Dolla Dolla Bills Yall: Week 2 NFL Spread Picks

Well we still don't have the new mascot picture ready.  You just can't rush beauty people.  Anyway, this is a picture the Seabreacher X.  A shark-like, completely submersive watervessle.  I shall purchase one of these some day.  Mark my words. 

Alright, so last week we went 7-7-2, not bad considering we're picking every damn game for you people.  We aim to improve on that record this week.  It does seem like a tough card, but you'll see a trend in the Shark's picks - he's likes a lot of the home teams.  Home teams won 12 out 16 games this past weekend and we're betting the trend continues. 

So strap in, and get ready to dive into these picks.  Papa needs a new Seabreacher!

Trent Cole is Gonna Love Jeff Backus

The man to the left is Jeff Backus.  He is the starting left tackle for the Detroit Lions.  He's also the man responsible shitting on the city of Detroit's only hope at a marginally successful season.  You see, Jeff Backus is the guy who is responsible for allowing Julius Peppers to murder Matt Stafford's shoulder last week.  You can check the hit out here.

More interesting than me telling you about this man, is his Wikipedia page.  After the jump, see a screen grab where some unforgiving Lions fans have helped cement the legacy that is Jeff "On-His-Backus". 

This Trade Rumor is Gold, Jerry! Gold!

By TWW friend Eric

The Phillies are pulling away in the NL east on their way to another World Series run. Football season has just begun and the Eagles are on everyone’s mind. What should I write about? Ridiculous 76ers trade rumors! Carmelo Anthony anyone?

So rumor has it that the 76ers may or may not be possibly entertaining the idea of perhaps putting together a hypothetical package which allegedly might maybe kinda include certain players leaving and others returning.

Anytime I hear “players leaving” in the same sentence as “76ers”...there is cause for excitement (Please be Willie Green Please be Willie Green Please be Willie Green Please be Willie Green).

Fear Itself is Afraid of Cole Hamels

Cole Hamels is awesome. It's become blatantly obvious now that all those idiots who were giving up on him last season...well...are idiots. (Please note that TheWizWit team called this one back in March. Yes, we're that smart.) After one sub-par year (see very end of this post) fans were ready to give the ole' heave-ho to the 2008 NLCS and World Series MVP. People called him soft, immature and made entirely too big a deal out of his comments during the World Series (if you didn't understand what he meant when he made those comments then you probably listen to WIP too much). But thankfully, Cole has gone out there in 2010 and made each and every person who tore into him last year look pretty dumb.

Like Andy Reid time management dumb.

Phillies vs Eagles: A Sexy Comparison

By the TWW friend 'Ivey'
Since there hasn't been anything said about the Phillies in a week, I decided to throw in my two cents. It seems as soon as football season starts, many people -- whether they be casual fans, front-runners, or the sports media -- seem to forget about baseball. Very strange because, if you haven’t noticed, the Phillies play their best ball in September!

So why do our allegiances shift so quickly? Well, try and wrap your brain around this half-assed analogy. It's like that girl you knew when you were younger. You know which one. The one that you liked and was like a best friend, but then got super hot over the summer and BAM...she’s out of your league. We’ve all had one (or seven) of those. So what do you do? Well, instead of putting in a bunch of quality time with previously-mentioned hottie, you decide to settle for her slightly less attractive, slightly chubbier cousin (those wonderful Philadelphia Eagles).

The good thing about her cousin? She's a dirty slut. Awesomely slutty, even. So although we have a great thing going in the friend zone with the hot one, we're still drawn towards the chubber because, hey, we know we'll get a good blowie out of it.

Let's go a little deeper.

What Has Two Thumbs, Two Chins, and a Kicker on His Back?

Answer: That guy.

Holy crap -- this is a complete and utter abomination. To preface, I don't have any tattoos but am not against them in any way. Having said that, I never understood going the route of professional sports tattoo. The guy with the Eagles helmet tattooed on his calf always seemed like kind of a d-bag to me. Regardless, if you want to show your allegiance with a sports tat, go for it. I'm not here to try and stop you from showing the world your support of your squad.

Except for this guy. This mural is just too much. Let's break this down: The Eagles logo looks like it was drawn by a 6th grader and shaded in pencil, you have other men's signatures all over your body, and most importantly - you have David Akers tattooed on your back. What’s worse - until proven otherwise, I'm going to have to assume that the guy kneeling in front of him is long-time professional field goal holder Koy Detmer.

KOY DETMER.  HOLDING A FOOTBALL.  TATTOOED ON YOUR BACK.  Come on bro, revamp that whole abortion and make into one big, badass eagle or something.  That, or buy a jersey.  Just sayin'.

UPDATE: Eagles Tat Man has his own website and somewhat of a cult following.  You can check out his site here.

[h/t to Unathletic]

Eagles 20, Packers 27: Pointing Fingers!

Oh snap!

So THAT shit didn't pan out how we wouldda guessed. If you had two season-ending injuries, two concussions, and a return of the Michael Vick Experience scramble party on your scorecard, then you are the winner! And psychic. WIIIIITCH!!!

And while I was hoping I wouldn't have to write a "Pointing Fingers" article this week, there are obviously some interesting things to talk about / blame for this loss including KevinKolbSucksHe'sTerrible, No Love for DeSean, Brent Celek Kidnapping, Winston Justice's Averageness, Ellis Hobbs, Marty Mornhinweg's employment, Andy Reid's genius, and Omar Gaither.

Andy Reid: "Concussion..(clears throat) Schmuncussion."

Good to see Andy got this memo... but someone should probably tell him that The Onion is usually pretty satirical.

Bash your head on the jump to see some questionable "concussion" videos.