Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Athletes Don't Make Shit

Believe it or not, there are thousands of people on this planet who would kill themselves if they earned the paltry scraps that America's professional athletes receive. These people are called billionaires, and they live in the (presumably luxurious) shadows of society. They walk among us -- faceness, nameless, and unappreciated. They don't get the benefit of hearing 50,000 fans chant their name or the thrill of screaming at the sky in championship ecstasy. No, they get none of this recognition and still manage to be the driving force behind many things we take for granted. They have the tough jobs: they sell our oil, they control our governments, they manage our hedge funds. And what do these poor men (and Oprah) get in return? Four billion dollars in a single year? HIGHWAY ROBBERY!

So, in honor of the tireless service of these undervalued overlords, I've plugged the 2009 earnings of the world's highest paid CEO into ESPN's Salary Crunch to see how he stacks up against everyone's favorite overpaid first baseman. This one's for you, Ray Irani of Occidental Petroleum Corporation! Maybe one day you'll be on the richest people in the world list. Probably not, though.

And good luck hitting those 267 HRs this year, Ryan.

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