Friday, January 21, 2011
Knock-Off American Sports Apparel In Bangladesh Is Magnificent - I think we found where Tupac is hiding! The guy who took this picture also cites seeing Green Bay Dolphins caps and New York Sox t-shirts. Gotta love the third world. [Deadspin]
New Japanese Fashion: LED Lights for Your Teeth - And grills were stupid? At least diamonds and gold are worth something.[NYT]
Did Obama Dye His Hair? - Awww shit gettin the jet black back to look fresh for the Chinese President. Don't think we didn't notice, Barry. [Gawker]
George Clooney Caught Malaria in Sudan - Then shrugs the shit off like it's nothing. America! [TMZ]
Video of Dog Killing Rats in Washington Square Park - A somewhat cute dog murders the hell out of rats in the famous NYC park. Feel kinda bad for the rats, actually. [DoobyBrain]
A Portrait Of Hyper-Urbanization: Shanghai 1990 vs. Shanghai 2010 - I had no idea a city could look that dramatically different in 20 years. Get on it, Philly. [io9]
Ron Swanson's Pyramid of Greatness - Even if you don't watch Parks & Recreation and understand how fantastic Ron Swanson is, his sage advice still rings true. Crying: Acceptable only at funerals and the Grand Canyon. [Buzzfeed]
The Craziest Fishing Frenzy Imaginable - This is a lot like how my dad taught me how to fish. Only we had several thousand less people, no wicker baskets, more clothes, actual bait, and we didn't begin with a gunshot. [Neatorama]
Asylum - When line cook Ryan Burke spotted in his restaurant the police officer who had once stopped him for a traffic violation, he decided to cook the cop up something really special. So the 27-year-old New Jerseyan made sure there was a not-so healthy dose of his chest and pubic hair in the turkey, egg and cheese bagel he made for the Evesham Police Department officer. It didn't take long for the cop to figure out what was going on, and he had the offending sandwich sent to the state crime lab, were it was confirmed the hairs matched Burke's DNA. Burke plead guilty to aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer and retaliation for past official action, and was sentenced to 15 days in jail for his culinary crime.
15 Days in jail just for some pubes? C'mon, Officer. Be man enough to confront the dude about it; no need to involve the crime lab. I dunno. Maybe I'm just sympathetic to this guys' case because I may or may not have sandwich spread my own saliva in a cops' hoagie when I was a teenager working at Wawa.
Doesn't seem like that big of a deal.
Buzzfeed - Katy Perry was getting chummy with Mark Zuckerberg at the Facebook headquarters. Internet titans collide, hug.
I love it. The guy is the billionaire owner of one of the most powerful brands on the planet, has Big Brother-like domain over all of the world's information, and he still looks like a shiny-foreheaded nerd when hugging up on some famous breasts. I'm sure Zuckerberg has seen/done/penetrated things my middle-class mind will never ever understand, but this picture totally makes me feel better about myself.
Eagles Central - Pro Bowl fullback Leonard Weaver suffered a severe ACL tear on his first carry of the season back in September.The injury is so severe that Weaver’s chances of playing professional football again are “remote”, says a source. Weaver didn’t just tear his ACL. He tore his PCL and suffered serious nerve damage as well. He recently underwent his third major operation in the last week, in an attempt to help regain movement to his left foot. Weaver has not been able to lift his foot since the inury over four months ago.
Damn. This news just made me legitimately sad. You may recall that Leonard Weaver is my favorite person in the world. Or at least the personality he portrays on Twitter is my favorite person. He's just so damn positive. And as someone who can only communicate with the outside world through sarcasm and cynicism, I am in awe of his genuine niceness. I mean, damn, his knee went the other way and probably ended his career, and motherfucker is still upbeat and friendly TO EVERYONE. Just throwin around retweets like it's nothing.
Get well, LW.
