Eagles 30, Cowboys 27: Autograph Night

We're going all pictures today, kids.

So what did we learn? Andy Reid Hammer Pants, StewBrad: Out, Mike Vick is Going to Die Soon, Running to the Westside, and Splash.

Eagles 26, Bears 31: Cutler Lives!

The NFL is Fixed - So Asante Samuel inadvertently makes contact with another players' helmet during a shoulder tackle and gets fined $40,000 while Andre Johnson only gets $25,000 for RIPPING OFF A DUDES HELMET AND PUNCHING HIM TWICE IN THE HEAD? I understand the caps lock is a bit leading, but check it, even in lowercase it's crazy. he got into a fistfight during the game, ripped off the other guys helmet, and successfully beat him about the face and head. Twenty-five K and no suspension? Crazy.

Well, maybe not that crazy. The NFL has a nationally-televised only-game-in-town to sell on its network this Thursday. And they couldn't have the lowly Texans going into this game without their best player, could they? I mean, who knows how quickly the game could be over without him? They needed to keep this whole "rage-fueled fistfight" incident low-key and under-penalized because, hey, the Texans need all the help they can get to make a date with the Eagles in Philly an attractive national matchup. And the NFL needs as many eyeballs on the screen to secure those fat ad revenue checks. Keep dancin' for that money, ho!

I've said it before: the NFL is fucking rigged. Gosh danget do I love the First Amendment.

What else did we learn? Tackling, Quentin Mikell is in Michael Lewis Territory, Bears Stretched Us Out, Give Cutler Credit, Come Back Asante, Moose Your Suit Looks Ridiculous, Fix Yo Field, and Blame the O-Line.

Eagles 59, Redskins 28: The Quarterback Prototype

Madden 2004 - It happened. The promise of Michael Vick's full potential was fulfilled this Monday night in Landover, Maryland. You know the stats: 20/28 for 333 yards passing, 4 passing touchdowns, 80 yards rushing, and 2 rushing touchdowns. Yes, this changes everything.

ESPN may have the Falcons at #1 on their Power Rankings this week, but they were beaten handedly by the Eagles less than a month ago with a backup quarterback. NFL fans are now realizing that they are literally witnessing football history on a weekly basis. Mike Vick is undefeated in any game he has started and finished. He has zero interceptions. He has zero lost fumbles. He's running a very complex offensive scheme with absolute ease. He's piloting the leagues most explosive offense to new heights in a year where most of the Super Bowl favorites have been grounded. Shit, the Pro Football Hall of Fame even requested Vick's jersey from Monday night. This is big. This is historic. This is Madden 2004.

Michael Vick is in a position to make one of the greatest comebacks in sports history. A mercenary field general with a cannon arm and a killer instinct is leading a team of talent-drenched kids through the NFL jungle. Neither NFL golden boy Peyton Manning nor friendly foe Donovan McNabb could stop them. What exactly are we witnessing here?

With 7 weeks remaining in the regular season and so much left unanswered, this story is far from over. But as of now, if this Philadelphia Eagles team can stay healthy, it looks like there is a legitimate shot of Michael Vick -- the same man who spent 2 years in prison and last year running 2-yard wildcat plays -- hoisting the Lombardi trophy.

The NFL: Where Amazing Happens.

What else did we learn? LaRon Landry Got His, Dimitri Patterson's Hands are Sticky, Jerome Harrison: Karma Police, Beat 'em After a Bye, Steve Young: Critic turned Believer, How to Beat Vick, Andy Reid Back Pats, Mike Vick Head Explosion Meter, DeSean's Record, Worst to First, and Fuck the Giants.

Oh, by the way, Game 6 is Saturday

Yea, he did that. Pulled his groin. Didn't matter, cause...well...this series isn't over yet. History will tell you about moments when players just give it all they got (Jordan with the flu, Kirk Gibson game, etc.) but rarely do you get to live through that moment as a fan. We just did.

Roy Halladay pulled his groin on Thursday night. He couldn't throw his fastball past 89 mph. He had a good curve, a decent cutter and that's it. But guess what, he won. The Phillies won. And, well, last time I checked...our boys are coming back home.

In case you didn't know, Game 6 is Saturday night. Roy 2.0 on the mound. Sounds like a can't miss to me.

Go Phils.

