Monday, December 21, 2009

Eagles 27, 49ers 13: Yawn City

We're in the playoffs! Countdown to soul-crushing defeat: Tminus 2-4 weeks.

We also learned that DeSean is our Savior, we're so hot right now, Mike Vick has tender thighs, Yelling is better than scoring, you should see Avatar, and Philly fans are sensitive.

DeSean is our Savior - I mean, really. Remember last year when we only made the playoffs because we were lucky / praying to Satan? Well, DeSean Jackson is a major reason why we're no longer in that position. The jerkin' 23 year-old dropped a casual 6 catches for 140 and a score on the Niners and propelled the good guys to their eighth playoff appearance in Fat Andy's 11-year stint. All hail Lord DeSean.

We're so hot right now - That's five straight victories, ladies and gentlemen. The Saints? They lost to the Cowboys. The Vikings? They lost to the Panthers. The Cardinals? They lost to the Niners last week and damn near lost to the Lions. The birds are streaking right now at the perfect time (as they usually do) and have put themselves in an excellent position for the playoffs. Hey, we may even get a first-round bye! Chuuch.

Mike Vick has tender thighs - Officially a quad contusion, unofficially a thigh concussion. Hopefully this doesn't carry over 'til next week.  In the words of Andy himself:
"We'll see how he does -- it's pretty sore right now, so..." [clears throat] [mustache]
Yelling is better than Scoring - Leonard Weaver...c'mon buddy. You've been awesome so far with your big dude, downhill running style and flame tattoos...why ruin it all by squabbling with some random 49ers linebacker while the rest of the team waits on the 14 yard line to score. Didn't you know that I was starting Brent Celek this week? What's wrong with you?

You should see Avatar - I know this is not Eagles related, but the point still stands. You need to see this movie. As one movie critic put it, "Watching it, I began to understand how people in 1933 must have felt when they saw King Kong". I don't care if the plot is laughably simplistic and the dialogue is as uninspired as...I right now -- you still need to see this movie. In the theater. James Cameron's 3D technology is on some next, next, next level shit. The only downside? I could have used a nipple slip or two.

Philly fans are sensitive - It's hilarious that while we are known as some of the most cold-blooded, ruthless, I'd-commit-male-rape-for-a-Superbowl fans in the world, we get so sensitive and crybaby-ish when anyone from the national media stereotypes us. Yesterday some of our Philly fan brethren were throwing snowballs onto the field and caught the ire of the national media. Immediately, NFL blog sites were filled with fans from our city complaining that we were getting unfair treatment from the national media because Jets and Ravens fans were doing the same thing. Cry me a river, guys.

I like that we get that sort of "negative" publicity from the national media. I understand that the snowballs-at-Santa story is a tired and trite portrayal of a Philly fan, but the reality is that's how we're seen nationwide. We shouldn't run from who we are -- we should embrace it. It's intimidating. It shows passion. And, most of all, it's not that far from the truth. I'm sure we've all seen our fair share of terrible, "oh-my-God" moments at a Philly sporting event. Why is it, then, that we run away from our national identity? Because we're not like that? Because the Phillies are good now and baseball is a more jovial sport? Because we don't harass opposing fans endlessly? Child please.

"Yeah, they were throwing snowballs at the refs, Howard Eskin," Sheldon Brown said. "I guess they were trying to hit everybody they didn't like."

I wish we would have thrown more snowballs and hit Eskin right in his dumb fucking always-playing-devil's-advocate, douchey local celeb face.  AND I wish they put that shit on Sportscenter. This is Philadelphia, bitch.  These things happen.

Go Birds!

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