Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year, Cliff Lee

World Series Champs 2011?

Go Phils.

Happy New Year, Michael Vick

How 'bout we win a Super Bowl, ok?

Go Birds.

Happy New Year, Andre Iguodala

Denver seems like a nice city, right?

Go Sixers.

Happy New Year, Sergei Bobrovsky

It's time a goalie got us a Cup, right? Bob?

Go Flyers.

Friday, December 31, 2010

How Much Will You Drink Tonight?

Answer: Not as much as those in Milwaukee, Fargo, or Sioux City, Iowa according to The Daily Beast.

New Year’s Eve is upon us and we all know what that means – Amateur Night. I personally don’t get too wrapped up in the NYE scene. Paying stupid high prices and being crammed into a bar on night where more douchebags than normal are out, isn’t really my idea of fun. I’d much rather go to a house party, have a few drinks, and distance myself from all those who piss me off.

Regardless of where you go, who you hang out with, or how many bad decisions you make tonight, have yourself a good time. Considering Philadelphia was good enough to rank on the “Drunkest Cities in America” list, I’m sure you won’t have too much of a problem. But we only rank #20. Mucho disappointing. Check out a gallery of the complete Top 40 here.

What are you waiting for? Get out there and show the rest of the country what you’re made of, damnit! Debauchery is completely acceptable on this night, so do your worst Philadelphia. Show some pride and let’s get ourselves in the top 10 for 2011.

Happy New Year’s sports fans!  Have fun and be safe, Philly.

Dolla Dolla Bills Yall: Week 17 NFL Spread Picks

Well we've made it to the final week of the regular season.  The Shark won more than he lost, so we're all winners.  Now let's just hope there isn't a lockout next year.  That would make the Shark angry.  You wouldn't like him when he's angry. 

In reality, there'll probably be a couple more weeks of games next year once the NFL gets their way and forces an 18 game schedule.  You just know Vegas is working up a nice stiffy at the thought of taking even more of the public's money.  But don't you worry, your friendly neighborhood Shark will be back to guide you through it.

Without further ado, we go to the shark tank one more time in 2010.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Evan Turner: Actual NBA Player?

For the first time in about a month and half, Evan Turner looked more like an NBA player and less like a confused extraterrestrial wandering the court. It's about damn time.

Turner scored a career high 23 points on 9 for 12 shooting in the Sixers 123-110 victory over the Suns last night. Sure, the Suns are about as interested in playing defense as BlueStarShockTrooper is in personal hygiene, but this deserves a moment of mild celebration. Let's hope this is the start of something positive for Turner to build on going into the new year. As our own Eric pointed out a couple days ago, aggressiveness and confidence are two of the biggest holes in ET's game right now. Last night, our favorite muppet put both on display.

Lay your peepers on some interesting stats below. Derek Bodner gets all the credit for these. He had them on his Twitter last night. They also appear in his post on Liberty Ballers, which you should check out.

  • Jodie Meeks is shooting 27.7% over the last 10 games. 
  • Evan Turner's stats when Iguodala plays: 4.9ppg on 36% shooting
  • Evan Turner's stats when Iguodala is Out: 13.1ppg on 48.5% shooting
  • Jrue's stats when Iguodala plays: 13ppg, 5.8 assists, 41.6 FG %
  • Jrue's stats when Iguodala is Out: 17.4ppg, 8.4 assists, 49.2 FG %
So a gentleman's golf clap to you, Evan Turner. This was your night. Now let’s just hope the Sixers figure out a way to extract AI9 from this team.

[Photo by Barry Gossage/NBAE via Getty Images]

The Regular Season is Dead to Me

Okay, so the Birds lost to the Joe Webb Vikings. Whatever. The Eagles are the #3 seed in the NFC regardless of what happens in week 17 and it's looking like they'll face the Green Bay Packers on January 9 in Philly for the first round of the playoffs. Not as ideal as a first round bye, but playoffs is playoffs and the cream always rises to the top.  Unless you're the 14-point dog Vikings playing an away game in Philly with zero playoff chances quarterbacked by a run-first rookie.  Dammit, I told myself I'd let it go....

