Friday, February 11, 2011


A few weeks ago 76ers GM Rod Thorn was quoted as saying that Iguodala was the Darrelle Revis of the NBA. He’s crazy, right? Crazy like a fox.

In the Sixers victory against the league best San Antonio Spurs, Iguodala dominated. He was 2 of 15 for 7 points. Still, I stand by my statement. Iguodala made at least 5 or 6 amazing plays on the defensive end against Richard Jefferson and Manu Ginobili. The same Manu Ginobili that has entered himself into the MVP discussion this season. Is Manu the only All-Star Iguodala has locked down this year? Hardly.

Bobby Clarke Has A Pretty Mouth's Photo section posted a gallery today of "Hockey's All-Time Best Toothless Smiles". Clearly, our own Bobby Clarke ranked high on the list. Also making the list was Dan Carcillo. Check out the whole gallery HERE. It's a good way to waste 5 minutes. Trust me.

So really, how great of a photograph is this? I dare you to make this your wallpaper for the rest of your work day. At the very least it's bound to bring people by and stir up some good sports conversation. God knows you’ve already given up for the day.

Would You Buy A $400 MacBook From This Man?

[] Officer Augello found a FedEx box turned inside out and packaged with Apple labels, making it look like a brand new laptop computer inside. "He told me that someone sold this to him for 400 bucks. I said, 'But its 2,299? May I open it for you?'" the Officer said. When Officer Augello opened the package, it was indeed a phony parcel. Inside, there was a phone book, sealed in saran-wrap and bound with packing tape. The phone book was from Tallahassee.

Oh Clyde Brown, you scallywag, you almost had me with the old phonebook-in-a-box trick. I thought I was getting a hot deal on some of Steve Jobs’ personal stock. If I wasn't such a worrywart when it comes to fake ass Apple logo's taped to boxes, we would've had a deal.

Ok seriously, this guy looks like a collegiate 1980's point guard who wasted his talents on coke and white girls. Who the hell is trusting enough to believe there’s a laptop worth $2,299 is inside that shitty box? Man, people are gullible as hell. But I guess we have to at least give this guy points for coming up with a good way to put phonebooks to use.

Jim Washburn To Give D Line Steroids, Continue Looking Grizzled

CSN Philly - After a federal investigation, a grand jury indicted Washburn and three other South Carolina coaches on charges of distributing steroids. Washburn eventually agreed to a plea bargain in which he was sentenced to serve three months in a halfway house and three years of probation.
“I did a stupid thing a long time ago, and I’ve paid for it ever since, and I got sentenced to prison,” Washburn said. “Let down my family. It was stupid. Stupid thing. I’ve paid for it ever since. I guess I’ll pay for it the rest of my life. I guess I’ll never take another job and not have somebody bring it up. That’s life.”
Eagles fans will love Washburn. He’s got the same brutally honest, self-deprecating, down-home, country personality as Charlie Manuel. Unfortunately, because Reid does not allow his position coaches to speak with the media, we may never hear from Washburn again.

I love every bit of this. Keep 'em quiet, Andy. I know the shit was a bazillion years ago and that now dude looks like a lemon party cock, but I really hope he introduces the Birds' D-line to some how-not-to-get-caught steroid use. Those pricks were horrible last season. I don't care if they all get depression or tiny balls or rickets or whatever -- I just wanna see drug-enraged monsters giving Eli Manning the ol' Clay Matthews/Kevin Kolb head smash. Just knock his brain back to 11 years old.

If Daniel Teo' Nesheim is 6'7" and 360 by training camp, you'll know this motherfucker is doin his job.

Yup, This Happened

All Cop.

Philly has Rocky. Detroit's fictitious inspiration is RoboCop. I see nothing wrong with this and would totally love to get a picture next to a RoboCop statue. You know... if I could do it without setting foot in Detroit.

Sad Face Emoticon: Golden Nugget Tavern On Fire

If you've ever been to the Golden Nugget, you know why this is so troublesome. There's little information right now, but the blaze began at 5 a.m. this morning and took firefighters an hour to control. There were no reports of injuries and no cause of the fire has been stated.

If you're confused why a fire at this country dive bar makes me weep, it's because I frickin' love line dancing, okay? Alright, not really, I hate that shit. But The Nugget, in my expert opinion, is THE best place in South Jersey to get wings. They're delicious to a degree you can't even wrap your feeble mindgrapes around. All you can eat wing nights? I drown my breakfast in that sauce.

