Marlin Jackson Conversation: A Transcript

[Scene: Philadelphia Eagles NovaCare Complex, Philadelphia.]

6:15 AM. Random day about a week ago.

Enter GM Howie Roseman. Roseman enters Head Coach Andy Reid's office. Andy is enjoying a double bacon triple cheeseburger w/ a diet coke. Roseman, revolted, hands Reid a sheet of paper.

Roseman: "Andy isn't it a bit early for a cheeseburger? It's 6:15 AM."

Reid: "Nom Nom Nom."

Roseman: "Right...well...here is the free-agency evaluation you wanted. I finished it up last night. Not a whole lot out there, this damn CBA is really messing everythi...."

Reid: "Safety. I WANT A SAFETY."

Roseman: "Andy, what the hell are you yelling for? Calm down, heart attack...remember? The doc's told you to take it easy. You have to watch your blood pressure."

Reid: "I'm starving. This burger just didn't do it. Are the cooks here yet? I need some meatloaf."

Roseman: ".....sigh...."

Reid: "Ok, well, a safety...that's what I want. A safety and a quarterback."

Roseman: "Andy, forgive me if I'm wrong, but we already have three quarterbacks. We're picking up Vick's option. You love Donovan and Kevin. So I think we're set there."

Reid: "Hmmm...how about Brady Quinn? The Browns don't need him."

Roseman: "Andy, seriously, we already have three guys. A fourth just wouldn't make sense. Can we talk about the safety now?"

Reid: "Howie, how long have you been a GM?"

Roseman: "You know that answer, just about two months now."

Reid: "Right...so do you think you're qualified to be a GM?"

Roseman: "Of course I do...I learned a lot from Tom, you, Joe...wait, why the hell are you asking me these questions now? Shouldn't you have asked these before?"

Reid: "Perhaps. Just testing you. I'm sure you'll do a good job. Anywhooooo, what do we have for safeties?"

Roseman: "Well there is Antrel Rolle. He's been up and down, but he knows the position. I think we could work with him..."

Reid: "Nah, sounds too viable. Plus, the fans would probably be happy with that. I hate the fans, like vegetables. Except broccoli, I love me some broccoli...It does give me gas...but then again what doesn't, right Howie??"

Roseman: "You are a mess of a human being. Anyway, what about Darren Sharper? I know he's a bit old but he could work as we groom a younger guy, right?"

Reid: "That, Howie, would require me to draft a safety. Do you think I'm prepared to do that? I want lineman, quarterbacks and punters. That's it. No safeties. And let's trade out of the first round, call the Cowboys, they'll take our pick."

Roseman: "Ok, I'll give them a call later. How about we take a look at..."

Reid: "Marlin Jackson?"

Roseman: "Um...he's a cornerback. Plus he's only played 10 games the last two years, combined. He's blown out both ACL's."

Reid: "I like him. Let's do it."

Roseman: "Wait, don't you want to talk about this? I mean, the whole 'sign the knee-injury guy' thing didn't really work last year with Stacy Andrews did it?"

Reid: "Stacy Andrews had a back injury, Howie. Idiot."

Roseman: "Um, I think you're thinking of Shawn, his brother. We have him too, ya know."

Reid: [thinking]

Roseman: "Andy, Shawn Andrews...our old starting guard. Back problems? Missed the whole season? Get's his Michael Phelps on?"

Reid: [thinking]

Roseman: "Jesus Christ, whatever. Anyway, I know I'm not a football guy, but Marlin Jackson can't be our best option."

Reid: "I disagree. He's got everything I want in a safety. Two reconstructed knees. Minimal experience. Played only in the cover-2. Trust me, this will work."

Roseman: "Like Macho Harris worked?"

Reid: "Howie, get out of my office."

Fin.