Monday, December 28, 2009

Sad Wrinkled Dolphins

So as you probably already know, the Colts lost this weekend. Way to go Curtis Painter, if the Colts run the table the rest of the way, you'll forever be known as the asshat who ruined a chance at history.

I don't know about you folks, but I wanted the Colts to go undefeated. Why? It's not because I'm a Colts fan, nor because I'm a big NFL historian.

The reason?

I cannot stand these talking heads from the '72 Sea Mammals. I want nothing more than to break their old spirits and see their pride stepped on.

How many more times do I have to see Nick Buoniconti and friends clinging glasses of champagne. Is there nothing else on your bucket list you should start working on?

Oh, and the loudest of them all - Mercury Morris. Christ. Shut up man... Could you be anymore bitter towards life?  They way you talk, it's like you're hoping people will confuse you for an all-time great.  Truth is,  you're covering up the fact you only rushed for 4,133 yards in your whole career. Enjoy your crappy pension, poor healthcare, and new living being a spokesman for men's hair restoration.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind someone taking pride in their work -- but these stagnant farts need to be put in their place.  We don't need to hear from you every single year.
Anyways, I'll stop the hating and just say here's hoping that some team (god willing the Eagles) goes undefeated one of these years so we can end this '72 Dolphins nonsense. Either that, or maybe this guy will pay old man river a visit and take care of business.

Mercury Morris sucks.


  1. Say what you will about the '72 Dolphins, but leave Nick Buoniconti out of this. Sheesh.

    Oh, and don't forget those annoying Nutrisystem commercials with Don Shula (I'm not so sure it's the Nutrisystem causing him to lose weight so much as the feebleness of his old age).

  2. my favorite is how they play up the sexual aspect of nutrisystem. the bitches love Don Shula now that hes lost 32 lbs!

    ...even tho he's 80 and his penis stopped working a decade ago.

    sexism is fun, kids!