I know what you're saying, "Two food related posts in a row?" Yeah, there are. You got beef? I hear food posts come in threes, so you better watch your back. Anyway, here's hoping the Golden Nugget gets back up and running soon and doesn't displace hoards of wing eaters and all of South Jersey's over 40 crowd.

PYT Burgers Will Eat You

That's TV's Rachel Ray shoving a miniature submarine into her cavernous mouth. If you wanted to have the same experience then you're in luck. There is a PYT Burger in Northern Liberties.  It's a destination vacation for a man looking to absolutely flush away a day's paycheck and the loosest parts of his colon.

If you take a look at their menu they specialize in creative burgers and "adult" shakes. (That is, milkshakes with alcohol in them, NOT the condition Michael J. Fox has.)

If you're not a drinker they have regular shakes for 5 (FIVE!!!!) dollars. That's a shake. It's milk. And ice cream. It's five dollars.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Michael Jordan Is Bad Ass

[] - Short on players for practice, the Charlotte Bobcats found an extra body in the front office: Michael Jordan. The Hall of Famer and Bobcats owner suited up for Thursday's workout, participating in a full-court scrimmage and showing a few of the old moves that helped make him a six-time NBA champion. "He's Mike. He's been kicking our [butts]. He still has it," forward Gerald Wallace said. "He doesn't have this quickness, but he can score, he's a shooter. The last thing to ever go is your jump shot and he has that."

Seriously, MJ is awesome. In between being a bad GM, gambling millions upon millions and probably laying tons of pipe, he's still able to get out on the court and ball with guys half his age. At 48 I'll probably have prostate problems, ear hair and a gut the size of Andy Reid. Jordan? He's dropping fall-away jumpers over Gerald Wallace.


R U Rah Rah

Hahaha suck it, Nova. Sure, you're a private school with higher educational standards and national basketball recognition while my Alma Mater is the home of STDs, nappy headed hos, and paralyzed dudes, but fuck it. We won. Ya'll lost.

Ya burnt! ...Which is also what most Rutgers women say immediately following sex with a new partner.

[Goes to bathroom and pees fire]

h/t The700Level

Norm MacDonald Coming Back To TV Should Be Fun

Norm is coming back to TV with his own weekly Sports show on Comedy Central and I couldn’t be more excited. His awkward style of dry, blunt humor is nothing short of fantastic and he should’ve been back on TV ages ago.

The Onion's Sportsdome has been hit and miss, but I have a feeling MacDonald's new show might catch on. His face might be looking like an old catcher's mitt these days, but after all, he was the guy who did THIS.  Alas, every new show I invest myself in seems to disapper after one season, so this post is probably a kiss of death.

I Bet It Tasted Like Crap

Poo Muncher Caught On Camera - Watch more Funny Videos

Well that was unpleasant. I stumbled upon this and felt obligated to force your eyes on it as well. This lady dives deep into her cavernous backside, does a little digging, and decides to take a whiff. Then gives it (what looks to be) a quick lick. WHAT. THE. FUCK. You clearly just dookied your drawers, but for some reason, decided to go back for seconds. My favorite part of this comes after her confirmation sniff when she looks at her friend and as if to say, "Welp, it happened again."

Her actions just boggle my brain. I won't even do an over-the-pants butt scratch in public for fear of someone noticing. It's like a covert mission to accomplish that feat when others are around. Minutes of planning and precise movement go into relieving my itchy buns. If you ever catch me forearm deep in my ass, by all means, bash me in face with a brick. I'll understand.

[h/t Break]

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Ugly Chick Dropkicks the Hell Out of Two Skinny, Less-Ugly Chicks

"Dropkick" may not be the correct term here, more of a front kick or Big Boot. I fucking love the Big Boot. One of my all-time favorite wrestling moves. Throw some dude against the ropes and he just comes running full speed back at you right into your heel. Why doesn't he just stop running? Who knows. What I do know, is that this video has proven that the practical use of this front kick/big boot maneuver in a real-life fight environment (outside of a club) is useful.

So watch out, club-going-tough-guys-who-wanna-start-shit-outside-the-club. There's a 6'6" blogger who will front kick your shit into a two-day hospital visit you can't afford.

Also, what is it with girl fights that stop them from being able to jump someone? There's THREE OF YOU. This ain't Enter the Dragon. You don't have to wait for the ugly broad to beat up your friend before you attack. If all of you just punch at the same time, it's curtains. Jeez.

h/t Unathletic

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Wanna Hear Shawn Bradley and Chad Lewis Perform As Backup Singers?

