Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Blueprint (3) for the Birds

I'm going to take this opportunity to give a genuine thank you to Andy Reid for what he has accomplished thus far this season and in his overall tenure as head coach of the Eagles. I understand that it's playoff time and tensions are high, but what we talkin' about here, really? You can hate all you want, but let me serve as a reminder to what he's done so far this season. Sure, we've seen that a star is born in Shady McCoy, but our retard helmet superstar running back is on his last legs. Reid has steadfastly captained a ship with a brand new O-line, a franchise quarterback that won't be young forever and is only marginally liked by his teammates, a dead defensive coordinator, a convicted dog murderer, a season-ending injury to his starting middle linebacker, the second youngest team in the league, did all of this in a notoriously high-pressure football hotbed, and got them to an 11-5 season. Worried because of the result of last Sunday's game slaughtering? Get like AR, the Birds, and the wiz wit's banner: off that and onto the next one. This man hasn't lost a first-round playoff game -- ever. So chill the fuck out -- especially those of you on WIP. Fat Andy and Donovan F. run this town.

Will they win this weekend...who knows? Playoff games are as real as it gets and if they show up like they did on Sunday they'll be D.O.A. The Bad Guys are also already home, but I think the chances of the Dallas Cowboys shitting the bed in the playoffs are always good.  Jerry Jones is so ambitious for another Superbowl that he personally helped fund a $1.2 billion football mega-church, but there is some feeling of inevitability for this team to fail when it counts most.  Hopefully it'll be the Eagles that brings that failure.  And hopefully that night, when his empire state of mind diminishes and a crestfallen Jones kicks the last Laotian stripper out of his Texas-shaped jacuzzi, the screams of his frustration will reverberate off the tiled walls of his underground stadium sex dungeon and be heard all the way to Philadelphia.  Hopefully.

Uh...Venus vs. Mars.


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