Monday, October 19, 2009

Eagles 9, Raiders 13: Pointing Fingers!

Okay, so I was wrong about the blowout. It's happened before, it may or may not happen again. I haven't felt this type of resentment towards the Eagles since the tie game debacle against the Bengals last year. The game was a disgusting display that nearly ruined my Sunday (thank you Phillies). Offensive inefficiency, poor tackling, missed field goals...every facet of the game got Munsoned. But there are some out there who deserve more blame than others. I'm pointing fingers!

King Dunlap
Really dude? How can a guy so huge suck so bad? I know Richard Seymour is a great lineman and that you're young and probably weren't ready to play yesterday, but is that the best you can do? Were you trying to out-awful Winston Justice's 2007 effort against Osi and the Giants? A couple of times I thought I was watching a new episode of "Shaq Vs." where The Diesel tried his best to give up as many sacks as possible.  At one point Seymour just bullied you to the ground, and the only thing that saved McNabb from injury #2 this year was a leg sweep you gave that wasn't seen by the officials.  Thanks for that, by the way.  For your sake I hope Peters can play next week; I wouldn't want to see hordes of Jameson-fueled Birds fans screaming "Queen Dunlap" and various curse words at you and your family.

Jeremiah Trotter
Sure hope you enjoyed that two-week honeymoon full of sugar-coated memories and nostalgic love...cause that shit is most definitely over. You are slow. Too slow to play middle linebacker in the NFL. You're a big dude and you hit hard, and that's swell, but when Zach Miller catches 6 passes for 139 and a touchdown it's time for you go sit...down...on the bench...until a goalline situation. Third and 10 in the 4th quarter with the game on the line and you're starting? Why?? Five weeks ago you were on WIP yukking it up with the other you're losing us games? Why?? WHY???? If I had to choose between you playing for the Eagles or you ensuring that my car stays washed for under $5...I'll take the Trot Spot every time.

Marty Morningwheg / Offensive Play Calling
First down - pass play
Second down - run play
Third down - pass play

I honestly don't mind this formula, Marty, but when you do it every single usually ends with "Punt" on fourth down. Also, I'm pretty sure we have a couple of shotgun sets in our playbook...why didn't we run those a little more? I mean, watching our franchise QB run for his fucking life for 3 hours is certainly entertaining, but I've always been a bigger fan of first downs and touchdowns. I don't know, I guess I'm just old school like that.

Donovan McNabb
I'm sure all of Philadelphia was cursing your guts yesterday; throwing their scrapple at the TV in disgust. But I don't think it's your fault as much as the rest of them. Sure, you threw some passes in the dirt -- but since you're second all time in TD-INT ratio, I understand that's your style. Better in the dirt than in the other teams' hands, right?

My problem is your attitude. I know you're a grown man and there are personality traits that will never leave you (why are you smiling!?!), but the shit is annoying. You get all scared like a little girly boy when the protection isn't perfect. Your feet start dancing, your tongue sticks out, you search around nervously for someone to bail you out of a bad play call...and then you throw it incomplete. Or get sacked. Donovan, it's not fair.

If you really are one of the top tier QBs -- you've got to perform when the rest of your team doesn't want to. If the heat is on, you've got to step up in the pocket to buy yourself some time to make a play. You looked slow in stepping up into the pocket -- and although the D was coming at you hard like Peter North -- you didn't make the plays you needed to. Jesus, Donovan, it was the Raiders for Gods sake.

David Akers
We need a new kicker next year. It looks like you've been taking some leg steroids lately cause your kicks seem to be longer than they were, but you're not accurate. You...we don't need you.

Antonio Pierce
You get the finger of the week. Fuck you, dude. Why did you say all that crap about playing the Raiders being like a scrimmage? Why did you say they didn't even try? Why did you give them that level of motivational bulletin board material?

You're the reason the Raiders played well. You gave them something to prove, and they proved it against my favorite team. I hate you, Antonio Pierce. I hope your knee goes the wrong way.

Shouldn't you be in jail right now for trying to cover up a shooting, anyway?

++Final Thoughts++
While I understand the urge to burn a McNabb jersey and curse out Andy Reid on sports radio, let's just quell these emotions for a sec.  This was one game.  Losing to the Raiders is shitty, but hopfully this is one of the low points of the season.  We can't go crying that the sky is falling every time our team plays poorly.  Just be patient and it'll get better kids.  I promise.


  1. The best finger came in the way of "pointing" from each part of the Eagles team at one another in form of actual quotes from post game.
    Gocong pointing at Def. Cord- "I think sometimes we were a little too aggressive, trying to get sacks."
    McNabb pointing at O-Line- "I can only do so much with guys on top of me."
    Brown pointing at Offense- "We did what we had to do and held them to 13 points."
    Westbrook pointing at Off. Cord- "We needed to run the ball more."

    P.S.- Westbrook averaged 8.3yd per carry. Why we only run him 6 times? Bad Reid... Bad...

  2. Now you know this game is going to cost the Eagles in the long run. I see them finishing 8-8 at best; and there's no chance you make the playoffs with that record this year. Whoever is calling the plays needs to resign. Like yesterday.