Video Courtesy of

Add musical talent to Shawn Bradley’s disappointing life resume. I don't really have too much to add about Chad Lewis… I was too busy being distracted by Bradley's awkwardness. I almost wish they crammed as many former Philly BYU products as they could in the video. Ty Detmer on the sax, Vai Sikahema playing the jug, and Reno Mahe could work the triangle. Now THAT, my friends, is a band.

Oh and Jimmer Fredette is the truth. My schedule these days doesn't permit much NCAA basketball as I’d like before March. Having said that, I don't know if Jimmer's game is going to translate to the next level, or if he's more in the mold of Adam Morrison’s crustache. What I do know, is that Kevin Durant said he's the best pure scorer ever. The guy is hella fun to watch and has a big-shot swagger I love. Scorers like Jimmer don't come around too often, so us white guys can't help but man-crush the shit out of 'em when they do.

[h/t via BGN]

It's Impossible To Not Get Chills By Watching This Video

I'm so ready for this season to start. My child-like impatience is making me sick of all the Spring Training countdowns... I just want baseball and I want it right now. I don’t even care that the guy who made the video made some of those nicknames up. This video is well done, satisfies my daily craving of baseball, and managed to get me even more pumped for April 1st.

Go Phils!

[h/t to our friends at TheSchoolPhilly]

Your Ridiculously Early Superbowl Odds For 2012

Bodog posted the early lines for each team’s odds at winning Superbowl XLVI. Our Philadelphia Eagles sit at 16/1 which is actually slightly worse odds of winning than I'd thought they get. I figured they'd be more in the 14/1 or 12/1 range. As you might've guessed the Packers have the best odds at 7/1, followed by the Patriots at 8/1 and the Steelers at 10/1. The Birds have the same odds of winning next year’s Superbowl as the Falcons, Cowboys, and Jets. Your “longshots-who-will-never-win-a-Superbowl-ever” teams are the Panthers and Bills at 100/1.

So if you're a betting man, here are two picks I'd jump on now in case either of these teams signs/trades for a QB for next year: Cardinals 75/1 and Vikings 35/1.

While they're both giving you great value, don't fall into a trap of broken promises and disappointment by betting on the Chargers at a silly 12/1. Those fuckers have ruined my Superbowl prediction for the last 3 years. Bunch of paper-champion, poorly coached, shitheads.  Philip Rivers is a boner.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Brent Celek's Groin Is Excited To Meet You

So am I crazy or does Captain Morgan look like AJ Daulerio and sound like Guy Fieri? He does, right? Whatever. Even though I hate spiced rum, this was actually kinda funny and supports my thought that Brent Celek would be a cool guy to have a pizza party with.

Anyway, I'd really just like to know what other work the actor who plays the Captain has done. You just know he has a long list of credits he's not proud of. Like "Pirate #3" at Little Jimmy's Bar Mitzvah. But alas, the Internet has failed me. I searched for minutes ages and couldn't even find the guy's real name.

[h/t KSK]

Larry Fitz Wants Him Some Hogkiller

Each Arizona Cardinal who attempted to pretend they were an NFL quarterback failed miserably last year. Arizona QB's threw a total of 10 TD's all year while their completion percentage barely reached 50%. So to avoid another disaster, and actually have a chance to resign Larry Fitzgerald (he's a free agent after next season), they must sign a viable QB.

Adam Schefter reported that when the Cardinals asked Larry Fitz who he wants tossing him passes next year, he responded with a ringing endorsement of Kevin Kolb.  Thank you Larry Fitzgerald.  I always knew I liked you.  Zona has the #5 overall pick in the draft and I can only pray they're foolish enough to give it up for KK.

For what it's worth, Fitz second choice was Marc Bulger. He's basically given them the option to either trade for Kolb, or sign a washed up, injury prone Marc Bulger off the street. This is why you don't ask players for input into personnel moves.

TheWizWit Has a Podcast?!?

Click play below to enjoy the soothing sounds of our voices as we discuss topics ranging from Juan Castillo to Prince Fielder's fat ass.

Download Podcast

Sunday, February 6, 2011

"I Think He's Supposed to Be Crumping"

I can't explain exactly why this is so funny. It just is. The fat kid, the Urkel, the husky riverdance, the commentary, all of it.

Jack fuckin murked this thing with the double-handed diagonal air punches. Steve (like Urkel), unable to continue his frantic Michael Jackson-like spasms, pulls out some wack jumping spider move. Pfft. Jack wins this shit hands down.

"Ooo HE'S LIKE FIGHT...DANCING." You're damn right he is.