Monday, September 13, 2010

Eagles 20, Packers 27: Pointing Fingers!

Oh snap!

So THAT shit didn't pan out how we wouldda guessed. If you had two season-ending injuries, two concussions, and a return of the Michael Vick Experience scramble party on your scorecard, then you are the winner! And psychic. WIIIIITCH!!!

And while I was hoping I wouldn't have to write a "Pointing Fingers" article this week, there are obviously some interesting things to talk about / blame for this loss including KevinKolbSucksHe'sTerrible, No Love for DeSean, Brent Celek Kidnapping, Winston Justice's Averageness, Ellis Hobbs, Marty Mornhinweg's employment, Andy Reid's genius, and Omar Gaither.

KevinKolbSuckHe'sTerrible - He's not, actually. I know everyone wants to jump off the Kolb bandwagon after a half of football, but you have to remember that A) the Packers are really good, B) It was only a half, C) the Packers, like the eagles, have been preparing for this game for months, and D) Kevin Kolb is terrible. Wait...scratch that last one. I'll give the kid a couple more shots at it before giving him the Bobby Hoying Award.

And on the flipside, let's not all start sucking Michael Vick's red dog dick just yet. I like Vick more than the average Philly fan (I'm a cat person), but even I wouldn't be dumb/blind enough to take one half against a team that was under-prepared for his skill set as the beginning of the "Vick Era" in Philly (yes, the Daily News has seriously written that). He's got tremendous athletic ability and a cannon for an arm...but let's not forget that his cannon often fires way off target and/or into the hands of players in different color jerseys. He missed two easy crossing patterns including one to a wide open DeSean Jackson in space. Vick is who he is and for the most part that's a very good thing. But he'll never be the faster version of McNabb that you fools are making him out to be.

Lastly, there is nothing wrong with continuously subbing Vick/Kolb during a game. I'm tired of all these people complaining that Kolb can't get into a "rhythm" because of this strategy. It seemed to work okay last year when they did it in both of Kolb's starts (300+ yards in each), and if this is what they practice, this is what they'll be used to. Vick is too dangerous to be sitting on the sideline all game.  From where I'm sitting, it looks like the Eagles have got a Quarterback PROtroversy brewing.  Controversies are so negative -- nothing wrong with having a capable backup signal caller.

No Love for DeSean - How am I supposed to see this nigga Dougie when he only gets four catches? The frustration from Mr. Jackson was obvious all game, and it is the fault of the coaching staff for not trying to get the ball in the hands of their best playmaker. A reverse, a WR screen, a wildcat snap...anything could have been used to get him more touches. With DeSean being grossly underpaid, the offense looking stagnant, Kolb not getting him the ball, Maclin getting more looks and TDs (and money), and the possibility of the Eagles losing more than a few games, the birds are creating the perfect storm for a DeSean Jackson press conference meltdown. Stop cheating me outta fantasy points, Marty!

Brent Celek Kidnapping - Last seen catching passes, doin' the Captain, and being relevant.

Winston Justice's Averageness - Not to completely knock the guy because he's done an improbable career 180 to win the Eagles starting RT position, but Winston Justice can in no way be the long term solution at tackle. It was his whiff on Packers LB Clay Matthews that gave Kevin Kolb career concussion #1, and it just seems like the birds are coasting with him as their starter. This has gotta get addressed at some point.

Ellis Hobbs - Daaamn, homey. In Preseason you was the maaaan, homey -- the fuck happened to you?

Actually Ellis' day wasn't all bad, but his confusion / ridiculously bad angle on Packers WR Greg Jennings is what gave up the backbreaker touchdown to the Pack. Jennings actually MOCKED his coverage on the sidelines after! Ellis can make all the solid tackles in the world, but they don't mean anything if he's giving up easy TD passes.

Marty Mornhinweg's Employment - is a big reason for this loss. I'm not even gonna harp on the fourth-and-1 terrible, terrible Vick up-the-gut play call -- it was obviously first-degree retarded. But there was so much more that was bad about his job calling this game. How about McCoy only getting SEVEN carries (5.0 avg)? How about calling that CRAZYPREDICTABLE goal line shovel pass that's been in the Eagles playbook since 1994? Who cares if Vick has never practiced this before and that it's completely obvious to everyone watching that he has no idea what he's doing? LET'S RUN BURN A DOWN AND RUN THAT SHIT ANYWAY! Go Marty!

Andy Reid's Genius -

"(Clears throat) How much time is left, ref?"
"Looks to be about 5 minutes and change."
"Okay, lemme get 4 timeouts."
" only have 3."
"Okay, lemme get 3 timeouts."
"You're only allowed one at a time."
"Since when!?!"

And don't forget that he tried to murder our punch-drunk stumbly starting MLB by putting him back in the game after a concussion. One thing I did like, though -- Andy and Marty dusted off the Playstation 2 at halftime and dug into the 2005 Atlanta Falcons' playbook to get something going with MV7. Cheap sideline scramble left! Cheap sideline scramble right! It's just a shame Andy's brilliance couldn't come up with much else.

Omar Gaither - is baaaaaad. Bad meaning bad not bad meaning good. Packers points with StewBrad in the game - 3. Packers points with Omar Gaither in the game - 24. Ouch.  Get well soon, Stew!

Overall, while this loss felt especially painful because of the season-ending injuries and poor play of Kevin Kolb, we have to remember that this is only the first game. We came into this week with zero people on the injury was only a matter of time before that sheet was filled with names. It's how we do. But I sincerely believe that this can be a very good year for the Eagles if they can play to their strengths (QB pressure, creating turnovers, quick passes, Vick running) and avoid the dumb mistakes/penalties.  Plus we have a good that's a plus.

The Lions are on tap -- time to get the first W.  Go birds.

Main picture courtesy of AP Photo/Miles Kennedy via ESPN.


  1. Agree about Desean, they had to get him the ball and just didn't do it. They could have done ANYTHING to get him the ball and they didn't.

    Disagree about Kolb: he stinks. I give him 2 more games to change my mind, if there is no improvement we're in trouble.

    And the two most predictable plays EVER: the shovel pass and the 1 yard stuff to end the game. They didn't line up in the shovel pass formation, but they shifted into it and immediately you just know it won't work. It's been the most predictable play in football for like 3 years but McNabb and Westbrook were just really really really good at it. And the final play, it was painfully obvious Vick was gonna run and that it wasn't going to work. I hate Andy Reid.

  2. blame the 4th and 1 on celek's complete inability to block clay matthews... and the fact that mccoy came in to help and then provided none. if weaver didn't get injured, he makes that block. also on 4th and 1 desean didn't have anyone within ten yards of him by the time vick took his first step.

    good article, btw.

  3. Stew Brad's insufficient Swagger rating?

  4. my man was stagger-swaggering all over that bitch. bump him up, EA Sports!