Saturday, August 21, 2010

OchoCinco Has Questions, StewBrad Has Answers

The answer and video of the Stewart Bradley hit after the jump. With an UPDATE!

Friday, August 20, 2010

TheWizWit Fantasy Football Sleepers & Busts (With Jokes!)

I'm going to caution you.  This IS NOT a list of rankings.  There are a ton of places in cyberspace where you can find a fantasy football rankings list.  Plus, rankings lists are  overrated.  Anyone with a working brainstem has at least a rough idea of where guys should be drafted.  If anything, the primary use of a rankings list is to cross the names off as guys come off the board during your draft.  They really just make sure you don't have a mental lapse and forget about a player still being available.

Fantasy leagues are won in these middle and late rounds.  Nobody should have a problem getting through the first few rounds of a draft - unless you took Matt Forte with your first pick last year, of course.  So sit back, relax, and let TheWizWit be responsible for your success - which I'm sure you'll then steal and claim to your friends you had this master plan along.

Shawn Andrews Signs With Giants, Ready to Hit IR and Collect Paychecks

You back injury fakin', sloppy, lazy, wack rappin, Michael Phelps'in cornball loser.  If you ever get depressed in New York, never ever forget that an entire city hates your guts.

OchoCinco Plans Elaborate Eagles Prank, Ends up at Waffle House

What do bored, attention-seeking millionaire athletes do when another team comes to town to play a meaningless game?

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Percy Harvin's New Training Camp Nickname?

Chris: glaring typo in that espn story btw
Chris: unless of course Percy Harvin's nickname around camp is now Migraine
Maurice: I say we post this before it becomes unfunnied by his death

UPDATE: Story was picked up by Deadspin...they gave credit to "six tipsters".

Aww snap best believe one of those was us.

Website Review: Roger Goodell Edition

Yes, that's a pic of John Madden asking for one of everything on the menu. I'm sure you're not surprised.

I love Goodell's face in this pic.  You can practically read his thoughts through his expression. "Maybe if I just hit this mammoth idiot with a blunt object I can shut him off.  But then how will I kill myself?  God, what the fuck am I doing at a TAKE OUT Chili's in bumblefuck Pennsylvania with John Madden??  I'M AN IMPORTANT MAN!"

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Evan Turner Goes for Funk Dunk Pose, Others Look Silly

This pic was part of the NBA's annual Rookie Photo Shoot – it’s the only one featuring Evan Turner that the NBA posted in their website slideshow. I would’ve liked to have seen some more of E.T. but the slideshow spreads around the love pretty evenly to all the rookies.

I’d give that pose a solid 7, I suppose. It’s nothing too spectacularly cool (like the style of photo shot for John Wall), but at least Turner didn’t embarrass himself.

Speaking of embarrass, quite a few rooks did an excellent job of doing just that...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Bloody Eli Manning = BLINGEE TIME

bloody eli

He leakin'! Somebody call da amberlamps!

It has been far too long since our last Blingee. To celebrate our Elisha's 3-inch, 12-stitch head laceration, we're back on the infamous pre-teen website to create some delightfully and unnecessarily blinged-out artwork. Enjoy!

Monday, August 16, 2010

What Ever Happened to Predictability?

The milkman, the paperboy, evening TV...

Yes, those are the opening lyrics to the Full House theme song. No, I'm not a creepy stay-at-home pedophile. It's common knowledge that Full House is awesome, so if you have a problem with that you can just git out. Anyway, I figured it was appropriate as the Phillies get set to face the Giants in a key three game set starting tomorrow night at CBP. I mean, it's quite obvious the only cool things that were ever associated with San Francisco are Joe Montana and Full House. And maybe Rice-A-Roni.

It's as Simple as That

Marty has come a long way since his notoriously terrible head coaching days with the Lions.

StewBrad on a Vespa in a Mickey Mouse Shirt? StewBrad on a Vespa in a Mickey Mouse Shirt.

Chris:  found a good pic of stewbrad giving the thumbs up while sitting on a Vespa wearing a mickey mouse playing soccer sweatshirt
Chris:  i dunno what we can use that for, but i saved it to keep it handy.
Maurice:  we could just post it real big for no good reason.

Hope you enjoyed your look behind the curtain over here at TheWizWit.  h/t and more specifically, Hughe Dillon

What if Ricky Williams was the Phillies Centerfielder?

After stumbling upon that tweet, I immediately went into fact-checking mode to see if Ricky really was serious or just an dirty-haired liar. To my surprise, it's 100% true. The Phils drafted Ricky in the 8th round of the 1995 amateur draft. So seriously - how the hell did I not know this? I really hope I didn’t have a complete mental lapse and this is common knowledge for everyone else out there. It’s beyond me how this has seemingly gone un-discussed throughout the years among Philly sports fans. Now, don't get me wrong, he wasn't a good baseball player and this “news” is a decade old. But it was still kinda interesting to sit here and think about for a minute.

So instead of Shane Victorino, we could have Ricky Williams out in center. Personally, I would’ve pegged Ricky for a power-hitting first baseman but apparently he can't hit as evidenced by his .211 batting average. His stats do show he was a pretty good base stealer though. That’s backed up by Jimmy Rollins in this quote I found. Rollins and Williams spent a short period of time on the same minor league club.
"Fastest guy I've ever laid eyes on," Jimmy Rollins said during a September trip to South Florida. "Fastest guy out of the chute. My God. Really? People are really that fast?" - Jimmy Rollins on Ricky Williams []
So there you have it. Maybe this is why Donovan got boo'd on draft day. Those fans must've really wanted to get Ricky back to Philly. In any event, would it be an even-money bet that Ricky tried fashioning a bong out of a baseball at some point in his life?