Jonathan Broxton's New, Updated Wikipedia Page

Sounds about right to me.  If Wikipedia says so, it is fact.

(*click the pic to enlarge)

[many thanks to TheWizWit friend Eric for sending this one in]

Was This "The" Game?

Every season there seems to be a game when you know things are turning around. In 2007 it was this game. In 2008, it was this one. And last year it was this. It happens every year, the one game comes along when suddenly it all clicks and the Phils take off. In '07 and '08 that came off of huge wins against the hated Mets. Last year, it was a huge blowout of the Reds right before the All-Star break. This year? Well...hopefully it's tonight's incredible comeback against the Dodgers.

It's an understatement to say that this season hasn't gone as planned so far. After all the injuries and bad play and Joe Blanton, it would be easy to write this team off (which I've almost done twice so far). But, games like this keep us believing there is a chance. Games like this keep us thinking "maybe this crazy ride doesn't have to end this year."

For one second, let's take a look at Broxton's epic collapse in 9th inning:

P Polanco hit by pitch.

M Sweeney walked, P Polanco to second.

J Werth walked, P Polanco to third, M Sweeney to second.

B Francisco grounded into fielder's choice to left, P Polanco and M Sweeney scored on error by third baseman C Blake, J Werth to second.

C Ruiz doubled to deep left center, J Werth and B Francisco scored.

Wow. Almost unbelievable, except that we've seen a lot of this over the past few years. Not only have our Phillies made a habit of coming back just when you thought they were dead, but they've absolutely owned Broxton for over two years now. They make the guy look like Adam Eaton, only less gay and more fat. Hell, he didn't even record an out tonight against a Phillies lineup missing THREE All-Stars (and a Ross Gload Face). Suffice it to say, Philadelphia is his daddy.

So, let's hope this is the game. Let's hope our Phils take off from here (hell, they've pretty much already taken off, they're 16-4 in their last 20 games), catch the Braves and head into the playoff ready to dominate. Sounds about right to me.

Go Phils.

Air Force 1's Don't Have Anything on Mike Schmidt

Nike recently released a new line of shoes for baseball legends called the "Nike Trainer 1.2 Mid". Former Phillie Mike Schmidt was one of five players chosen to be part of Nike's 'Legends Pack' of the special edition shoes. (Several other athletes are associated with the standard Trainer Mid, but we're just looking at the Legends Pack.)

As you probably guessed, the pic above is Schmidt's. The color scheme of each shoe is comprised of that players’ uniform colors. In addition, each legend has their own unique and personalized logo on the shoe as well, so that’s kinda cool. Schmidt's was created with his jersey number '20' while using the Phils' 1980 logo as inspiration.

The other legends with new shoes in the line are Ken Griffey Jr, Nolan Ryan, Bo Jackson, and future HoF’er Albert Pujols. You can check each one out HERE.  Personally, I think Schmidt’s and Ryan’s are a lot cooler than the other three, but then again, what do I know. Certainly nothing about spending $125 on sneakers.

[h/t outofbounds.nbcsports]

What Can the Eagles Trade To Get Rex Ryan?

Goddamn Rex Ryan is entertaining. To anyone who has ever read Drew Magary's comedic interpretation of Rex Ryan, last night's Hard Knocks with the Jets on HBO was a complete mindfuck. The line between art and life was so blurry that the whole hour just turned into hilarious and inspirational foul-mouthed soundbytes from Buddy's son. Hell, at one point Bart Scott even called Mark Sanchez "Nacho," which is Magary's Rex Ryan's nickname for his hispanic QB.

Whether it was Rex's speech on "leading the league in fucking wins" (see below) or telling his team that they'll have a better "fucking" vacation than him because he'll "be cruising around the Baltic with the in-laws and shit," the whole thing was dripped up and draped out in awesome.

So...Maclin and a 4th? I'D DO THAT DEAL RIGHT NOW.

Brandon Graham Wears Business (Really)Casual

Playbook? Check.

Blue Gatorade? Check.

Shirt? ...Shit.

Photo courtesy of @TrevorLaws

The Transformation of Trevor Laws

By all accounts, Eagles DT Trevor Laws has looked impressive this camp. I mean, look at all the lazy and analogous reporting positive stories on his progression! Dominating the line of scrimmage. Getting pressure on the QB's. Stuffing the run. This is great news, people!