CrossingBroad - For only the second time in his NHL career, Jeff Carter got into a fight. Well, it wasn't so much a fight as it was what happens when your Rock 'Em, Sock 'Em robots would get stuck together and feverishly pounding on the buttons did nothing more than get them even more tangled than they already were.
His was one of just many last night. Claude Giroux, Scott Hartnell, Sean O'Donnell, and Jody Shelley all threw down in what was a wild third period. The Flyers won 6-2, but this game was all about the fights.
Our friends at Crossing Broad have this covered perfectly. Nice to see the old school Broad Street Bullies style in town last night. Great game for Flyers fans. Pronger returned, they won by 4 goals and extended their points lead over Pittsburgh, and a bunch of 5 minute fighting majors were handed out.
Check out the above video for the fight-night recap. Especially around the 2-minute mark when Shelly v. Neil starts.
CantonRep.com - Running back Peyton Hillis opened up about his lost year in Denver and his newfound stardom in Cleveland on a [Dan Patrick's] national radio show Wednesday. Patrick asked Hillis about the novelty of being a white running back in the NFL. Hillis said the topic is thrown in his face directly and indirectly, regularly ... [and] said his complexion always came up on the field.“Every team did it,” he said. “They’ll say, ‘You white boy, you ain’t gonna run on us today. This is ridiculous. Why are you giving offensive linemen the ball?’
“All kinds of stuff like that you hear on the field, but I use that to my advantage. I kind of soaked it in, ate it up a little bit, because I enjoyed it.”
Hillis has heard nicknames suggested right and left. Patrick said his favorite is “The Avalanche,” to which Hillis responded: “I heard that one. I heard ‘White Rhino.’ I heard ... Chuck Norris.’”
I have a strict policy when it comes to racism: it's only okay if it's funny. If what you say is a legitimately funny joke, all should be forgiven. Like as the black dude with a lot of white friends I've been hearing shit since I was in elementary school. I've got thick skin. I can take it. But what's the point of just being a racist asshole if you're not going to at least be funny about it? Black joke that ends with some sort of slavery or hanging reference -- not funny. Black joke that makes a reference to something less obvious like cocoa butter or menthol cigarettes -- I might chuckle.
But I digress. Just calling Peyton Hillis "white boy" and being insulting is not funny and, therefore, racist. Asking why the Browns are giving offensive lineman the ball? Eh...pretty funny. I'm glad to see that the guy has a good attitude about the whole thing and uses it for motivation. Plus, you know, The Avalanche and White Rhino nicknames are only gonna bring him marketing opportunities and more money.
Make sure you cash in on that shit, Norris.
The Huffington Post - A model rebound, if true. Jim Carrey, who broke up with Jenny McCarthy in April, was photographed Thursday night in New York holding hands with Anchal Joseph, a former 'America's Next Top Model' contestant. Joseph is 24-years old -- Carrey is 49.
I caught James Carrey on SNL a few weeks back and while he wasn't nearly as funny on that show as he was before, the dude is still incredibly likable. Maybe it's just because my generation grew up with him on In Living Color and in Ace Ventura, I dunno. I still like him. And I'm happy to see that he's freakin off with hot Indian models after breakin up with that farty crazyperson Jenny McCarthy. Love Indian girls.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Hahaha suck it, Baltimore & Memphis!
We're also the sixth dumbest, third fattest, and third rudest! Keep drinking, not working out, not reading, and not dressing well and I think we can go for #1 across the board.
h/t Philebrity via Travel+Leisure
Bitches Love Science - Can't wait to cop that new Bill Nye x Lil Wayne mixtape. [Failblog]
Farts May Lead To Stabbings - I always knew the rules of "Whoever smelt it dealt it" would lead to a grizzly murder. [TheSchoolPhilly via Gothamist]
Tween Girl Sucks Helium, Falls into Table - Damn, helium did you like THAT? The nitrous balloon she'll try in college should be pretty funny. [The Daily What]
Baseball's Greatest Porn Names - Royce Pussington wins hands-down. Pussington! [TedWilliamsHead via Bugs&Cranks]
I Don't Care About Politics So Obama Shouldn't Care About Sports - Get 'em, Reis. [The Onion]
The Best Cardboard Box-Related Rap Song of 2011 - Maybe of all time. Don't wanna get ahead of myself, though. [VideoSift]
Yes, that's what you think it is.
