Dolla Dolla Bills Yall: Week 11 NFL Spread Picks

Feast your beady lil eyes on the handiwork of Jocelyn Carrington.  You may remember her from such previous TheWizWit masterpieces as: Black Roy Halladay and Ice Gold Samuel Dalembert .  She was kind enough to whip us up an official portrait of The Shark himself.  Before yall flood the ole inbox with requests, we're in the early stages of mass-producing those buttons.  Like tens of thousands worth.  You can wear them to work, school, the supermarket, during sexy-time, dinner...literally anytime.  If Max Jean Gilles can sling mousepads for $21 a pop, you'll buy buttons from us right?  Right???

The Shark managed to recover from a disastrous Week 9 and turn in a positive performance of 8-6 for last week.  That brings the yearly total to 76-62-6 with seven weeks to go.

Strap in and pull out your rent money; this is where we pay for your loved ones' Christmas gifts.

Philadelphia Eagles 2012 Pro Combat Uniforms

Calm down -- no need to freak out. These are just phony concept unis for the 2012 season when our friends at the formerly-sweatshop-labor-employing sportswear juggernaut Nike replace Reebok as the NFL's official uniform supplier. But wow, what a difference.

You've seen these uniforms on the Oregon Ducks and a handful of other NCAA football teams this season, and for the most part they've looked pretty cool. But the hideous interpretations of the Jaguars and the Steelers makes you want to shield your eyes with one hand and stab their designer in the throat with the other. That's not to say there aren't some good-looking changes, though. I think the Colts, Raiders, Panthers, Cardinals, Titans, Rams, and especially the Jets have to be happy here.

The Eagles version....meh. Don't particularly love or hate these.  They're kinda vanilla, especially when you consider what Nike did to the Patriots.  AMERICA!


h/t to Shutdown Corner and [shudder] The Bleacher Report

Bad Ass Mickey Morandini Baseball Card

Seriously, I've seen a lot of baseball cards and this has to be one of the most bad-ass ones around (as is this one). Mickey is layin' the wood to some crappy catcher (who I think is on the Mets but I can't quite tell) obviously scoring a game-winning run. He probably slept with multiple girls following this game, and then combed his mullet slowly as he looked over his conquest. As we all know, Mickey Morandini rocks.

Oh, and he's also back in the organization now as the manager of the Class-A Williamsport Crosscutters. But really, I just wanted a reason to show that awesome card.

Enjoy your Friday.

Even The NY Post Has Given Up

The NY Post’s Paul Schwartz has posted an uber-sarcastic little number entitled "Eagles Can't Be Beat, So Why Should Giants Try".  You can read it in full here.

Here are some highlights:

All will not be lost for the Giants after they lose Sunday night in Philadelphia. Sure, they won’t be in first place anymore, but they will be only one game behind the awesome Eagles and heck, a wild card playoff berth still represents progress after last season’s meltdown.

*****

Eli Manning is a competitive sort, but even he will admit that his abilities pale when compared with the wondrous Vick, who directed an attack that piled up a team-record 592 total yards.

*****

The Giants certainly will try to win this game and Coughlin will not tolerate any of his players surreptitiously sidling up to Vick for a quick autograph, although he probably won’t mind if Vick gives Justin Tuck or Osi Umenyiora a sweaty wristband, as long as they don’t brag about it to their teammates.

Schwartz’s post consists of 926 sarcastically-soaked words, but the point behind the article is to beat you over the head with the fact the Eagles are the darling of the NFL after their domination of Washington. I don't necessarily disagree with that, but I’m sure Schwartz was just fine with all the high praise the Giants received from the five consecutive, convincing wins prior to last week’s letdown against the Cowboys. The whole thing would’ve been a little more effective if he decided to put a smattering of insight into the matchup instead of drowning the whole piece cynicism.

No matter - it's going to be awfully embarrassing when Mike Vick is dicking the entire Giant defense en-route to sole possession of first place in the NFC East.

Go Birds.