But what was the catalyst for such a drastic advancement in T-Laws' play? Offseason fitness programs? Confidence from experience at the professional level? Pressure from the coaching staff? Nope!

MUSTACHE.

Shall We Continue?

The infamous BlueStarShockTrooper went and responded to our little blog post! How bout that - who would've guessed this Husky McTittyballs would've had the time in between Hot Pockets and Cool Ranch Doritos to fire off another video?

Typically, I'm not one for back and forth banter, but since we're gentlemen, I suppose we do owe him the courtesy of a response. So Mr. ShockTrooper - switch to your favorite pair of stunner knockoff Oakley's, release the fistful of Chunky wrappers from the grasp of your sausage link fingers, and let’s get this over with.

When we last left this zilch, he was wandering aimlessly through the streets of his neighborhood yelling into a Handicam about how bad the Philadelphia Eagles will be. Lo, he was not hit by traffic. However, the good news is that he seems to have gotten larger since the last time we saw him (is there a baby BlueStarShockTrooper on the way??).

While he appears to be of an indeterminate age, I'm going to go out on a limb and say he grew up in the 90's. I've come to learn that Cowboys fans of that generation harp on decades of "storied history" or immediately blurt, "how many Super Bowls have you guys won?" as their go-to basis of an argument. I'm going to take a wild guess that some of his other favorites include the Bulls, Yankees, Red Wings, Miami Hurricanes, 90's Tiger Woods, Pete Sampras, and The Harlem Globetrotters. I know it may be hard to accept change for someone whose computer looks like something Doogie Howser typed his diary into (see: background of video), but the front-running thing is tired and old. You really could do much better by trying to justify the team that's actually playing on the field in present day. Keep the Delorean in the garage, Chins.

At least in this video he took the time to learn that the ‘l’ in Kolb is silent. So I give him his due props there. But I have to stop him when he claims that his points are backed up ‘facts’. Jon Kitna is better than Kolb because he’s older and can function under pressure? Are ya sure about that? You do know that Jon Kitna threw 42 interceptions in his last 2 full seasons as a starter in the NFL, right?

And let’s dispel the whole “Kitna has a higher QB rating than Kolb” thing. Let’s put aside the fact that you even bringing this up is retarded since there’s such a small sample size to work with. Kevin Kolb has only started two games in his career. His ratings in those games were 73.2 and 120.6 respectively. Kitna’s ratings after his first two career starts were 72.2 and 91.6. So by your logic, Kolb will actually be superior.

In summation, Emmitt Smith cannot read beyond a 3rd grade level, Michael Irvin stabs people in the neck with scissors, and it took the Cowboys over a decade to get a playoff win.  But hey, at least your breasts look nice and busty in that  jersey!

Like all Cowboys fans, I’m sure you want the last word as much as you want the last french fry. You’ll probably fire up the old webcam and bash Philly some more, and have at it. Everybody needs a hobby.

Oh, and don’t forget - your coach is still Wade Phillips. So you’re fucked.

ALSO, this whole ordeal has opened us up to the phenomenon of Trash Talk Circle(s), which apparently are (popular?) communities of people on various sports sites and YouTube who just yell at one another about the greatness of their favorite team while disparaging everyone else.  One user, RipperEagle96, sent us a an example video (which we will not post but I'm sure you can easily find) a couple of days back.  This whole Trash Talk Circle thing is scary, sad, and new to me, and thus will require more research and hatorade on the part of TheWizWit.  We'll let you know what we find. Stay tuned.

Phillies Series Preview: When Padilla Comes to Town

After taking two of three from Mets this weekend, the Phillies welcome the familiar Los Angeles Dodgers to CBP this week. As we all know, our Phils have eliminated these same Dodgers in both of the past two postseasons to the point where one could say we kinda own them, especially in Philly. With the Phillies playing well and the Dodgers struggling recently on the road, the Phillies have a good shot of continuing their winning ways.

However, that isn't the only reason to get excited for this series. Reason #1 is simple, Vicente Padilla. You know, that ugly, overweight, asshole pitcher that throws at people just for shits and giggles and kinda looks like a Goomba?

Yep, that guy.