This is brilliant because they use all the parts. Mouth hole hood, nipple on the shoulder, Vijay Singh in your armpit. Totally dig the idea. I just imagine some hipster fixie-biking to the corner store tryin to buy some PBR and American Spirits, realizing that he's short 30 cents, then reaching into his jacket vagina for some change. That's a victory all around.
h/t mur via Refinery29
Me? I'd rather just have sex with her. To each his own, I guess.
ScarJo in a bathtub GIF after the jump
BleedingGreenNation - Over the weekend, the Eagles tore down the coaching staff on the defensive side of the ball. This week, they've begun the process of building it back up with the hiring of former Titans defensive line coach Jim Washburn. As we previously noted, Washburn is considered to be one of the best defensive line coaches in the NFL. Andy Reid said he's thrilled to have Washburn on board.
Although it's becoming obvious that the Birds have no idea at all who they want to be their defensive coordinator, I'm happy to hear that this guy is possibly the best D-Line coach in the league. But more importantly, I wanna know Jim Washburn's personal 40 time and if dude has a burst off the line. Cause they need players. And I'm not sure I can stand to see Daniel Te'o-Nesheim get snaps for another year. That motherfucker is terrible.
posted by maurice tags: Eagles
Philly.com - The Phillies have opted to supersize and enhance their video system at Citizens Bank Park. According to a release the team sent out Wednesday, the Phillies are in the midst of a $10 million upgrade that will include an enormous new HD-15 video display screen in left field. The Phillies said their new HD display will be the largest in the National League and among the largest in the world, measuring 76 feet high and 97 feet wide. It will include 7,372 square feet of digital space and will be nearly triple the size of the former video screen in left field.
"The display could feature 49 life-size Phillie Phanatics standing next to and on top of each other."
Or one shot of Placido Polanco's head. HARF HARF HARF.
posted by maurice tags: phillies
I know the Eagles and Steelers aren't rivals, but to be photographed in any another team's colors to the extent of this picture is blasphemous. You're a phony!
DListed - Two years ago, Sammy Sosa showed up to the Latin Grammys looking like the head make-up artist on White Chicks put way too much cream in his coffee. Sammy blamed it on a cosmetic cream and his skin turned back to its natural color a few months later. Well, I guess somebody mixed Sammy's moisturizer and toner with Sun-In and Clorox again, because he showed up to Pitbull's 30th birthday party in Miami looking an undercooked turkey meatball.
I guess the cream on the knuckles didn't take?
Daaaamn Sammy...in '98 you was the maaaan Sammy. The fuck happened to you?
What does maybe-former Eagles starting MLB Stewart Bradley think is whack? Well, among others: lesbians who look like Justin Beiber, floods, dogs with snow boots, fatty pizzas, kids smoking, and People hating on Tom Brady's hair.
Gotta respect the subtle Kung-Fu reference, though.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
With the news today that Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov has withdrawn his team from trade talks with the Nuggets, it appears that Carmelo Anthony is again available to the highest bidder. However, while that may be true, there are only a handful of teams that truly have a chance to acquire one of best scorers in the NBA.
