Thursday, October 28, 2010

Yuck it up, Dipshits.

An article over at the Wall Street Journal has validated all of the hatred I have for NFL pregame shows. They are completely unnecessary, completely annoying, and completely un-funny. I haven't watched a pregame show in years, and I'm a much happier person for it.

I honestly don't know who is devoting their time to these shows. We don't care about the shitty montage you've put together of last week's big hits or an interview where Pam Oliver verbally fellates Drew Brees. There's better stuff on the internet. There was a time NFL pregame shows were a great source of last minute fantasy football updates, but no longer is that remotely true.  I can Google whether or not Joseph Addai is playing a helluva lot faster than it takes these dopes to shut up and turn it over to Jay Glazer.

But nothing is more annoying than the forced banter and jokes that fly during each week's pregame show. It's all fake and it's all very unfunny. I wish Strahan would just boo loudly off camera when Terry Bradshaw's joke inevitably bombs. Instead, they have a good chuckle that goes on 20 seconds too long.

Thanks to the WSJ, we now have statistical evidence:
"The amount of time they laugh, though, is what sets them apart. The five hosts on Fox’s show—Curt Menefee, Terry Bradshaw, Howie Long, Michael Strahan and Jimmy Johnson—had a combined laughing time of two minutes, 22 seconds. That’s about 11.6% of the 20 minutes, 27 seconds they were shown on set together. Mr. Bradshaw was easily the laughing leader, going for about 92.4 seconds—including 2.5 seconds at the start of the show before anyone said anything.

The CBS crew—Greg Gumbel, Dan Marino, Bill Cowher, Shannon Sharpe and Boomer Esiason—only laughed for 43 seconds. That’s about one-third as much chuckling as the group at Fox. CBS declined to comment. Fox Sports spokesman Lou D’Ermilio says, “If we didn’t tell the guys to stop they would laugh and crack jokes 100% of the time."
Nearly 12% of the time, the ass-jacks on FOX are yucking it up! This is why nobody likes you Terry Bradshaw. This is why.

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