Friday, October 22, 2010

Dolla Dolla Bills Yall: Week 7 NFL Spread Picks

The Shark has showed you the Seabreacher used in all of his underwater escapades.  Now I just need to get one of these for the cruises above land.  How badass would it be to see those wheels on the highway?  Or driving over some medium-sized hilly plains?  Or racing against Danny Zuko for pinks?  The possibilities are endless.  I shall purchase one and call him "Marv".  And Marv and I will go to Burning Man and get laid like it's the goddamn apocalypse.

Last week we went 7-5-2 against the spread, bringing us to 51-34-5 on the year.  Do you realize if you bet $100 on every game with the Shark, you'd be up $1650?  Cause you would be.  Not bad for 6 weeks worth of work.  I know your mother can pick up that scratch over the course of a weekend, but at least we don't have creepy men in smelly t-shirts with Scotchy breath groping us all night.

Alright, time for the Main Event.  Let's get it.

Oh, by the way, Game 6 is Saturday

Yea, he did that. Pulled his groin. Didn't matter, cause...well...this series isn't over yet. History will tell you about moments when players just give it all they got (Jordan with the flu, Kirk Gibson game, etc.) but rarely do you get to live through that moment as a fan. We just did.

Roy Halladay pulled his groin on Thursday night. He couldn't throw his fastball past 89 mph. He had a good curve, a decent cutter and that's it. But guess what, he won. The Phillies won. And, well, last time I checked...our boys are coming back home.

In case you didn't know, Game 6 is Saturday night. Roy 2.0 on the mound. Sounds like a can't miss to me.

Go Phils.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Wanna Buy Photos of a Concussed DeSean Jackson for Stupid High Prices?

Both of the above screen grabs are available through's Photo Store where the "Best Sellers" go for the bargain rate of $54.95. The NFL recently cracked down on vicious hits and has understandably caught flak for selling photos the penalized James Harrison and Brandon Meriweather hits. The NFL admitted their fault, took responsibility, and vowed "no photos of illegal plays [will be] available again".

Too bad there was no official word on selling photos depicting the aftermath of one player annihilating another. As of this morning, the two photos above were still available to be purchased and framed for your enjoyment. I'm not sure who the hell would be buying up all the photos of injured players, but if you're reaching for your credit card right now, you're probably an asshole. Or a serial killer. You know the type: the ones with a whole room filled with strewn about photographs and newspaper clippings randomly connected by hardware store yarn.

So yeah, try and not be THAT guy.

There is no PEPE SILVIA!

Nobody Says That Now Nudda Like Iggy Says That Now Nudda

That Andre Iguodala is quite the wisenheimer. Sadly, the audio quality is pretty crappy, so we're not exactly sure how Evan Turner gets set up with a baby powder face-slap. You might recall Deion Sanders recently did the same to Steve Mariucci on the set of NFL Network’s Total Access.

Clearly, both of these guys are big fans of the cinematic genius that is the film How High. That fact alone is more than enough reason for me to post this video for you.  You should seriously be ashamed of yourself if you haven't seen that movie.  Luckily for any of you who are lost, we've included a clip below.  You're welcome.

I mean come on, there's a character played by Lisa Turtle is in this movie, so you know it's good.

[h/t The Basketball Jones]

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Let's Go Joe

In the biggest game of the season so far, the Phillies are going to start Joe Blanton. Take a second and read that sentence again. Yep, Heavy B is going to take the mound tomorrow, whether we like it or not.

Faced with a 2-1 hole, Charlie will stick with his original plan instead of moving Halladay up a day to start on short rest. It's obvious that Charlie just feels more comfortable with his guys going on normal rest, and you can't really fault him for that. Although he may change his mind in the morning, it appears the earliest we'll be seeing Doc is Thursday night.

I honestly have to admit I'm a little surprised. A lot was made last year of the Phillies not wanting to pitch Cliff Lee on short rest (which the Rangers refused to do this year as well). When the Phillies basically "swapped" Lee for Halladay in the offseason many people looked at Halladay's ability to pitch on short rest as one reason the upgrade made sense. In six career starts on short rest, Halladay has gone 4-2 with a 2.79 ERA. While that's a small sample size, it certainly looks like Halladay can handle it. Plus, you have to think Halladay would be pumped up by the idea, since he's so close to the World Series title he craves so badly. It doesn't appear he'll get that chance.

However, Halladay's ability to pitch on short rest isn't really the thing I'm concentrating on the most. It's the fact that Joe Blanton hasn't pitched in a meaningful game since October 3rd. That was a one inning appearance against the Braves on the last day of the season. His last start was even longer ago, back on September 29th. That's a long layoff, especially for someone now tasked with saving the Phillies season (although the bats could score some runs and help that out too). Heavy B is certainly going to have to be at his best.

Ultimately this decision will be judged by what happens in the game tomorrow. If the Phillies win, suddenly they have taken back home field and have Halladay ready for Game 5. If they lose, they are going to need H20 to win three straight games (which, while incredibly difficult, is something those three could certainly pull off). Charlie Manuel has pretty much pulled all the right strings the past few years, I just hope this move pays off as well. If not...well let's just not think about that right now.

Go Phils.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Eagles 31, Falcons 17: The Desktop Wallpaper Bowl

Oh who doesn't love the friendly office wager.

A fellow employee -- who for the sake of privacy we'll call "Edward McFalconsfan" -- and I were engaged in a work week of casual shit-talking since last Monday. The final resolution? Whoever is the fan of the losing team must change their desktop wallpaper to a background of the winner's choosing and leave it there for a week.

Edward McFalconsfan, enjoy your week. I came into work early on a Monday just to MS Paint this for you.

So what did we learn? Wetz was Wrong, Chad Hall is the Beneficiary of Racism, Dunta Robinson is a Fucking Asshole, Give McDermott His Credit, Kevin Kolb Trade Value Meter, Won in the Trenches, Wide Left, and Vick is Still the Starter.

Roy Oswalt Doesn't Need Your Stinkin' Stop Sign

Roy Oswalt was phenomenal last night in the Phillies 6-1 victory in Game 2 of the NLCS. You couldn't have asked Oswalt to do more. He was dominant on the mound and even chipped in at the plate and on the base paths. Oswalt running through Sam Perlozzo’s stop sign is going to be a classic moment of the 2010 run.

Shame on any of you who freaked out after the Phillies dropped Game 1. While we may have been a little spoiled by this teams’ performance over the last few weeks, it's incredibly difficult to go 11-0 during a postseason run. Now, our Phils are heading west to San Francisco for Game 3 with momentum on their side. Relax and hang on for the ride. If you're like me, you'll still be at work and staring at your cubicle walls when the game begins. Luckily, I know of several internet feeds that may or may not be legal.

Go Phils!

It Shoulda Been You, Kid

The only thing as disturbing as seeing DeSean Jackson’s motionless body on the turf was having TV cameras catch a glimpse of this fan in the crowd. Worst DeSean Jackson jersey ever? Worst DeSean Jackson jersey ever. What a terribly embarrassing idea. From head to toe, this is just wrong. I’m ashamed for you. If only this kid could've stood in for DeSean as he was getting Dunta’d.

After the jump - For the 45th time this weekend, you can see video of DJax getting annihilated and being scraped off the field.

Tony Dungy Still Looks like a Bald Count Chocula

Whenever I see this man, I'm intensely compelled to hiss "Vaaaa, VAAAAA!" at my TV screen.

WHY ARE HIS EARS LIKE THAT!? He looks like Nosferatu in blacklightbrownface.