Friday, June 4, 2010

Chicago Tribune Writers Unoriginal, Kind Of Bitchy

You know what I hate most about Philadelphia sports? Being forced to see newspaper "articles" that begin with:

PHILADELPHIA - The City of Brotherly Love. That's a good one.

Oh good. Another 'Philly fans are assholes' story.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Thanks Griffey

Ken Griffey Jr. was my favorite baseball player of all time. No other non-Phillie even comes close. I remember dreaming when I was young that one day Griffey would be a Phillie, just so I could root for my favorite player on my favorite team.

Obviously, that dream never came true, but I did get the chance to see Griffey play live once. In Texas, against the Rangers, I got to see Griffey (and a young A-Rod) play. As to not disappoint me, he hit a bomb of a home run to right center. Awesome.

Griffey was easily the best player I've ever seen play live. He had otherworldly power (630 career HR), was a great fielder when he was young (10 gold gloves) and had speed. He was the total package, with the sweetest left-handed swing you'd probably ever see. And, unlike most players in his era, he has never been implicated in any steroid allegations. (Plus, Ken Griffey Jr. baseball for SNES was an incredible game.)

Ultimately, Griffey's career was derailed by injuries (kinda like most non-steriod taking athletes) and he was never his normal self after leaving Seattle. He never got the chance to play in the World Series and made only one League Championship Series (1995 ALCS). His career will always have that "What If?" feel to it.

But none of that really matters when talking about Griffey. He was the closest thing I had to a boyhood sports idol and for that I'll always be thankful. I just wish Thor Foss never stole my only Griffey rookie card in sixth grade. Asshole. What a prick.

Anyway, thanks, Griffey. You may not be the best ever, but you're certainly the best I ever saw.

(And technically my opinion is the only one that matters, thus making him the best ever. So, congrats. You're the best ever.)

Zombie Eagles 2010?

The Washington Redskins have made an offer to former Eagles runningback/concussion enthusiast Brian Westbrook today, which could be the first step towards two Eagles vs. Zombie Eagles matchups in 2010.

If he accepts (which he may be forced to do after interest from Denver and St. Louis has cooled) BWest will join Donovan McNabb and Brian Dawkins in the Man-I-thought-I-would-retire-an-Eagle club. He would also join a crowded Redskin backfield filled with former Pro Bowlers Clinton Portis, Larry Johnson, and Willie Parker. Mike Shanahan is offering this contract for one of three reasons:

A - He wants to create a sense of competition and urgency amongst his large stable of old, complacent RBs
B - McNabb has already thrown his weight around and forced his hand
C - He's an idiot masochist who enjoys watching head injuries and two-yard runs

Time will tell.

This Is Why No One Reads The Sporting News

I love statistics, lists, and rankings as much as the next guy, but holy shitballs - The Sporting News has no idea what they're writing about anymore.

Each year, they comprise a list of Major League Baseball's Top 50 players. These rankings are decided by a brain trust of 125 experts. I'm not sure what type of time vortex or bizarro world these "experts" are stuck in, but my God... this is probably the worst job of judging current talent I have ever seen.

Flyers Take Game 3

Claude Giroux scored 5:59 into overtime and Philadelphia finally exhaled. The Flyers are back in the series.

After an incredible back and forth game, I really had no idea what to expect going into overtime. These teams have played pretty even hockey for most of this series (one could argue the Flyers have been the better team overall) so either team could have left last night with the win.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Jackass of the Day Award: Jim Joyce

If you have ever made a terrible mistake, you'll certainly empathize with what Jim Joyce did tonight. Detroit Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga was one out away from a perfect game when the fu manchu wearing dumbo Joyce decided to call Jason Donald safe.


Panic Time, Jodie Foster Style

For those of you unlucky enough to have never seen the movie Panic Room, let me offer you a quick synopsis. A woman (Jodie Foster) and her diabetic daughter (Kristen Stewart) buy some old guy's house in manhattan that has a pimped out panic room. The night they move in, three dudes (Jared Leto, Forest Whitaker and Dwight Yoakam) try to break in and steal some bearer bonds that are locked in a safe in the panic room (Leto plays the old guy's grandson). Jodie Foster sees them on the security cameras and locks her and Stewart in the panic room before the burglars can get to them. The sneaky thiefs try everything to get into the room, but it's basically a fortress so nothing doing. They get frustrated. They get angry. Eventually Foster's ex-husband shows up at the house, the burglars kick his ass, Foster leaves the room, Stewart is sick and needs medicine and two of burglars die (one of those events is out of order and I skipped over some major plot points, sorry). It's really not that good a movie - kinda boring and a has silly "bad guy shows a good side" ending. But it does serve as the perfect metaphor (probably not) for what the Phillies offense is going through right now.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

God Hates Marlin Jackson's legs

As per
Marlin Jackson went up to defend a pass down the middle of the field, came down on the artificial turf inside the practice facility at the NovaCare Complex and the whole picture in the defensive backfield changed. For how long, we don't know (yes we do), but a ruptured Achilles tendon sounds like a season-long injury (it is). Jackson, signed in the off-season as a low-risk, high-reward player, reacted the way players react when they know they are seriously hurt.

Jackson immediately clutched his right leg, rocked back and forth, and then took off his gloves and threw them to the ground.

MARLIN JACKSON: Oh my God...aarrgggdggddd! WHY God...WHYY???

God: Because you are the owner of Roy Spancake's legs, Marlin.

MJ: Oh my God!

God: Yes?

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Perfect Game = Blingee Time

Perfect Roy

This ain't no fuckin game! Arf! Arf!

The time is right. It's been over six months since I last did a Blingee, and this one is well-earned. Perfect game. Eleven strikeouts. No dudes on base.

Zero dudes on base.

Hustle. Loyalty. Respect.

A Random ESPN User Wins The Weekend

Sadly, Philly sports fans were denied multiple orgasms this evening. The Flyers weren't able to pull out a win in the opening game of the Stanley Cup Finals. (Don't worry... that's why they make them 7 game series.) But as promised, history was indeed made tonight - Roy Halladay became only the 20th pitcher in the history of Major League Baseball to throw a Perfect Game. Words really can't express just how friggin ridiculously awesome this is. If you need me to explain this feeling to you, you're not a real sports fan and should leave our site immediately.

While I cannot say enough about the tremendous accomplishment Halladay achieved today, I'd be remiss to not mention the ultimate 'You called it' moment of all-time.