted after hearing this news…

Eagles Stay Active, Land LB Sims from Lions

The Eagles just keep makin' moves. Today, the Birds aquired linebacker Ernie Sims from Detroit in a three-team trade. The Eagles will send a fifth round pick to the Broncos (who are sending tight end Tony Scheffler to the Lions, in addition to a seventh rounder) to complete the deal. You can expect Sims to take over at the weakside this year, hopefully giving the Eagles some much needed production from their LB core.

At first glance this seems like a steal for the Eagles, considering Ernie Sims was a first round pick in 2006 and already has three seasons of 110+ tackles on his resume. Of course, he only tallied 49 tackles a year ago and word is the Lions have soured on him as a player. But for a fifth round pick? I'll take the chance that the Lions are just stupid and that the Eagles just got themselves a very good player for a marginal pick. Plus, Sims had a few injuries last year so those 49 tackles were somewhat due to that. If it doesn't work out...it was just a fifth round pick anyway.

The Eagles still hold 10 picks, including five of the first 87 picks, so expect more wheeling and dealing before and during this year's draft. For those who don't know, this year's first round is actually on Thursday this week, in primetime.

Thanks Donovan

This post isn't about the trade. Ultimately, we can't evaluate that until we see what the Eagles do in the draft, how McNabb plays with the Redskins and whether or not Kevin Kolb is any good. Ideally, or perhaps selfishly, I hope all three go well with the Eagles being better than the Redskins of course.

But we'll get to that later. For now I think it's more important to honor the past 11 years and everything Donovan McNabb has brought us. Yes, there was some bad. He threw too many passes into the ground. He had trouble shining in big moments. He puked at the Super Bowl. He got hurt a lot. Sometimes he pissed us off beyond belief.

I Hate You, Eagles. Hate.

Ok, so maybe I don't hate the Eagles. I could never really hate the Eagles, I'm too diehard a fan to do that. But I do hate you Andy Reid. And you Howie Roseman. And you Joe Banner. And you Jeffery Lurie.

Trading Donovan McNabb to the Redskins...seriously? Are you fucking kidding me? You're going to trade a franchise quarterback to a team in your own division? For a second round pick?

FUCK YOU.

Brown to the Browns. And Gocong.

The Eagles continued their offseason house cleaning today, trading Sheldon Brown and Chris Gocong to the Browns for linebacker Alex Hall and a fourth (#105) and fifth (#137) round pick. This is basically a trade the Eagles have wanted to make since last year but couldn't because of depth issues at cornerback. Sheldon has been unhappy with his contract for a while now, so it shouldn't come as a suprise that he's gone now. Whether or not it's a good thing though remains to be seen.

The Day [Maybe] Has Come...

This could be it folks. The Eagles apparently have an offer on the table for #5 from the Rams. The Birds, in exchange for Donovan, would obtain FS Oshiomogho Atogwe and the Rams 2nd Round pick in April's NFL Draft (#33). Wow.

This deal obviously isn't official yet, and it may not happen at all. However, it looks like it will. And honestly...it should. It's time and we all know it is. Whether or not Kevin Kolb is going to suck (which I think he might) doesn't matter. What matters is that the Eagles obviously need to try something else, doing what they've been doing for the last 10 years hasn't worked.

So, if this is truly it, so be it. I'm ok with it. We'll all survive.

But I will miss #5. And you know you will too.

(We'll be back with more once/if this deal goes final. Until then, don't click the "Order" button on your Kevin Kolb jersey yet.)

UPDATE: The St. Louis Post Dispatch is reporting the rumors are false. Who the hell knows what is happening. But stay tuned. Odds are McNabb is probably getting moved, just probably not today.

Sixers Trade!!!!!

It's not Amare or McGrady, we aren't getting any more cap room for next year and Willie Green is sadly still a Sixer. However, the Sixers did make a move today, aquiring Jodie Meeks and Francisco Elson from the Bucks for Primoz Brezec, Royal Ivey and a second-round pick.

This trade makes sense for the Sixers, they liked Meeks coming out of college and there is some upside with him. He's undersized for a two-guard (6' 4'') but averaged 23+ points his last year at Kentucky, so the dude can score. It's worth a chance, especially since this team needs someone who can shoot. If he never pans out, oh well.

Everyone else in the trade is pointless, so no need to discuss that. And remember, a second round pick once got us Willie Green, so avoiding them in the future is probably a good idea.