Friday, December 25, 2009

FUTURE NEWS!: Dawkins Hit Knocks Westbrook into Series of Random Concussions

PHILADELPHIA - The first concussion Brian Westbrook suffered after a brain-rattling shot from Brian Dawkins would prove to be far from the last.

Westbrook, who was knocked out of last Sunday's game against the Denver Broncos early in the second quarter and suffered his third concussion of the year, would later find himself losing consciousness in sporadic moments ever since.

"At the time, I felt the same as I did after my second concussion earlier this year," Westbrook explained. "Then the next morning, I woke up in my Fruity Pebbles all milky and [stuff]. That day, I passed out like 14 times and suffered four more concussions -- the worst one being when my girl hugged me too hard. She was --"

Westbrook passed out mid sentence.

Upon revival, he was convinced the year was 2011 and that he was playing for the Patriots.

"Coach Belichick is a smart guy, you know? He's just been giving me opportunities at the right time and I think, if I can keep my concussions down to only once or twice a week, we can --"

He fell to the floor once more, seemingly from a happiness-induced concussion. Coach Andy Reid has some legitimate concerns about the future of his star runningback.

"Uh, well uh.. [clears throat] he's been having a rough go here and we're just hoping for the best. We tried to get him in the pool for a light workout," Reid elaborated. "He nearly drowned. So we toned it a bit down further and just had him riding the bike. I'm not sure exactly how he got his pants off but he must've been drooling on himself for a little while there."

Despite the warning signs, the Eagles organization is still optimistic that Westbrook can be ready for the playoffs.

"In the end, we're still a better team with Brian," Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb explained.  "His experience, his blocking, his leadership, his concussions -- these are all things that make us a better football team."

"Wait, did I say concussions?  No, my mistake.  Those are terrible.  I gave him a [fist] pound after practice and thought I killed him. Dawkins really [expletive] him up."

The Eagles will end their season at Dallas with the division on the line.  Westbrook is listed as Questionable.

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