Saturday, October 2, 2010

Pardon the Intelluption

So I have this friend who smoked pot some time ago and wondered what English sounded like if imitated by those who don't speak English. You know, because we Americans sometimes like to poke fun of other languages or full-on force our children to perform racist Chinese impersonations.

Long story short, after recalling the thought for the first time in years, he journeyed down the Google rabbit hole and uncovered some strange things along the way.  Like several videos of Chinese middle schoolers reciting copy from an episode of Pardon the Interruption. Turns out their English teacher is an awesome dude with great ideas.

Clip after the jump.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Eagles, Redskins Game To Take Place on Basketball Court

Don't get too excited, it's the wives of Eagles and Redskins players who will be taking to the court. We all know how painful women's basketball is, and how even more painful it is to watch random girls try and play sports. I can appreciate bounce passes as much as the next white guy, but watching women's basketball is a sleep-inducing experience. Sexism!
Former Eagle Irving Fryar is also the head coach. I've met him a couple times when I was younger and he seems like he’s kind of a dick. Just throwing that out there. Moving right along, some notable Eagle wives taking part are:

Stacy Avant - A little slow but great hands.
Maggie Jean-Giles - She sounds... large. We need a big body in the paint who can dunk.
Lorretta Runyan - Big Jon's wife is black? (She isn't. But seriously how many white ladies do you know with the name Loretta?)
Whitney Kolb - Much like the untalented 4th year players on Senior's night, she will most certainly be benched after the first 2 minutes of this game. Irving Fryar will then send in Mike Vick's woman as a 'spark'.
Kendra Baskett was supposed to play on this Dream Team, but since her husband Hank sucks and is no longer an Eagle, I doubt she'll be joining in on the fun.

In all seriousness, this is actually for a very good cause. Tickets are $25 and the game is taking place at the Rutgers Camden Gym. Proceeds will benefit the American Lung Association, Keisha and Levon Kirkland - Tackling Cancer Fund, and Susan G. Komen for the Cure. Cancer is a horrible and vicious disease that nearly everyone has been touched by in some way. If you can't go to the game and can spare some cash, please donate to this very worthy cause.

/dick joke

Dolla Dolla Bills Yall: Week 4 NFL Spread Picks

My cousin e-mailed me this picture of him catchin' some air at SealHunt 2010.  Trust me: dude is not to be flexed with.

Anyway, I hope you fools followed along last week.  The Shark managed another solid outing and continued to stuff money in your pockets.  In case you haven't noticed yet, underdogs are covering at quite a nice rate so far this season.  One thing I've always said is that, when in doubt, just take the points.

Let me hit you with some numbers.  Last week we went 10-6 against the spread, bringing our season total to 26-19-3.  If you don't know, they're pretty impressive for just your regular dude picking games.  Let's compare that record to a couple other places who offer weekly spread picks.  Bill Simmons has a renowned NFL spread picks column as well as fellow sports blog site, The Big Lead (which you should be checking out if you don't already).  Simmons is sitting at 25-20-3 on the year and TBL is trying to get above water at 21-23-3.  Once again I say, TheWizWit is the shit.

Sigh... You're so money and you don't even know it. Onto the picks!

Thursday, September 30, 2010

This Sunday Isn't All About Donovan

Is this real, or just a lucky sample size?

(Getty Images)

ESPN: Trite Stereotypes of Philly Fans Fun, Easy

By TWW friend Eric

The McNabb returning to Philly commentary has reached a breaking point. What I mean is that I want to break my television and the face of each idiot commenting on it. Am I bothered by those speaking on McNabb’s legacy and the upcoming game? Not at all.  It’s the idiots who are using retard-strength crystal balls to predict fan reaction to his introduction that really grinds my gears.

After the jump, I'll call out a few of these clowns by name and continue to spit hot fire on them.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

You Can't Hold Down Ole Two-Sacks McGee, Son!

This afternoon, our boy Trevor Laws was rightfully credited his second sack from Sunday's beating of the Jaguars.  Many congrats to Law's as these were sack numbers 1 and 2 in his career.  It's no secret we here at TheWizWit are big fans.  In fact, this blog operates with a weekly Trevor Laws quota. 

In all seriousness, Trevor Laws has been fantastic for the Birds this year and is seemingly putting everything together in his third NFL season.  He had great preseason showing vast improvements from 2009 which in turn, earned him more playing time.  He was one of the most active players on the field Sunday, and filled up the stat sheet.  He finished the day with 2 sacks, 6 tackles (2 for a loss), and knocked down two balls as he clogged the passing lanes.  Keep up the great play, Mr. Laws.  Well done. 

And to the Elias Sports Bureau - don't let another mistake like this happen again.  Yall know Trevor won't let this shit slide twice.  OBEY THE LAWS!

Did You know Philadelphia has a Pro Basketball Team?

I bet you didn’t. Or you forgot. Or you've been suppressing the memories of a terrible 2009 campaign deep into the recesses of your mind. But check it, this year’s team really can’t be any worse – or more importantly – any more frustrating to watch as the Eddie Jordan-led Sixers.

Yesterday Sixers training camp began and Kate Fagan wrote a great article on Using her words as inspiration, we've taken a few of the best parts from the article and added a little of TheWizWit commentary you've become accustomed to.  After the jump, we touch on a few players, a little philosophy, and cap it off with a very telling quote by world-renowned scholar and philanthropist Marreese Speights.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Eagles 28, Jaguars 3: Boom

Michael Vick is heartless, dog-drowning sociopath...if by "heartless, dog-drowning sociopath" you mean the GREATEST QUARTERBACK IN THE WORLD.

Holy shit just look at my dude bein' all menacing and awesome. McNabb? He's a Chunky soup-slurpin', interception-smirking punaniface. Kolb? He sucks. But Michael, oh're the one. You're the shit like 50 I'm-the-shit-like similes from Lil' Wayne.

Oh, what's that? You're one of those Eagles fans that could never let MV7 turn the page on his conviction? You're that guy who could never come to grips with the fact that your favorite football team is now being led by Ookie so you openly rooted  for his failure? Well I'm here to tell you it's okay -- but I know how you feel:

So what did we learn this week? Well, The Jaguars are Really Really Bad, MV7 for MVP, Save Him for Later, OBEY THE LAWS, DeSean's First Dougie, StewBrad to the Rescue, and Silence for the Dead.