Samuel Dalembert Sucks

Another season, another year of muttering "fucking Dalembert..." to myself. Why do we have this guy?

He can't score. He has terrible post moves, no jumper, no hook shot. He takes plays off. He's an offensive liability. He's a goaltending machine.

But he's a pretty good shot blocker, right?

He was 10th in the league this year. Of the 9 players with more blocks, 8 of them averaged more points. Sure, Schmammy D may have seen a couple less minutes than some of those guys, but there's a good reason for that. He sucks. He's 27 years old and the optimism of his upside that sold the Sixers front-office a couple seasons back has all but completely eroded. On top of that, he has been statistically in decline since the 06-07 season.


Peep this graph:

Take notice to the Fun Watching Him to Hatred ratio. Way out of proportion.

He's also an asshole. Remember back last summer when he got kicked off the Canadian National basketball team for acting like a prima donna? You're not Dwight Howard, you're not Andrew Bynum, you're not even Chris Kaman. You're Sammy Dalembert -- act like it.

That reminds me, he's Canadian. He hates freedom. If someone walked up to Samuel Dalembert and was like, "Yo, Sammy, would you rather go to the strip club or the Celene Dion concert tonight?" He'd be all like "Oh, I love Celene, aye." Probably.

Lastly, he's due to make $11,360,000 this year. For that money, the Sixers could pay Adrian Peterson, Tim Lincecum, and have enough money left over to hire 3,836 more girls to the Sixers Dance Team.

We've got to find a way to cut ties with this dude somehow. He is the foremost symbol of Sixers basketball mediocrity. Whenever I see him, I see our impending first-round playoff exit.

You suck, Samuel Dalembert.