Wednesday, March 24, 2010

TheWizWit Wallpaper Wednesday!

Has Goosebumps not taught you anything!?

If we really are about to end the McNabb era here in Philly -- like for real for real this time -- we all need to take a deep breath, THINK, and understand what we're getting ourselves into.

First of all, I support trading The Artist Formerly Sponsored By Soup if the birds can get adequate value for him. If the Rams really are ready to give up the 33rd pick and their Free Safety Atogwe (a 90 in Madden), I'm with it. I trust that Kolb can develop and play at a high level and hope that the Eagles are smart (and ruthless) enough to keep Vick around for the second year of his contract to take 10-20 snaps a game. That could work.  It will work.  No more dirt passes.

Sounds good, right?...feels good. more McNabb.  The phrase itself just feels like a warm bath.  Like breathing in clean laundry.  Ahhh. 

But take another breath, dummy. We are giving up a 6-time Pro Bowl easily-the-greatest-QB-in-franchise-history big arm quarterback that has taken us to 5 NFC Championship Games and a Superbowl. For what? A pick and Kevin Kolb? Don't envision Joe Flacco and Matt Ryan and forget Alex Smith and JaMarcus Russell.

And. Rodney Peete. And Ty Detmer. And Bobby Hoying. And Doug Pederson. And Koy Detmer. And AJ Feeley. Just saying.

And on that note...Kevin Kolb: The Choice.

The Day [Maybe] Has Come...

This could be it folks. The Eagles apparently have an offer on the table for #5 from the Rams. The Birds, in exchange for Donovan, would obtain FS Oshiomogho Atogwe and the Rams 2nd Round pick in April's NFL Draft (#33). Wow.

This deal obviously isn't official yet, and it may not happen at all. However, it looks like it will. And should. It's time and we all know it is. Whether or not Kevin Kolb is going to suck (which I think he might) doesn't matter. What matters is that the Eagles obviously need to try something else, doing what they've been doing for the last 10 years hasn't worked.

So, if this is truly it, so be it. I'm ok with it. We'll all survive.

But I will miss #5. And you know you will too.

(We'll be back with more once/if this deal goes final. Until then, don't click the "Order" button on your Kevin Kolb jersey yet.)

UPDATE: The St. Louis Post Dispatch is reporting the rumors are false. Who the hell knows what is happening. But stay tuned. Odds are McNabb is probably getting moved, just probably not today.

Name of the Year Has Returned - Let the Hilariousness Begin

If you are not familiar with what I speak, then you have been deprived of one of the Internet's greatest treasures.  Name of the Year has returned for Twenty-Ten.

This website is absolutely fantastic on so many levels.  It's your standard 64 entry tournament in the bracket format that all March Madness fans have been accustomed to.  In the end, there will be a name of the year crowned.  And these names are absolutely off-the-wall outrageous and hilarious. 

The best part is - they are REAL names.  These aren't made up.  Nohjay Nimpson, Charity Beaver, and Coke Wisdom O'Neal are all real, documented people that live within our society. 

I've been waiting for WEEKS for NOTY to post it's new bracket.  The giggle factor alone is tremendous.  It's amazing how a blog that only posts for about 8 weeks a year is this entertaining - but it is.

For the record, my Name of the Year Final Four is: Courvoisier Riley, Special Jennings, Steele Sidebottom, and Furious Bradley.  Steele Sidebottom wins it in overtime.  Epic.

Go HERE to fill out your bracket.  Follow along and vote at the NOTY home page.  You will not be disappointed.  Besides, we all know you had Kansas beating Kentucky in the final of the NCAA tourney and have no chance of winning your work pool.  Brandie from Payroll is winning that.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Ring Ding Dong

Mike Bell is an Eagle.

To preface, I had never paid attention to Mike Bell before last year. I'd heard of the name from fantasy and stuff know...whatever. Early in the season, due to ludicrously-overpriced DirecTV my wonderful Sunday Ticket cable package, I got to see most New Orleans Saints games. Five words from what I saw: Mike Bell is the shit.

Yeah, yeah I'm not stupid or naive...we're not picking up Madden 2001 Eddie George here. The Saints wouldn't give up a great RB even if Reggie Bush is accounting for literally* (*not literally) a bazillion dollars against their cap in the coming years. You know, assuming that a salary cap comes back after next year. But I digress. The point: I am very excited about this.

Non-Sports: Census Time!

I'm sure you've all been good citizens and have promptly filled out your Census forms.  I personally am on my second "reminder" notice.  I'll get around to it when I'm taking a dump or something.

Now, I could try and do a bullshit job of loosely tying the Census into some type of crappy sports analogy.  But honestly, I'm too lazy for that and really just wanted an excuse to post this video.  Easily a top 10 SNL skit.  Probably in my personal top 5. 

Will Chase Utley Win 2010 NL MVP?

Mayyyybe...? Allow me to explain.

You can't just say yes. Because to say yes means that Albert "Jesus Christ Holy Shit" Pujols won't win it -- and I'm not prepared to make that statement. Since 2001 Poo-joles has never hit below .316 and has never had less than a .400 OBP, 100 RBI, or 30 HRs. Those are big dick numbers, my friends.

But yes, our man Chase is certainly in the chase hunt. Tons of reasons why. Since 2006 two Phillies have already been awarded MVP (Howard in '06 and Rollins in '07), so history is on our side. He might get a production boost from Ed Bighead hitting in the 2 hole. He's hit 28+ HRs in the past four out of the five seasons and finished with 93+ RBI in those years. He plays "old school". His blood smells like cologne. His "game hair" has a Don Draper-like slickness to it.  And, lest we forget...he's the best second baseman in the damned universe!

Also, this 18 year-old New Yorker with the Yahoo handle "Machinehead 625 NYR NYY NYG CUSE" says to "keep an eye on him". If a source as credible as this doesn't convince you that Utley has a legit shot, nothing will.

Boo? Fuck you.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Spare Me The "Cinderella" Shit

I hate articles like this.

Every couple years we get this rehashed crap about parity in college basketball, how anybody can beat anybody in March and how even the little guy has a chance. Really? This drives me friggin' nuts. We are only TWO years removed from ALL FOUR #1 seeds reaching the Final Four. The year before? Two #1's and two #2's. Last year? Try two #1's, a #2 and a #3.

Parity exists in the first two rounds. It always has. Big-time teams can play tight, look rusty and a mid-major can knock them off when they play great. It's what makes the tourney so great, we all know this already. But minus George Mason in 2006, the parity stops there. Yes, you'll occasionally get the #4 or #5 seed in the Final Four. However, those are top 25 teams already so it's not like they're true "cinderella" stories. Smart money still says Syracuse, Kentucky and Duke will make the Final Four. That would give us three #1 seeds, I'm not seeing the parity there Gene. And even if a Saint Mary's, Cornell or Northern Iowa somehow gets to the Final Four (this isn't happening by the way) it just means this was a down year for the "haves." Hell, perennial powerhouses UNC, UCLA, and UConn didn't even make the tournament this year. That's saying something.

So spare me Gene Wojciechowski. Please go out there, do your job and come up with an original story that interests me. Please.

But, after all, he is same douchebag that wrote this article.