$1bn Streets of Monaco Yacht a Floating City- Fuck you, billionaire who plans on building this. Love, Non-Billionaire Humans Everywhere. [News.com.au]
Wikileaks cable about UFOs revealed? - Yes, UFOs exist. And the Government wants Department of Defense employees to shut the fuck up about it. [io9]
Guy Asks for Million Dollars on YouTube and Gets It - I guess all it takes to become a millionaire is persistence, internet access, and some rich showoff with a sense of humor to give it to you [The Daily What]
Deadspin's AJ Daulerio Featured in GQ - I'm not sure whether I'm happy, jealous, or angry. Sure, we've sent stuff to Deadspin that they've used without giving us credit. But I'm no hater. Congrats, asshole. [GQ]
Kanye West To Have Gay Sex in Movie Role - I'm sure the Hip Hop community will be thoughtful and understanding about his acting asperations. Or call him a faggot.
Watch Dozens Of Cars Crash On Iciest Hill Ever - Not sure why we love seeing cars go smash. But we love seeing cars go smash. [Jalopnik]
Most Creative Contract Clauses of Offseason - MLB players had a bunch of silly things written into their contracts this year. $50k for J.C. Romero if he wins a Silver Slugger? What do you mean he hasn't had an at bat since 2003? [ESPN]
Technology Review - Car thieves of the future might be able to get into a car and drive away without forced entry and without needing a physical key, according to new research that will be presented at the Network and Distributed System Security Symposium next month in San Diego, California.
The researchers successfully attacked eight car manufacturers' passive keyless entry and start systems—wireless key fobs that open a car's doors and start the engine by proximity alone.
It was only a matter of time, right? I feel like if I watched any shitty Fast and Furious/Gone in 60 Seconds-ish movie made after 2009, this technology would just be assumed. What I love now is that when you leave your downtown office and your fucking BMW is missing from the company lot, you just know it was some dorky WASP-y MIT professor driving off with your shit laughing maniacally through the sunroof. No way you can blame that one on a minority group.
h/t BoingBoing via Technology Review
posted by maurice
How often is this kinda stuff actually caught on tape? Incredible. I'll keep the dick jokes to a minimum since someone actually died during this Tacony explosion, but this is great viral nonetheless.
h/t CBS News
posted by maurice tags: Video
The season might be over, but I was delighted to see Shady McCoy still talking shit. Even as he's partying his ass off into the wee hours of the morning, he took time out to take a little dig at the Giants and I think that’s pretty friggin cool. It makes him feel more like a real person rather than just some apathetic, high maintenance athlete. Maybe diva-ness doesn't kick in til year 3 of your NFL career. Anywho, glad to see Shady is enjoying himself.
This lovely photograph is from Hue Jackson's introductory press conference as the Raiders new head coach. You really don’t get much more dreadful than this. No words exist which can accurately express just how revolting this truly is.
Considering what the rest of this ghoul’s face looks like, what types of cavernous gashes or immense liquid seepage do you suppose he's hiding under those Band-Aids? I don’t think I can allow my imagination to go to a place dark enough to even venture a guess. It's a mighty sad day when a herpes sore the size of a quarter is the least of your problems.
h/t Tirico Suave
"I hope he gets cancer like me." Classic.
Although the second episode of The Onion's new Comedy Central show Sportsdome was more disappointing than the first, irrational Phillies fanaticism got a full segment. Can't give it a bad rating now I guess.
"I hate how he smiles like he's playing to win friends. Just play, Scumbag."
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
This woman loves the Kansas Jayhawks. She's also on he front page of ESPN.com. So, no matter how stupid that tattoo is and how ridiculous it's going to look when she's 75, she has already accomplished more than I have. Damn it.
Anyway, it spurned on a Google image search of massive proportions. Apparently there are plenty of idiots out there (which, of course, doesn't come as a surprise). Enjoy.
