Links for Friday

If you haven't heard yet, it's being reported through multiple gossip sites that MTV has renewed Jersey Shore for a second season. MTV is denying this but I doubt that is more than a stall tactic until they are ready to announce where the season will take place (possibly Sea Isle??). Seriously, I wouldn't know what to do without another season of the duck phone, beatin' the beat up or smushing. Everyone needs a little Snooki in their life.

Onto the links:

Cinco de Five-o: the Dump Donovan D-Day

Will he go? Will he stay? Will the Eagles keep Vick? Will Kolb live up to expectations? Will you find something or someone in life that brings you more joy than mercilessly criticizing the lives and decisions of millionaire athletes that don't even know you exist? WE FIND OUT!

Flyin' Hawaiian Agrees to Deal

Late breaking news on this Thursday night, Shane Victorino has agreed to a three-year, $22 million contract. While my hatred for Victorino has been well documented, this is a great signing for the Phillies. That means the entire core of the team, outside of Jayson Werth, is now signed through at least 2011.

While he takes too many gambles in the field and he pops up wayyyyyy too much, he is a valuable part of this team. Charlie Manuel (who lost a shitload of weight this offseason) has said Polanco will bat second, likely moving Victorino down the seven spot. I like that for Victorino and he should still score his 90+ runs and have his 25+ stolen bases.

Good job Ruben.

Ok, back to Jersey Shore.

Heavy B Is Here To Stay

The Phillies and GM Ruben Amaro Jr. continued their busy offseason today when they annouced pitcher Joe Blanton had agreed to a shiny new three-year $24-million contract. With this signing the Phillies now have their top four pitchers signed through at least 2010 (Halladay, Hamels, Blanton and Happ). That's pretty good.

Some will say the Phillies didn't need to do this right now and could have got a better deal in the offseason. That may be true, but I have no problem paying $8 million to a 29-year old who throws 190+ innings of 4.00-ish ERA ball. Remember, the Mets are paying Oliver Perez $12 million a year to walk every batter he faces and the Cubs are paying Carlos Silva the same (how bad a dude does Milton Bradley have to be for the Cubs to trade him for Silva? ) to suck balls. So, you can do much, much worse that Joe Blanton.

Plus, any dude that leaves a game wearing an electrical socket costume is awesome. That and any pitcher that does this.

And for those who have never seen her, here is his wife.

Comcast, DirecTV Battle In Dance Of Death

The FCC -- you know, the place where all those Adam Lambert complaint letters were sent -- has done something it should have done a long time ago: closed a "terrestrial loophole" against Comcast Corp that had kept the Phillies, Flyers, and Sixers off DirecTV (well.. Dish Network too, for the six of you that actually subscribe to that service).

Dear Mark Sanchez - Please Don't Ruin The Super Bowl

The Jets earned the Cinderella tag yesterday by beating the San Diego Chargers in the AFC Divisional Round of the playoffs. He also helped put the Jets one win away from a Super Bowl berth.

And with that, the New York Jets are now also one win away from ruining the Super Bowl.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Eagles fans, you can breathe a sigh of relief. The Cowboys aren't winning the Super Bowl this year.

Yesterday, the Minnesota Vikings dismantled (I love that word) the Cowgirls. All the "Romo has arrived" and "that Cowboys defense is playing great" talk has been replaced with "oh, right, Wade Phillips blows" and "Romo enjoys male genitals in his mouth." It's glorious.

So, Cowboys fans, fuck you. Go home, crawl under a rock and hide again until September. No one likes you, not even your mother. But she sure does love my dong.

Oh, and how great is it that the Vikings ran up the score on the vagina wearing Cowboys? Seriously, Keith Brooking, stop sounding like a 16-year old girl whose boyfriend just dumped her two days after she spent hundreds of dollars throwing him a suprise birthday party. Get over it already.