Will Chase Utley Win 2010 NL MVP?

Mayyyybe...? Allow me to explain.

You can't just say yes. Because to say yes means that Albert "Jesus Christ Holy Shit" Pujols won't win it -- and I'm not prepared to make that statement. Since 2001 Poo-joles has never hit below .316 and has never had less than a .400 OBP, 100 RBI, or 30 HRs. Those are big dick numbers, my friends.

But yes, our man Chase is certainly in the chase hunt. Tons of reasons why. Since 2006 two Phillies have already been awarded MVP (Howard in '06 and Rollins in '07), so history is on our side. He might get a production boost from Ed Bighead hitting in the 2 hole. He's hit 28+ HRs in the past four out of the five seasons and finished with 93+ RBI in those years. He plays "old school". His blood smells like cologne. His "game hair" has a Don Draper-like slickness to it.  And, lest we forget...he's the best second baseman in the damned universe!

Also, this 18 year-old New Yorker with the Yahoo handle "Machinehead 625 NYR NYY NYG CUSE" says to "keep an eye on him". If a source as credible as this doesn't convince you that Utley has a legit shot, nothing will.

Boo? Fuck you.