Eagles 31, Falcons 17: The Desktop Wallpaper Bowl

Oh who doesn't love the friendly office wager.

A fellow employee -- who for the sake of privacy we'll call "Edward McFalconsfan" -- and I were engaged in a work week of casual shit-talking since last Monday. The final resolution? Whoever is the fan of the losing team must change their desktop wallpaper to a background of the winner's choosing and leave it there for a week.

Edward McFalconsfan, enjoy your week. I came into work early on a Monday just to MS Paint this for you.

So what did we learn? Wetz was Wrong, Chad Hall is the Beneficiary of Racism, Dunta Robinson is a Fucking Asshole, Give McDermott His Credit, Kevin Kolb Trade Value Meter, Won in the Trenches, Wide Left, and Vick is Still the Starter.

What This Boxscore Tells Me

Last night was the preseason opener for the Sixers.  Sadly, they were dispatched by the Russians.  This game wasn't shown on TV or announced on the radio, so this game might as well have never happened.  However, that won't stop me from gathering an opinion based off the statistical evidence provided to us. 

• Evan Turner, didn't have a great game shooting from the field, but managed to hit 10 of 12 free throws in 25 minutes.  That's very encouraging and should alleviate some concern you had about his poor performance in Summer League.  It's natural for a college player's shot to take a little time to develop where he's actually comfortable going through the motions of an NBA game.  Regardless of how long it takes for Turner to find his shot, a guy that has the ability to get to the line the way ET did last night is typically always successful.  You should feel good about this.

• The Sixers still cannot make a 3 pointer to save their lives. They can't defend them either.  This will be a brutal reality all season long.

• Marreese Speights was a bright spot in terms of total points and rebounds as he led the team in both categories.  He was even the only Sixer (besides Thad who left very early) to finish on the plus side in the +/- category.  Speights for MVP!

• Sike. Speights shoots too damn much.  He's like Al Jefferson.  Except inefficient and not as good. 

• Jrue had a nice stat line of 10-5-4 with 3 steals, but it looks like he was kind of careless with ball.  5 turnovers in 28 minutes isn't going to get the job done.  But again, it's the first preseason game, so I'm not really worried here. I'm a big Jrue supporter.

• Spencer Hawes is the worst.  He clearly has no idea how to play defense.  His +/- on the court was a team worst -17.  Hawes is going to be a huge liability down low.  This team will be eaten alive by any big man with even the smallest amount of talent.  Also, young Spencer will foul out of every game in a futile attempt to girl-slap the large black man dunking on him.  This is fact.

So there you have it.  Who needs to actually watch a game to know what's going on?  Not me.  Not one bit.

Eagles 16, Cowboys 20: Pointing Fingers!

Okay, so we lost to the Cowboys. Take a breath, let it roll around your mindgrapes for a while -- accept it. Acceptance is the first step. The second? Blame.

I could go ahead and point fingers at all of the usual suspects: Donovan McNabb, the refs, Barack Obama, my childhood, the GOP, illegal immigrants, daylight savings time, the BCS, performance enhancing drugs, the illuminati...but I'll save that for another time. For this game -- this loss -- I only have one big finger to point.

Eagles 27, Redskins 17: What Did We Learn?

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Eagles 9, Raiders 13: Pointing Fingers!

Okay, so I was wrong about the blowout. It's happened before, it may or may not happen again. I haven't felt this type of resentment towards the Eagles since the tie game debacle against the Bengals last year. The game was a disgusting display that nearly ruined my Sunday (thank you Phillies). Offensive inefficiency, poor tackling, missed field goals...every facet of the game got Munsoned. But there are some out there who deserve more blame than others. I'm pointing fingers!

Week 5: What Did We Learn?

The game -- regardless of a final score of 33-14 -- ended pretty much as we thought it would.  The birds were 13.5 point favorites and the Bucs were (and are) winless thus far this season.  Nevertheless, with every passing game we learn something more about the identity of this team and gain new insight into just how good they are.

What did we learn?: McNabb's health is not an issue, Jeremy Maclin lives, Michael Vick probably hates his life again, Westbrook kinda sucks now, Standard wildcat good / Fancy wildcat bad, Josh Johnson is better than his stats, Blitzing is the new black, and Kellen Winslow Jr is a fucking soldier!!