Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Thank God We're Not Cleveland

As a Philadelphia fan since birth, I know sports heartache. For 24 years, I either watched my teams get close only to rip my heart out with some tremendously terrible way to lose or watched them suck so bad that it left you wondering how the hell a team could suck so bad. When it comes to sports misery, I've had more than my fair share. But nothing, absolutely nothing, that we've gone through as Philadelphia fans compares to what those poor Cleveland sports fans have been (and are being) put through. As a fan of another "cursed" sports city, I just can't help but feel bad for them.

Last night America (well maybe not all of America, but some of America) watched LeBron James stink. It was depressing to watch. The Cavalier fans seemed shocked by what was going on, watching their 61-win team get absolutely dominated by an old Celtics squad. I mean, when Shaquille O'Neal's fat corpse is your leading scorer in a playoff game, well, things probably aren't going so great. Before you could even start to comprehend what had just happened, the Cavs had been handed a humiliating, 120-88 defeat at home. And as soon as the game ended, the wolves were ready to pounce. "The LeBacle." "He's just doesn't have that killer instinct like MJ did." "He's halfway to New York already." The criticism came fast and it came furious.

[Long side bar: Am I the only one that thinks people are somewhat overreacting to the way LeBron James played last night? I mean, as Bill Simmons pointed out today, Kobe has had tons of games where he mailed it in and no one seemed to care all that much. This is LeBron's first such game. I understand that is wasn't that LeBron just had a bad game, it was that he didn't even seem to care. His body language sucked, he never tried to take over like he normally does and his comments after the game just seemed misguided. But it is only one game. Can we at least give him until Game 6 before we begin to judge the guy's legacy? Can we wait to see if the Cavs lose the series before we already pack his bags for New York? For all anyone knows, LeBron could drop 35-8-8 on Thursday and send the series back to Cleveland for a game 7. I hold my judgement on him until then.]

But through all of the LeBron talk I found myself thinking about the poor, sad, sullen Cleveland fans. This is a town (it's definitely a town, not a city, just go there once and you'll understand) that hasn't had a team win a title since the Browns in 1964. That's a long ass time ago. They've had their football team relocated, Jose Mesa blow a World Series and Michael Jordan continually rape their mothers. On a scale of 1 to misery, Cleveland fans are at a 60. It's just not fair.

This year was supposed to be different though. The Cavaliers were their vindication. They were the best team in the NBA all year and have the best player in the world. After last year's dissapointment, this was supposed to be LeBron's coronation. But after watching last night's game, it sure doesn't feel like that is going to happen. Cleveland, sadly, is going to lose again. And this time it might lose more than just a game, it might lost the best player the NBA has seen since MJ. It doesn't take a genius to know that would be a crushing blow that the fans of Cleveland probably wouldn't survive. The proverbial straw that broke the camels back, one might say.

Anyway, it doesn't look good for Cleveland. Losing LeBron is a very real possibility if the Cavs lose, the Browns have Eric Mangini as a head coach and the Indians.....suck. It's hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel for them. It's really just sad, no other way to put it.

So regardless of the Flyers result tonight, sleep sound Philly fans. Cause no matter what happens, at least we're not Cleveland.


  1. God I hope LeBron comes to New York...

    anyway, check out these Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Videos. What a sad, sad, town...

  2. I remember those going around my office last year, pure hilarity. The best part by far is "Our economy is based on LeBron James" and "Who the fuck still uses a pay phone?"

    Comedic genius.

  3. love it. BTW, i think i have a name for my fantasy basketball team next year:

    "Shaquille O'Neal's Fat Corpse"