Saturday, November 13, 2010

Game Recap Haiku: Flyers 5, Panthers 2

Many thanks to TWW friend Rich

Game Recap Haiku: Sixers 90, Mavericks 99

Dolla Dolla Bills Yall: Week 10 NFL Spread Picks

Oh my.  How have I not heard of this before?  A wonderfully done piece of cinema such as this should've certainly set off my Shark senses.  I just don't even know where to begin.  I suppose you should first take notice to who's landed the starring role in this film - Yes, that's the same Jaleel White who is better known to you as Steve Urkel.  Or Stefan Urkel.  Sadly, there is no trailer for the movie yet, but IMDB tells me it is to be released next month.  What's that?  Oh, yes this is indeed A SEQUEL.  Mega Shark won his battle against Giant Octopus in the first movie.  That film starred the Renegade himself, Lorenzo Lamas.  If you want to be entertained for 1 minute and 6 seconds, please watch that trailer here.  If Reginald VelJohnson makes a cameo in this latest installment, my head might asplode.

Alright, so Vegas took a poop in the Shark's cereal last week.  He had his worst outing of the year going 4-8-1.  Das just turrible.  We now stand at a season record of 68-56-6.  Not to worry - the Shark will rebound like the great Reggie Evans and you'll be able to forget all about last week's poor showing.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Donovan McNabb is Cheesin' on Billy Ray Cyrus

I'm not going to explain this picture. All you need to know is that McNabb's fashion sense has always been keen, he loves him some Achy Breaky Heart, and hangs out with a fake Billy Bob Thornton from Bad Santa

We also believe that after this photo was taken, McNabb auditioned for 'Friend #2" on an episode of Fresh Prince.

Carry on.

[pic via Redskins Blog]

Who's Up For Stealing the NHL's Idea?

Have you heard about the fantastic concept the NHL will adopt for their All Star game this year? You didn't? It's OK, if you’re like most people, you don’t bother listening during the hockey segments of SportsCenter. Let me break it down for you:
1. Fans vote for their favorite hockey players to be included in the All Star game.

2. The chosen players will vote amongst themselves to choose two captains.

3. A FANTASY DRAFT IS THEN HELD where the two captains take turns picking the remaining players to fill out their respective squads.

4. After the NHL All Star game is completed, people will realize the draft was more fun than sitting through the actual game.
That last point is just my hypothesis, but it's rather likely. So how can we improve on this intuitive idea? Steal it and implement it in the NBA. Choosing teams playground-style works even better for basketball. There are too many players and specific positions in the NFL to have fun with it. MLB could use this to improve the dreadful All Star product they currently force down our throats, but there's really no denying this would work best in basketball.

Imagine how fun it would be to watch LeBron and Kobe picking teams:

Kobe: I'll take my man Kevin Durant.
LeBron: I select LeBron James.
Kobe: (looking at LeBron) I'll take Kobe.
LeBron: Gimme DWade.
Kobe: (glaring) Pau Gasol.
LeBron: Fine. I'll take Bosh.
Kobe: Delonte West.
LeBron: Fuck you.

Then when Chris Kaman and Andrew Bogut are the last picks, we'd all laugh. Good times.

Anyway, if NBA could make this team selection process part of their All Star Weekend festivities, I'd sure as hell watch. It's infinitely more entertaining than watching Leandro Barbosa, Thunder Dan Majerle and some WNBA chick compete in the utterly face-numbing 'Shooting Stars Competition'.

Although watching a 300lb Magic Johnson miss half court shots for 3 straight minutes is damn entertaining.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Where Does NFL Fine Money Go?

Where does the money the NFL makes from player fines go? It's a simple question for which you would assume you could get a simple answer. Not so.

For a league that's so concerned with their public image that it would hold an open competition to design the new poster condemning those terriblehorriblenogoodverybad concussions or without hesitation blanket the league in pink bullshit for a month, the National Football League is awfully quiet about some of their finances. Exactly how much money are they collecting from these fines a year? Where exactly is this money going? And, seriously, how much did they spend on pink hats, cleats, sweatbands, t-shirts, jackets, gloves, and hooker costumes cheerleader uniforms?

After some moderate searching, I found zero definitive answers. Most of what you'll get are tweens on Yahoo! Answers saying "It goes to charity." I found one good article, but the numbers are vague and it lacks specifics concerning the correlation between fine dollars and charity dollars. Having seen players-with-frozen-hands-laying-motionless-on-the-ground rise to an all-time high, and with so much cash getting taken out of players pockets, I think we all deserve to know what's happening to millions of dollars from this shifty-ass, Las Vegas-influenced billion dollar corporation.

So, until the NFL shows me where the money goes by say...I don't know...making a web page with a running counter of how much money was "donated" and giving certain winning fans the ability to pick the specific charity (EMAIL ME, NFL), I'm just going to assume that the money goes to Roger Goodell's elaborate penis surgeries.

Heard he had multiple procedures to that whole area. Hair dying, rings, racing stripes...the works. And trust me Rog', I'll make find pictures.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Eagles 26, Colts 24: What the WHAT!?

The NFL is Rigged - The spread was +3 for the Colts. The Colts were down 9 points late in the fourth quarter. Something needed to change.

Fast forward to 4th and 18. Last chance for the defending AFC champs. Trent Cole bursts off the line, and although Peyton Manning does a solid job of keeping cool in a closing pocket, the self-proclaimed Quarterback Hunter gets to the 4-time MVP and takes him down. Sack. Game blouses.

Oh wait, no, it isn't. Why? BECAUSE THE NFL IS RIGGED.

I can deal with the call in the first half on the Austin Collie hit. I can deal with the terrible defensive interference on Dimitri Patterson. There was a blurry line for each of those and it can be understood why the refs would call them how they did. But the 4th and 18 call was all-too blatant. In that fraction of time when the yellow hankie went flying in Trent Cole's direction for ACCIDENTLY TOUCHING THE BACK OF PEYTON MANNING'S HELMET, the 4th wall for me was dropped and I saw the awful truth. The NFL is rigged folks. It just is.

Fuck it, we won. Unless you bet the Eagles...cause then you lost.

What else did we learn? Vince Vaughn Was There, Why Challenge?, Booing While Freeze-handed Motionless Guy is on Field Should Replace Snowball Santa, Oh No, Nate!, CBS: NFC = WCWMichael Vick's Arm is Stupid, Andy Reid was a Giant Child, and Countdown to Showdown.

Allen Iverson Arrives in Turkey

Allen Iverson: Whoa, shit, IS THAT A CASINO!?

Deniz the Bodyguard: Cahm don, Allen. We muss get ta de arena.

Allen Iverson: Hmm.  So I guess titties are pretty big in Turkey, huh?

photos courtesy of the AP