Thursday, January 7, 2010

Matt Mosley Finds Typing Difficult While Fondling Cowboys' Balls

DALLAS - Matt Mosley, NFC East Blogger for and former writer for the The Dallas Morning News, has reportedly had difficulty writing balanced articles leading up to the Cowboys' playoff matchup with the Philadelphia Eagles due to an abundance of Cowboys players' balls in his hands.

Mosley, an award-winning writer who is best known for coddling his beloved Cowboys and producing biased articles towards the rest of the division, first discovered the problem while attempting to think of something positive to say about the Eagles.

"I walked over to his cube and saw Tony Romo and Miles Austin standing there, bottomless," an anonymous ESPN editor explained. "Matt definitely had both of their scrotums -- four testicles total -- cupped in his hands. I'm not sure how he's going to produce this story on the success of Philadelphia's rookies without those hands."

When reached for comment, Mosley slovenly mumbled "MMMRRGH GGRRURGPH DROMMGRR MMMRRH HRRM," seemingly unwilling to take Romo's dick out of his mouth.

"He's the best," moaned Romo. "After you've had Jessica Simpson and get used to the kind of head that a fat chick can give, Matt's the only place to go."

There is no update as to when said story will be completed.

1 comment:

  1. What the f*U&^.? You philly people are sick, disgusting you know whats. You guys really are the armpits of America.