A Player by Player Restrospective: Ryan Madson

Juan Uribe. If Ryan Madson is anything like us fans (which right off bat, I'll admit, is unlikely) he probably falls to sleep at night having nightmares about Mr. Uribe. I mean, if I gave up a go-ahead home run to a player that effectively ended my team's season it would probably stick with me for awhile. Fucking Juan Uribe.

In Blasphemous Hockey News...

That is Justin Bieber. He's annoying, Canadian, a Yankee fan, and a pedophile’s dream. He’s also been given an honorary personalized jersey by the Flyers. That’s all well and good, but come on - #1 is Bernie Parent's number. How they gonna slap BIEBER over one of the greatest goalies of all time? No respect I tell ya. No respect.

Check out Broad Street Hockey for more.

[pic via Ike Richman]

Eagles 59, Redskins 28: The Quarterback Prototype

Madden 2004 - It happened. The promise of Michael Vick's full potential was fulfilled this Monday night in Landover, Maryland. You know the stats: 20/28 for 333 yards passing, 4 passing touchdowns, 80 yards rushing, and 2 rushing touchdowns. Yes, this changes everything.

ESPN may have the Falcons at #1 on their Power Rankings this week, but they were beaten handedly by the Eagles less than a month ago with a backup quarterback. NFL fans are now realizing that they are literally witnessing football history on a weekly basis. Mike Vick is undefeated in any game he has started and finished. He has zero interceptions. He has zero lost fumbles. He's running a very complex offensive scheme with absolute ease. He's piloting the leagues most explosive offense to new heights in a year where most of the Super Bowl favorites have been grounded. Shit, the Pro Football Hall of Fame even requested Vick's jersey from Monday night. This is big. This is historic. This is Madden 2004.

Michael Vick is in a position to make one of the greatest comebacks in sports history. A mercenary field general with a cannon arm and a killer instinct is leading a team of talent-drenched kids through the NFL jungle. Neither NFL golden boy Peyton Manning nor friendly foe Donovan McNabb could stop them. What exactly are we witnessing here?

With 7 weeks remaining in the regular season and so much left unanswered, this story is far from over. But as of now, if this Philadelphia Eagles team can stay healthy, it looks like there is a legitimate shot of Michael Vick -- the same man who spent 2 years in prison and last year running 2-yard wildcat plays -- hoisting the Lombardi trophy.

The NFL: Where Amazing Happens.

What else did we learn? LaRon Landry Got His, Dimitri Patterson's Hands are Sticky, Jerome Harrison: Karma Police, Beat 'em After a Bye, Steve Young: Critic turned Believer, How to Beat Vick, Andy Reid Back Pats, Mike Vick Head Explosion Meter, DeSean's Record, Worst to First, and Fuck the Giants.

Unbelievable

It's kinda hard to put this into words right now. As I sit here it's currently 59-21 and Michael Vick probably just had the best game any QB has ever had. Ever. I really don't think I'm going out on much of a limb when I say that. The guy just became the first NFL QB to throw for 300+, rush for 50+, throw four TDs and run for two...EVER. Like in the history of the NFL. Steve Young never did that. Fran Tarkenton didn't do it. Nor did Randall or McNabb (but he did get $40M guaranteed). And the most impressive fact of it? He did it in only three quarters.

When Vick starts (and finishes) a game, the Eagles are 4-0. They move the ball seemingly at will, running the "West Coast" offense (or at least Andy's version of it) probably better than even Andy ever thought it could be run. It's hard to find a fault with what this Vick-led Eagles team has done so far. This really is a very good football team right now, plain and simple.

It's still hard to believe that we're here now talking about Michael Vick, dominating the NFL, as a member of the Philadelphia Eagles. If you described this exact scenario, three years ago, to any Eagles fan you would have been laughed at, then had beer dumped on you. Now? This scenario may just end with the Eagles winning a whole lot more than we ever thought possible.

Michael Vick just delivered an all-time performance. Crazy. And awesome. And...unbelievable.

Go Birds.

McNabb Signs Laughably Ridiculous Deal With Redskins (IN PICTURES)

Because I can't say it any better than Barry Petchesky, here is TheWizWit breakdown of the new McNabb deal using only photographs. I hope you enjoy it, people-who-won't-be-getting-40 million dollars.