Game Recap Haiku: Flyers 5, Panthers 2

Many thanks to TWW friend Rich

Stanley Cup Finals Preview (With Jokes!)

By TWW friend Rich
1997. That was a great time to be 13; Nike was in it’s prime and everyone my age craved the butt ugly 190 dollar basketball sneakers they made. Nike even made hockey cool, with commercials featuring Sergei Federov and our very own, Rod “The Bod” Brind’amour. A lot of boners happened in 1997, too, thanks to MTV spring break specials and scrambled porn.  However, the biggest boner I received that year came when the Flyers made it to the Stanley Cup Finals for the first time in my young life. Unfortunately, The Redwings took me to CB Perkins and ordered me cockblock waffles with blueball syrup.

And yet, here we are, 13 years later, as Flyered up as ever. The memory of the sweep still haunts us, but in retrospect, that 97 Redwings team was one of the best teams of all time(s) so it eases the pain a little, but damn, what if.... Anyway, the time has come to punish bad memories, win some mutha fuckin hockey games, take home the Stanley Cup, bring it to Old City, party with it at some stripper’s sorority, and drinkith from its herpes infested glory! Oh yes my friends, I can taste the Abreva already.

In order to drink from Stan’s mug of champions, we gotta take down the Blackhawks…like in that movie. The Flyers are the Somalian warlords that shoot down helicopters with bazookas, but instead of bazookas we have heavy slappers from the point. It’s gonna be great, I’m so Flyered up right now ova’ here!

Take a look at the matchups:

Flyers Suffering From Swaggeritis? Second Round Preview!

By TWW friend Rich
Few sounds are greater than the horn.  The impact of 20,000 MARTY chants and the soft moans of a woman are both pleasurable noises, but the sound of the horn after a Flyers goal is in perfect harmony with my soul. So it's pretty awesome that the Flyers advanced to the second round of the Stanley Cup playoffs, cause now I get to hear more horn.

We beat the busted ass Devils who really didn't scare me as much as they usually do this year. Marty B looks old since the Olympics and Kovalchuk just never really fit into that squad as he tried to go Space Ghost coast to coast everytime he touched the puck. That shit don't fly in the playoffs. I'm not gonna make excuses for the Devils, I hate the Devils, this is about the Flyers, but the Devils did look pretty bad and the Flyers are gonna have to step there game up if they wanna advance to the third round.

Hey! Another Flyers Post!

Welcome to the second installment of Flyers coverage from the ever-articulate guest writer Rich.

The Fly Guys are good, right? They score a lot and don’t allow a lot of goals, with 59 goals for and 41 goals against in 16 games. They are winning games this month, 6 of last 8 with a home record of 8-3-1.

Q: So why are they only in the middle of the division?

Hey! A Flyers Post!

So far, so average.

At 5-4-1, the red-headed step children of Philadelphia sports started out focused and sharp this season with an opening day shutout, but then lost their Ritalin, got juice all over their lips and started playing in the dirt.