Monday, November 23, 2009

Eagles 24, Bears 20: Mike Vick is Alive!

Awwwwww shit, son!

But that wasn't all we learned.  We also found out that Chicago uses the strip button, Jason Avant has superstar skills, Andy decides to run, We shouldn't take McNabb for granted, DeSean Jackson is the fucking man, Sav Rocca is terrible, We need Akeem Jordan back, and -- as I've stated many times here before -- the Bears suck.

Chicago uses the strip button - You know when you're playing Madden against a kid who is so good at using the strip button that it makes you want to beat him to death with his own controller?  That kid is a real dude that plays in the NFL and his name is Charles Tillman.  The guy had 3 forced fumbles yesterday.  Tres! He even managed to punch the ball out of McCoy's arms after he held RB button (or R1 for you Playstation people) to cover the ball.  That shit was frighteningly annoying. Kudos to Mr. Tillman and his ability to make Madden appear even more realistic.

Jason Avant has superstar skills - What is it that keeps this guy from being a star in the league?  Is it speed (or lack thereof)?  Because from what I've learned through NFL commentator cliches over the past 5 years the speed of a WR doesn't matter -- only the route-running.  Avant is building a pretty nice resume for himself with 12 Catches for 182 yards and a touchdown in his last two games.  He's got incredible hands, the strength to break tackles, and decent size as well.  What is it that keeps this guy from being Anquan Boldin?  Personally, I'd love to see the Eagles force-feed Jason the ball for the remainder of the year and see if they can't up his value and trade him for a pick or two.  This dude is a gamer.  Plus he does that cool shaky hands to the sky thing after big plays.  I'm not sure if hes a Jesus-freak or something, but I like it either way. 

Andy decides to run - 33 passes to 30 runs -- and we win!  How 'bout that, Andy?  Balance works!  It's funny -- when you follow a team as closely as we do, you begin to feel as if you know what's best for the team at all times.  You develop a feel for the team and each of its parts.  You understand their rhythm.  You know all about that McNabb shovel pass play they used to do at the goal line.  You know what players are liabilities, and which ones can be used to exploit defenses.  So watching Andy and Marty call 56 pass plays last week (when you know that's a bad idea) is kinda like watching someone else fuck your girlfriend -- poorly.  This week, when they called a more balanced game, it's still like watching someone else fuck your girlfriend...but at least they did her right.  Good job, Andy.  Way to fuck my girlfriend correctly.

On a side note, I liked that he didn't get away from using the Singleback stretch play.  It worked all game and he used it consistantly to gain 4-6 yards.

We shouldn't take McNabb for granted - People still scoff when Fat Andy says that McNabb is a future Hall of Famer...but maybe he's right.  A mediocre Donovan McNabb is still better than the majority of the league's quarterbacks right now.  I understand its trite to get into this whole pro-McNabb/anti-McNabb hoopla, but sometimes it's best to just take a breath and be thankful that our QB doesn't throw multi-INT games.  Like, almost never.  The guy does that shitty smirk thing after he plays poorly, and he dances around too much in the pocket, and he thinks hes faster than he really is, and he throws a lot of passes in the dirt, but I'll take all of that nonsense over Jake Delhomme anyday.  Yesterday was just another casual 244 yard, 2 TD performance from the greatest QB in Eagles history.

DeSean Jackson is the fucking man - Seriously tho.  The finger-roll with the hand behind the head?  Classic.  He's got 4 receiving TDs of 50+ yards (1 for 48), is averaging 15.1 a carry on rushing plays, a punt return TD, and is the main reason why the Eagles have the second-highest punt return average in the league right now.  Thank God we traded our 2007 first-round pick to Carolina because if we hadn't, we wouldn't have DeSean right now. 

Sav Rocca is terrible - This dude punted the ball 16 yards at one point.  16. I can punt at least 30 -- I'm goin Vince Papale Invincible on the punting situation next year.

We need Akeem Jordan back -This rotating MLB thing is horrid.  Akeem Jordan is most certainly one of the unsung heroes on the Eagles defense, but when we see Moises Fokou running into his own players and Joe Mays completely unable to cover anyone, we begin to really miss him.  Jordan's absence has forced the hand of Defensive Coordinator Sean McDermott, and in the meantime we've seem some pretty terrible linebacker play.  When Jordan returns, he and Gocong can take their natural outside positions and Witherspoon can man the middle.  Until then, it's awkward rotations of players too old (Trotter) or too young (Mays) to be effective.

The Bears suck - I've been saying it for weeks.  Chicago isn't that much different than Philly -- it's a tough 4-sport town to play in.  Cutler has entirely too much pressure on him right now, and with no decent WRs on his roster and only a mediocre Defense, his propensity to get all Favre-y and gunslingerish bites him in the ass.  He only threw one INT yesterday off of a tipped pass, but you can see the strain in this guys' eyes.  He wants to play well, but right now the Bears just don't have the reliable running game, receivers, or defense to keep him from looking like a crappy QB.


  1. i'm glad you finally brought it up ... because i've been meaning to tell you for years that pretty much everybody has been fucking your girlfriend ...

  2. yes, but are they fucking her CORRECTLY? It takes a balanced attack -- you gotta come at her from both ways.

    wait, we're not talking about football anymore are we?

  3. me and lodi came at her from both ways.


  4. Be honest, you and Lodi came at eachother both ways