Would You Discuss Undergarments With This Man?

[PennLive] Rip Alan Swartz, 43, of the 100 block of East Main Street, turned himself in Tuesday to Upper Allen Township police on charges of harassment relating to the sexually explicit calls to local businesses in October. Police say female employees at the businesses would receive phone calls from Swartz on multiple occasions when he would attempt to engage the women in conversations about pantyhose.

Ole Rip Alan here kind of looks like an old school relief pitcher from the early 80's with that shaggy, drugged out, mustachioed look. Although in actuality, I'm going to guess his greatest success was working night security at an area Bambergers. Anyway, the article goes on to say he placed over 400 harassing calls a day to unsuspecting ladies. That's some hardcore dedication - 400 calls DAILY? Dude was committed and nobody can take that away from him. But my favorite part about this clown came in the last sentence of the article:

He was arraigned in Hampden Township on Feb. 11 for 21 counts of harassment and released on bail with the condition that he not call or visit Hooters, Bob Evans, Applebees or First National Bank of Marysville.

Cue the Sesame Street 'One of These Things is Not Like the Other' music. I hope it was worth it pal. You just cost yourself a lifetime of wings, sausage links, mozzarella sticks... and... uh... bank withdrawals.