Natalie Portman Cracks Herself Up - This is equal parts cute and annoying. I still love you, girl. [DListed]
Cuba Shoots its First Zombie Movie - It's called Juan of the Dead. I shit you not. [BBC News]
Kid Possessed By Micheal Jackson Kills It for the Jumbotron - Not like there's anything else to do during Bobcats games. [The Chive]
Things Real People Don't Say About Advertising - I've had real-life meetings about this kinda stuff at work. I'm now depressed. [Digg]
Texting Woman Falls into Mall Fountain - Give her some credit on the casual walk away. [Asylum]
If Madden Player Ratings Were More Detailed - Flacco gets a 100 for Poise and Calm, but he really needs to do something about his Eyebrows rating. [Sports Pickle]
White Kid Raps Really Fast - More importantly he makes it seem effortless while having solid lyrical content. And you gotta trust my opinion here. I'm black. [Buzzfeed]
Is there any NBAer you'd rather watch right now than Blake Griffin? Dude is a monster. Hulk-like presence in the paint? Check. Post-up spin move off the glass? Check. Dwight Howard's Superman dunk in an actual game? Check. I love this guy.
Deadspin posted the above video and is looking for a fitting nickname. CNNSI apparently has already gone with "Beast Mode," but Marshawn Lynch actually did something impressive lately so I think he gets to keep his title. I'm goin with Black Freckles. Racist? Maybe. Fun to say? Definitely.
Check out all of Griffin's 47 points from last night and try not to develop a man crush. Shit's impossible.
You win, Olivia. I had zero intentions of posting this weeks-old Maxim cover shot of you, but I saw it again just now and couldn't resist. You seem to have that whole I'm-just-one-of-the-guys dorky girl thing down to a science, and I've totally fallen for it. You've also done several covers and some online stuff for my former employer (is an intern an employee?) Complex, so I've seen you be cute and funny with real-life friends of mine.
Anyway, let the soccer moms get all up in arms about your see-through panties. Let ugly girls say your Daily Show appearances aren't funny. You're only going to win more fans in the end. Maybe even enough fans to keep your new sitcom from being a total disaster. [Fingers crossed]
Gawker - Finally, a reason for science to exist: A researcher in Philadelphia (of course!) has discovered the single most effective cure for a hangover. And it's really pretty simple. Coffee and aspirin. That's it!
Apparently hangovers AREN'T caused by dehydration, as the rats Professor Michael Oshinsky of Thomas Jefferson University used clearly showed. I'm not so sure he ran the rats through the same gauntlet of beer, whiskey, vodka, awkward sexual advances, public humiliation, and 4:30am sake bombs that I had last Saturday, but I guess I'll take the word of this "scientist". I mean, that Iranian man I almost threw up on in the laundromat the next day said coconut water, but I guess coffee and aspirin it is.
posted by maurice
Monday, January 17, 2011
CBS/AP - PHILADELPHIA, Pa. - The crimes in the Kensington neighborhood of Philadelphia were grisly: At least three young women were found strangled to death after being sexual assaulted in November and December. Others came forward saying they had barely survived similar such attacks.
Now, police believe that DNA evidence that was run through their offender database has led them to their primary suspect, 21-year-old Antonio Rodriguez.
Detective Justin Frank went on to say "We are pretty confident he is the suspect." Nothing makes the women of Philadelphia feel safer than the police saying they're "pretty confident" they caught the right dude.
Also of note, the tipster is set to receive a whopping $37,000 reward for giving information leading to the suspect's arrest. That's 37 grand. Dude raped and strangled 3 women and raped and tried to strangle a bunch others. Rapist murderers: welcome to Philly. Where people don't snitch because they'll only get about $12,300 per person you rape/murder.
posted by maurice
Don't worry folks, football is still alive in Philadelphia. Our Passion, of the Lingerie Football League, are still alive and headed to the Eastern Conference Championship on January 29th. From the video above, I can only assume they will win.
[Insert paragraph that talks about boobies, vagina(s), how girls can't play sports, the WNBA, more boobies, make me a sandwich, JWoww, Rex Ryan's wife, bukakke, fold my laundry, even more boobies, Michael Bolton, tampons, lesbian sex between straight girls who also want to sleep with you, Jessica Alba, clean the bathroom and Cliff Lee.]
