This Is Why No One Reads The Sporting News

I love statistics, lists, and rankings as much as the next guy, but holy shitballs - The Sporting News has no idea what they're writing about anymore.

Each year, they comprise a list of Major League Baseball's Top 50 players. These rankings are decided by a brain trust of 125 experts. I'm not sure what type of time vortex or bizarro world these "experts" are stuck in, but my God... this is probably the worst job of judging current talent I have ever seen.

Flyers Take Game 3

Claude Giroux scored 5:59 into overtime and Philadelphia finally exhaled. The Flyers are back in the series.

After an incredible back and forth game, I really had no idea what to expect going into overtime. These teams have played pretty even hockey for most of this series (one could argue the Flyers have been the better team overall) so either team could have left last night with the win.

Jackass of the Day Award: Jim Joyce

If you have ever made a terrible mistake, you'll certainly empathize with what Jim Joyce did tonight. Detroit Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga was one out away from a perfect game when the fu manchu wearing dumbo Joyce decided to call Jason Donald safe.

Unacceptable.

Panic Time, Jodie Foster Style

For those of you unlucky enough to have never seen the movie Panic Room, let me offer you a quick synopsis. A woman (Jodie Foster) and her diabetic daughter (Kristen Stewart) buy some old guy's house in manhattan that has a pimped out panic room. The night they move in, three dudes (Jared Leto, Forest Whitaker and Dwight Yoakam) try to break in and steal some bearer bonds that are locked in a safe in the panic room (Leto plays the old guy's grandson). Jodie Foster sees them on the security cameras and locks her and Stewart in the panic room before the burglars can get to them. The sneaky thiefs try everything to get into the room, but it's basically a fortress so nothing doing. They get frustrated. They get angry. Eventually Foster's ex-husband shows up at the house, the burglars kick his ass, Foster leaves the room, Stewart is sick and needs medicine and two of burglars die (one of those events is out of order and I skipped over some major plot points, sorry). It's really not that good a movie - kinda boring and a has silly "bad guy shows a good side" ending. But it does serve as the perfect metaphor (probably not) for what the Phillies offense is going through right now.

God Hates Marlin Jackson's legs

As per PhiladelphiaEagles.com:

Marlin Jackson went up to defend a pass down the middle of the field, came down on the artificial turf inside the practice facility at the NovaCare Complex and the whole picture in the defensive backfield changed. For how long, we don't know (yes we do), but a ruptured Achilles tendon sounds like a season-long injury (it is). Jackson, signed in the off-season as a low-risk, high-reward player, reacted the way players react when they know they are seriously hurt.

Jackson immediately clutched his right leg, rocked back and forth, and then took off his gloves and threw them to the ground.

MARLIN JACKSON: Oh my God...aarrgggdggddd! WHY God...WHYY???

God: Because you are the owner of Roy Spancake's legs, Marlin.

MJ: Oh my God!

God: Yes?

Perfect Game = Blingee Time

This ain't no fuckin game! Arf! Arf!

The time is right. It's been over six months since I last did a Blingee, and this one is well-earned. Perfect game. Eleven strikeouts. No dudes on base.

Zero dudes on base.

Hustle. Loyalty. Respect.

A Random ESPN User Wins The Weekend

Sadly, Philly sports fans were denied multiple orgasms this evening. The Flyers weren't able to pull out a win in the opening game of the Stanley Cup Finals. (Don't worry... that's why they make them 7 game series.) But as promised, history was indeed made tonight - Roy Halladay became only the 20th pitcher in the history of Major League Baseball to throw a Perfect Game. Words really can't express just how friggin ridiculously awesome this is. If you need me to explain this feeling to you, you're not a real sports fan and should leave our site immediately.

While I cannot say enough about the tremendous accomplishment Halladay achieved today, I'd be remiss to not mention the ultimate 'You called it' moment of all-time.

Time To Make The History

On the radio this morning, I heard the official song of summer - one none other than 'Summertime' by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince.  That song is still fantastic and has held up over time as well as any other.  And with that, Memorial Day weekend has arrived.  Relaxing, BBQing, alcoholing, and all around good times are to be had for the next few days.  I believe there's even a little sporting event starting tonight...

In about 6 hours, the Stanley Cup Playoffs will begin.  Get ready for some fun... and history in the making.

GO FLYERS!  And grillin' goodness!

The One Where We Discuss Pitch Counts

Much has been made of the use and effectiveness of pitch counts in baseball. The way MLB is currently managed, it seems nearly all teams enforce the pitch count out of fear their multi-million dollar walking investments stay healthy.  But does it all really matter?

Glad you asked anonymous reader. The Wiz Wit is taking it upon ourselves to hash out this pitch count hubbub. Our good friend Mike is on board to take the side of pro-pitch-count. Yours truly is here to show you why pitch counts make about as much sense as thewizwit.com without dick and fart jokes.

And away we go...

The Donovan McNabb Era, Summed Up By A Woman

[This is from the latest Bill Simmons' mailbag.]

Q: Isn't the Eagles letting go of Donovan the ultimate "it's not, you it's me" scenario? Donovan has been dating the Eagles fans for years now. In the beginning it was exciting and risky. You never knew what he was going to do with the ball and he kept you on your toes. Like when my boyfriend liked to give me massages and surprise me with a card or a have breakfast for me. Each encounter (insert mood music) is hot and fresh. Then after 12 years you've found yourself faking moaning and hoping things get moving so you can fit in your 40 minutes of DVR before bed. I know all his moves and when he's going to high-step it two yards short of the first down. I know when he's going to throw it at DeSean's ankles. K-squared may not be perfect but at least his faults will surprise me. Donovan, it's been great. I loved the good times. But it's time to move on. It's not you, it's me.
-- Lauren

SG: Funny e-mail, concise, original angle. That's what I'm talking about! And by the way, only a woman could have summed up the McNabb Era in Philly.


I have to agree with Simmons on this one...she nailed it. I feel bad for her boyfriend though. He obviously sucks in bed.