We Love You Donovan! (Not McNabb)

So I was at an off-site work meeting for most of this morning, constantly sneaking glimpses at my co-workers' Android phone-powered live feed of this match / trying not to get fired. What...OFFISDES!? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

[whispering]
"We just need to bomb every country with a FIFA ref, period."
"Oh, totally."

Second half was spent in the office, blatantly watching the shit en español on Univision's website. Then it happened. 91st minute stoppage-time goal by newly-christened American Hero Landon F. Donovan. The office exploded. Car horns and cheers coming from the streets. Full on Sparta.

Boo This Man!

This is the guy responsible for several awful calls in the USA/Slovenia match including a bullshit call-back of the 3rd goal winner for the US. He is Koman Coulibaly from Mali. He's the reason we tied instead of won. He stinks.

USA Head Coach Bob Bradley: "I still don't know why the goal was disallowed."

Neither do we, Bob. Did the U.S. do something evil to Mali at some point (besides probably turning some of its people in slaves several hundred years ago)? According to Wikipedia, "Mali’s relations with the West in general and with the United States in particular have improved significantly". What the French, Toast? We ain't cool?

Koman Coulibaly, go back to Mali, play your Kora, and eat a diet heavily based on cereal grains you Darryl Strawberry-headed snake!

Rick Reilly Has A Vuvuzela Shoved Up His Hindquarters

Did you happen to catch Reilly’s article over on ESPN today? He seems to be awful bitchy about the World Cup.

Actually, pretty much just the vuvuzela in particular.

To Brighten Your Monday Morning

Just look at that split-second-too-late desperation lunge. Still funny.

The best part of the whole event to me were the ridiculously boisterous boos coming from the bar (and every bar on the block) whenever David Beckham was shown on the "tele." Turn that frown upside-down, Becks.

courtesy of With Leather.

UPDATE: this is too good to ignore

USA! USA! USA!

The Three Lions can lick my three balls. Yeah...you didn't know that about me did you?

HUGE match tomorrow.
USA vs. England.
Evil vs. The Country Formerly Known as Evil.
Cheeseburgers vs. Boiled Beef.
Democracy vs. Democratic Monarchy.
Savvy Black President vs. Stuffy Elderly Queen.
64 oz. MOUNTAIN DEWS vs. LAME-ASS BREAKFAST TEA.

Rex Ryan understands how important this is. The Embassies understand how important this is. Pride is on the line here, folks!

If we can beat these limey pricks at their best sport, we'll own bragging rights for DECADES. And we're not even using our best athletes -- they're too busy playing sports that require all four limbs. We got goddamn RAPPERS out there! If Kobe and Wes Welker were playing shit wouldn't even be close!

In closing, FUCK BP. I'm gonna be drunk by 10am tomorrow.

USA! USA! USA!