Full-Arm Louis Vuitton tattoo - Never before have I so wanted to rip someone's arm off and beat them to death with it. [DoobyBrain]
World Eskimo-Indian Olympics: Ear Pulling Competition - Exactly what it sounds like. Eskimo women + string / ears = blood and pain. [DoobyBrain]
Feeding Homeless People Banned in Houston - Watch out... you'll get ya fingers bit! [YouTube]
The Greatest JV Football Motivation Speech Ever - Sure, he's inspirational. But I'm pretty sure most inspirational speeches aren't read from a print-out. [Don Chavez]
81% of Americans Support Medical Marijuana - Blah blah blah weed. [Digg]
1950's Housewife on Acid Trip - "I wish I could talk in Technicolor." Don't we all, sweety. [Huffington Post]
Attractive People Have Higher IQs - Yep. I'm smarter than you, too. [The Awl]
Bears Fan in Striped Overalls - And this guy definitely has a low IQ [30fps]
The Daily What - Well This Is Something You Don’t See Every Day of the Day: A wayward Ussuri tiger spotted roaming the highway near its namesake Siberian town of Ussuriysk.
Yeah, that's one of the scariest animals that could possibly be approaching your car. Dudes probly had plenty of vodka in their systems cause I would have had a heart attack trying to stay still and quiet like that thing was a fucking T-Rex. DON'T MOVE! SHE CAN'T SEE YOU IF YOU DON'T MOVE!
Two animal posts in one day? I'm on fi-yah!
posted by maurice
Okay, okay, so it was pretty dirty for some of the Flyers bench (Briere and Hartnell) to rabbit punch a Rangers player in the back of the head after he blasted Kimmo Timonen off his skates. I get that. But when other players do something shitty, Sean Avery always has to make it known that he is the shittiest asshole around.
Avery had the chance to fight a few guys during this scrum in the second period of the Flyers/Rangers game, and instead of picking a worthy adversary, he chooses Matt Carle who had previously been apart of ZERO total fights. Then Avery punches Carle THREE TIMES while dude is on the ground.
Nice job, Sean. I hope your team is enjoying third place.
posted by maurice tags: Flyers
So here is a video of Andre Iguodala shoving Evan Turner for some reason. I didn't watch this game and don't have the context, but either way this appears to be a certified bitch move by AI9. Dre must be jealous of Beeker's new ugly-ass China shoes. Which will be coming soon to a hipster's feet near you.
If you recall Iggy already How-High-Powder-Bitch-Slapped the #2 overall pick earlier this season. ET -- stick up for yourself, homey.
Respect your opponent. Don't talk shit. Be a gracious winner. Those are all things we were taught as kids when we played sports as the foundation of athletic success. If you play hard and play the right way, good things will happen.
All that shit died last night.
Now don't get me wrong, I really couldn't care less who won or lost the Jets/Pats game. I had no horse in that race. I like Tom Brady. I like LaDainian Tomlinson. The Eagles are done. No big deal either way. But the concept of sportsmanship definitely took an L with the Pats loss. Sure, they're a cheating-ass spygate team with a dickhead quarterback and too many white receivers. But at least PUBLICLY they stood for class and playing the game "the right way." They even benched their #1 WR for
Don't go thinking that I don't like the Jets. I love Rex Ryan's foot fetish fuck-my-wife-in-all-three-holes I-live-life-how-I-please style. If more people adopted that level of self-confidence there'd be a lot less haters in the world. But everything dude stands for is the opposite of sportsmanship. If he could burn the jersey of every player on the other team live on Sportscenter he would. If he could take a shit in Troy Polamalu's Head & Shoulders without getting fined he would. I love it cause it's funny. But even a cold-hearted asshole like myself can see the fall of good taste with the Jets' win. Cromartie called the opposing quarterback an asshole and the organization was cool with that? Really?
Now I gotta root for these jerkoffs cause I wanna see how much MORE shit they can talk during Super Bowl week. The end is nigh.
posted by maurice tags: Rex Ryan