So the Packers it is (probably).  As our friends over at Bleeding Green Nation pointed out yesterday, there are some silver linings here.  While our favorite hog slaughterer will sling passes to Riley Cooper and Chad Hall in a meaningless JV game against the Cowboys on Sunday, the starters' minds will be on the Packers.  The same Green Bay team that survived the first unleashing of the Michael Vick Experience in week 1. No easy task.

You know most of the talk will be about Aaron Rodgers and his poise and his arm and his concussions, but at some point it becomes pointless. The Eagles have a wack-ass defense. They're 22nd in points allowed and give up more red zone scores than a horny chick on her period.  The Packers are going to score. A lot. The key to this game will be how many cheap turnovers the Birds D can generate, and, more importantly, if the offense can actually play consistently good football.

No 4th quarter comebacks. No bullshit. I'm talking 4 straight quarters of DeSean Jackson out patterns, Jeremy Maclin crossing patterns, Shady McCoy screens, and Mike Vick fuck-this-play scrambles for 30 yards.  If they can do that, they'll win.

Fuck the Cowboys.

Drunk and High Midnight Mass FondleFest 2010!

Seriously, this chick looks like she got raped by The Joker. According to police, her and Chinpubes Tarantino here "crashed a Midnight Mass in Drexel Hill on Christmas Eve...stumbled down the aisle, fondled each other in a pew and flushed drugs down the church toilet." Okay sounds like the kids had some fun...why so serious??

Oh, probably because they had 43 random pills, plastic vials, and a shitload of heroin on them when the cops came. I'm guessing these two will be a little more low-key next time they attempt to rob a church on Christmas. Didn't white people see First Sunday? Even airbrushed Ice Cube knows it's a bad idea to get fucked up before an attempted church robbery. For shame, Alexander Pirone and Catherine McGrath of Upper Darby. For shame.


God Prefers You To Die in Action Movie-like Scenerio

Check out this diagram of how the world has changed over the past decade. All the predictable shit is there: we use more technology, Earth's temperature is rising, the Chinese are using up all the world's energy, etc. But the shocking part is the huge difference in the number of natural disasters and the amount of deaths stemming from them we've had in the aughts. Five thousand more earthquakes? What the fuck??

It's just crazy to think that over 15x more people are dying because of natural disasters. I mean, 146,000 people died from that cyclone in Burma? That's 53x worse than 9/11! Do you think the people there have bumper stickers that say "We Will Never Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Forget"? I would. Then I'd move the fuck out of Burma.

h/t to io9

A Venn Diagram of Fired NFL Coaches

The folks over at Tauntr have put together this little piece to commemorate the fourth in-season head coach firing of the year. Can't wait to see what it looks like after you add in Marvin Lewis, John Fox, Gary Kubiak, and Jeff Fisher. Wait, did I just use the word commemorate? I only hear that word on infomercials for irrationally-priced US coins or white guilt Obama plates.

Pfft, commemorate.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The One Where They Say Mike Vick Should've Been Executed

While filling in for Sean Hannity last night, Tucker Carlson decided it was a good idea to express his feelings that Michael Vick should've been EXECUTED for killing dogs. He does so in a tone of complete sincerity. I might've been worried if he didn't precede that statement with "I'm a Christian and I believe fervently in second chances..."

The whole thing was brought up during a discussion of Obama's phone call to Jeffrey Lurie to thank him for giving Michael Vick a second chance. They also left out the fact that the real reason for the phone call was to discuss the Eagles plans to power Lincoln Financial Field with alternative energy and give praise for being the first major professional sports team to put the plan in motion.

Video clip of Carlson sounding stupid after the jump.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Rejoice! The 76ers Update You've Been Waiting For!!

By TWW friend Eric

12-19. Could be worse. If it was worse, would that be better? Some people like cucumbers better pickled. Huh? Wait, what?

Anywho, hit the jump for insight, nicknames, and random thoughts on where the Sixers stand as we come to the end of 2010.