Thursday, April 14, 2011

Boom? Boom.

Just like they drew it up. Back to back lockdowns of the Nationals bats to win another series. Straight domination by Cliff Lee and a Chooch-Bomb in the 6th was all the Phils needed to head back home with a .750 winning percentage. Now the focus shifts to a certain bashing of the Marlins.

Losing two consecutive games isn’t even possible, right?

Oh Internet, You Think You Know Us Or Something?

Who needs to come up with their own clever tweets when the website 'That Can Be My Next Tweet' will do all the heavy lifting for you. The tweet you see above was the result I got when I put TheWizWit's twitter handle in. The site just scans every tweet you've ever posted and tries to make a coherent sentence out of random words and phrases you've used in the past. A lot of the time it makes absolutely no sense. But I was bored and kept hitting 'get your next tweet' about 180 times. Hit the jump to see some of the better randomness this site spit out for TheWizWit.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Edge vs Mubarak! Career Ending Match!

Former Egyptian President Hosni "The Mad Dictator" Mubarak suffered a heart attack Tuesday and has been admitted to the hospital. CNN is reporting that he was being questioned over corruption charges at the time.

This news comes less than 24 hours after WWE Heavyweight Champion Adam "Edge" Copeland announced his retirement from the ring due to neck-related injuries.

TWW Reporters are calling these stories into question.

Sources have reported that WWE competitor Edge was part of a covert government plan to settle international disputes through a gladiator-type form of political debate, not unlike the government's strategy used to end the Cold War with its secret agent: Rocky Balboa.

One of these men will change before the match is over.

Edge was chosen as the US representative to battle Mubarak in an electric cage match, where the winning side would officially take ownership of vital oil reserves in the middle east.

Unofficial results report that the match finished as a double-DQ when the Dudley Boyz came down to settle a score with both participants about the taxation of crude oil pipelines across international boundaries.

The Dudley Boys are secretly Canadien NAFTA agents.

So, did we miss out on the most awesome international battle of all time? Or is Vince McMahon waiting until Chanukah comes around to release the whole thing on a 3-DVD box set?

If gas prices go up again, we're looking at you, Edge.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


Yea, so J-Werth got booed tonight. No big surprise there I guess. He also went 2 for 3 with a ding dong off Heavy B (who is certainly off to quite the start this year, I must add). Either way, the video above is a much better way to remember him than his play tonight. Tonight was like the first time you see your ex after she cheats on you. You're really pissed off at first but then you decide to watch that video you have of her from that time you did her doggie in her parents bedroom. Then you post it on the internets.

F'in Jayson Werth.

Steve Buscemi Eyes = Hilarity

Not sure if you've seen this site yet, but it's absolutely brilliant. Just once I hope to achieve this level of creativity with an idea. For now, I'll continue to simply blog other people's creativity. Seems to be working for now.

Some other gems:

Was it WERTH it?

We've all been there Jayson, hard up for some attention, and desperate for love. But, in your case the fat girl beej came in the form of a $126 million contract with the Nationals.

Jayson Werth will have his chance to prove he's not still embarrassed about his situation when the Phillies head to Washington Tuesday night.

In the first game Werth will face his former chubby chasing-wing man Joe Blanton.

Halladay and Lee come Wednesday and Thursday, but probably not in the mouth of a great big fat person.

Dwight Howard Makes Jrue Holiday Famous

If you missed Monday night's Sixers game against the Orlando Magic, you still probably saw the above dunk. (It was visible from the International Space Station)

During one of the Sixers last games of the regular season Dwight Howard made a poster out of Jrue Holiday. (After the game, Howard looked at the Sixers roster and pointed out most of the team are in his posters).

The dunk was SportsCenters Top Ten Plays (not just number 1, it was the entire top ten).

In case you're not sick of it yet, here's a terrible YouTube video of the dunk.

Someone thought the soundtrack from Goldeneye 64 would be better audio than the TV call of the play.

Baron Samedi gave it a thumbs up.

Baron Samedi is no longer facebook friends with Dimitri Mishkin.

After the game, Dwight Howard joked about the play saying: "Let's all have a moment of silence for Jrue."

Howard also broke down the PTSD that young Holiday will be suffering from, sleepless night after sleepless night:

"If you're in the wrong place at the wrong time, bad things happen."

The Sixers try to put this embarrassment behind them when they begin their first round playoff matchup against the Miami Heat this weekend.