At Least We're Not Cleveland...Part Deux

Wow. As you've probably seen by now, the Lakers beat the Cavaliers 112-57 last night...a 55-point bitch-slap of epic proportions. They were outscored by at least 15 points in each of the first three quarters and shot an almost unbelievable 29.9% from the floor. This game marked their 21st loss in their last 22 games. Yuck. (Consider this - since LeBron returned to Cleveland on December second, the Heat are 18-1. The Cavs? 1-19. Seriously.)

To make matters worse, LeBron has jumped on the bandwagon, sending out the tweet above last night during the massacre. If there was someone in Cleveland that didn't hate LeBron yet, they certainly aren't a fan anymore.

So, kids, as we continue to wallow in the sad misfortunes of our football team, remember one thing. At least we're not Cleveland.

Some Videos to Make You Smile

We're all pretty depressed today, but I figured I'd throw up some videos in an attempt to get some of you to smile.

Remember, the 2010 Eagles season was pretty good, for most of it anyway.

We Gone

And another spirit-crushing playoff loss is in the books. Let's spend today trying to repair the shattered pieces of our collective psyche, and remember that this season was intended to be a "rebuilding" year above all else. Let the Eagles revamp their porous defense and offensive line, and perhaps we'll have another shot in 2012. That's if, you know, the NFL/humanity is still around then.


平和と祝福,

TheWizWit

Tim Cowlishaw's Impeccable Description of Last Night's Game

Couldn't summarize Sunday's game any better. The JV Eagles aka the Chad Hall Show aka DeMarcus Ware's Prison Bitch lost by a point to the Stephen McGee-led Cowboys, 14-13. In other news: nobody gives a shit. The regular season is dead and the Birds need to figure out a way to keep Concussion Time from ruining their playoffs.

[Pulls inflated Butterscotch Krimpet Tastykake bag from microwave]

FUCK! HOT! TWENTY SECONDS WAS TOO LONG!!

Eagles 26, Bears 31: Cutler Lives!

The NFL is Fixed - So Asante Samuel inadvertently makes contact with another players' helmet during a shoulder tackle and gets fined $40,000 while Andre Johnson only gets $25,000 for RIPPING OFF A DUDES HELMET AND PUNCHING HIM TWICE IN THE HEAD? I understand the caps lock is a bit leading, but check it, even in lowercase it's crazy. he got into a fistfight during the game, ripped off the other guys helmet, and successfully beat him about the face and head. Twenty-five K and no suspension? Crazy.

Well, maybe not that crazy. The NFL has a nationally-televised only-game-in-town to sell on its network this Thursday. And they couldn't have the lowly Texans going into this game without their best player, could they? I mean, who knows how quickly the game could be over without him? They needed to keep this whole "rage-fueled fistfight" incident low-key and under-penalized because, hey, the Texans need all the help they can get to make a date with the Eagles in Philly an attractive national matchup. And the NFL needs as many eyeballs on the screen to secure those fat ad revenue checks. Keep dancin' for that money, ho!

I've said it before: the NFL is fucking rigged. Gosh danget do I love the First Amendment.

What else did we learn? Tackling, Quentin Mikell is in Michael Lewis Territory, Bears Stretched Us Out, Give Cutler Credit, Come Back Asante, Moose Your Suit Looks Ridiculous, Fix Yo Field, and Blame the O-Line.

Eagles 19, Titans 37: Wait...We Lost That Game?

Fuck This Weekend - Phillies lose on Saturday, Eagles lose on Sunday, and I head back to work on Monday. I check my fantasy scores and not only did I leave Kenny Britt on the bench, but I'm actually playing against him in two different leagues. So to recap, number 18 for the Titans scored 18 points against my real-life favorite football team, then he went for 47 and 53 against two of my fantasy football teams. I mean...what the fuck is the point? I know he's a Rutgers alum but can't you give me something, God? Anything?

Anyway, what else did we learn? Clockers, Kenny Britt Ate The Eagles, Touchback, Why Burn That Last Timeout?, The TOTALLY STRAIGHT Riley Cooper Dreamboat Meter, and The Eagles are Still Pretty Good.

Eagles 12, Redskins 17: Slow Clap

So for those of you keeping score at home: McNabb out, Kolb in, Kolb out, Vick in, Vick out, Kolb in. And hopefully Kolb out. Very, very soon.

I may stand alone here as the guy starting the slow clap for our former QB, but it's totally justified. We got what we deserved. McSoup didn't play great, but he played well enough to win a game he probably wanted more than any of us could imagine. Hogmurder had his shot at history -- and beating McNabb in his first return game after Vick got injured would surely be historic -- but alas, it was not to be.

So what did we learn? Kevin Kolb is a Scared Shell of a Quarterback, Owen is the Schmitt, Appreciate Shady, Eagles got Clocked, Mike Bell Sucks, Where's the Rush?, Asante's Business Decisions, Countdown to Meltdown, The Prophet Barkley, and McNabb's Last Laugh.

Andy Reid: "Concussion..(clears throat) Schmuncussion."

Good to see Andy got this memo... but someone should probably tell him that The Onion is usually pretty satirical.

Bash your head on the jump to see some questionable "concussion" videos.

I Hate You, Eagles. Hate.

Ok, so maybe I don't hate the Eagles. I could never really hate the Eagles, I'm too diehard a fan to do that. But I do hate you Andy Reid. And you Howie Roseman. And you Joe Banner. And you Jeffery Lurie.

Trading Donovan McNabb to the Redskins...seriously? Are you fucking kidding me? You're going to trade a franchise quarterback to a team in your own division? For a second round pick?

FUCK YOU.

2009 Eagles Post Mortem

Now that I've had a two days to calm down, relax and take a step back, I feel that I can objectively look at the 2009 Philadelphia Eagles season.

The Devil has Two Human Forms

via Deadspin


And although I place the majority of the blame on the O-line, how about we concentrate on playing sound football rather than strumming air guitar to appear unnerved, you corny, goofy prick.

...

football season is over.

Eagles 0, Cowboys 24: Pointing Fingers!

Two punched walls (no holes), three objects thrown across the room, and countless colorful expletives shouted at my television. In other words, the Eagles lost. Big. In a game they really needed. Countdown to devastating loss: Tminus 7 days.

Eagles 23, Chargers 31: Pointing Fingers!

So who's to blame to for the Eagles' second-consecutive loss?

That's right: Bill Belichick

Eagles 16, Cowboys 20: Pointing Fingers!

Okay, so we lost to the Cowboys. Take a breath, let it roll around your mindgrapes for a while -- accept it. Acceptance is the first step. The second? Blame.

I could go ahead and point fingers at all of the usual suspects: Donovan McNabb, the refs, Barack Obama, my childhood, the GOP, illegal immigrants, daylight savings time, the BCS, performance enhancing drugs, the illuminati...but I'll save that for another time. For this game -- this loss -- I only have one big finger to point.

Eagles 9, Raiders 13: Pointing Fingers!

Okay, so I was wrong about the blowout. It's happened before, it may or may not happen again. I haven't felt this type of resentment towards the Eagles since the tie game debacle against the Bengals last year. The game was a disgusting display that nearly ruined my Sunday (thank you Phillies). Offensive inefficiency, poor tackling, missed field goals...every facet of the game got Munsoned. But there are some out there who deserve more blame than others. I'm pointing fingers!