The Newer(est) Helmet Design for DeSean Jackson

Widened helmet for advanced cranium support, enlarged face mask, siren and illuminated safety lights, a "Brain on Board" warning sign, and the new NFL Caution Towel. Safety first.

Far more advanced than Brian Westbrook's previous model.

Errbody Dougie, Er-Errybody Dougie.



Shout out to TWW superawesome friend Joey C. for the Photoshopness.

Dolla Dolla Bills Yall: Week 9 NFL Spread Picks

This pic has made its way around the interwebs, but it just makes me wonder if that guy's arm was really taken off in a shark attack incident. God, how I hope there's an incredibly embarrassing story he's trying to cover up with that tat. Perhaps a lawnmower accident? Maybe an angry elevator door?  Or possibly a harrowing ordeal involving a chain-link fence and a llama?  Whatever it was, it's infinitely more likely that it was the roof girder accident when he was 7 than the deadly harpoon fight he had with a South African great white.

We're just about at the halfway point of the season. The Shark's record against the spread stands at 64-48-5 and the Cowboys are fast approaching 1-15. All is right in the world.

Onto the picks!

Madden Drops McNabb's Stamina Rating Eight Points

It looks like Mike Shanahan, the head coach and supposed mascot for the Washington Redskins, has some pull in the Madden world. After Shanny's benching of Arizona McHuskyshape, the folks over at EA decided to drop the former Eagles QB's stamina rating from a 97 to 85 in their Week 9 update. This now assures that you'll be playing with Rex Grossman after scrambling more than 10 yards with Donovan.

Hooray for simulated football justice!

Also of note, the game's developers have decided that Kenny Britt's unlubed raping of the Eagles secondary wouldn't go unpunished as they dropped Ellis Hobbs' overall rating from an 81 to a 76 and Nate Allen's from a 79 to a 71. To reiterate: Kenny Britt has single-handedly made the Eagles' defense 13 points worse. RU Rah Rah.

h/t to Deadspin and PastaPadre

NPR Hipsters Vs. The Philly Taco: WHO YA GOT!?

Maybe this is a real thing people do. Maybe it was fabricated by some Williamsburg-to-Philly transplant. Either way, I want one. A Jim's cheesesteak (my favorite) wrapped in a Lorenzo's slice: The Philly Taco.

Check out the full story to see if homeboy here (who is apparently married to his chunky cardigan and Bieber hair) can finish the challenge.

Tim Hasselbeck: McNabb Has Always Been Fat, Lazy

So by now you've all heard the story of how Redskins coach Mike Shanahan benched Donovan McNabb at the end of last Sunday's game because he lacked the "cardiovascular endurance" to run the two-minute offense. Now, former NFL QB, current ESPN analyst, and noted Beta male Tim Hasselbeck weighed in on the situation today on Mike and Mike in the Morning with the following comments:

"I was a teammate of Donovan McNabb's in Philadelphia. One of the things that drove them crazy in Philadelphia was the lack of tempo at which he practiced.... It was always something where you're leaving the quarterback meeting and it would be, 'Hey, listen, the head man wants a little more tempo today.' Nearly every single day. That's been the deal with Donovan McNabb. I know exactly what Mike Shanahan is talking about."

Ooo, Timmy's talkin shit. YA BURNT, Donovan! I guess you'll just have to go back to being the multi-millionaire starting quarterback for the Washington Redskins while Hasselbeck hides the black eye he got from his wife under a pair of dark sunglasses.

Oh, and after the jump there's a picture of McNabb wearing a du-rag getting stretched out by a thick white lady. Enjoy!