Friday, April 2, 2010

Dolla Dolla Bills Yall: Return of The Shark and Annoying Sports Sayings

A few weeks ago, a friend of the site left a comment on one of our posts wondering what happened to The Shark when we didn't make any wagers on the opening rounds of the NCAA Tournament.

Well, his (and your) lucky day has arrived. The Shark will be back on a weekly basis to give you a couple weekend locks on various games/matches/contests – whatever we feel like is a halfway decent bet. So for all you gambling degenerates out there, thank your fellow commenter for summoning the Shark. You know you were looking for a reason to place some nonsensical bet that you would've normally never made in the first place.

I guess that makes us enablers.

So here's the deal - it's the NFL offseason and football is what I know. My picks during the NFL season were documented at a winning percentage that many websites charge a premium for. While I'm certainly knowledgeable in all the other sports, I’m just a mere mortal man. Don’t come crying when our record is 3-9 after six weeks and we decide to axe this weekly feature till September.

In addition, you're only getting one or two games for the whole weekend. I'm a lazy shit and there's no way I like you enough to do any real research. But I'll try and make up for that by giving you some random commentary about whatever is on my mind or some silly observation I want to make.

Now that we got that out of the way... let me just quickly say how much I HATE the saying " the defense can pin their ears back…" What the fuck does that even mean?  I mean, obviously I know what the saying is referring to. But where does it come from, and who the hell chose those words to describe it? Pin their ears back. Why, for the love of Christ, would one need to pin their ears back to blitz a quarterback. Nonsense I tell you! You could literally replace 'pin your ears back' with anything you wanted. Why not "flip your eyelids" or "straddle the bathtub"? Stuff like this annoys me and keeps me awake at night.

Anyway, here are your picks. We're going to handicap both Final Four games for you.

Michigan State (+1) over Butler
Why? Because it's Butler. Could you ever really have thought Butler would be this close to a National Championship? I can’t even tell you what state Butler hails from. But seriously, Michigan State coach Tom Izzo has to be one of the all-time greats, right? He doesn’t seem to get mentioned as much as some of the other big names in college basketball, but damn, he consistently produces winners. Plus, Michigan State is 9-4 against the spread in their last 13 games and have covered in 25 of their last 36 NCAA Tournament games.

Duke (-2) over West Virginia
Why? Well, I don’t really have a reason for picking Duke actually. I'm not even going to pretend I do. It just seems like all the stars have aligned for Duke during this tournament. I'm not one to bet against destiny.

So there you have it. Good luck wagering all your disposable income on these picks. See you fools next week.


  1. Duke vs. Michigan is what I have also

  2. This news is Shark-tastic!!

    i'm looking forward to the shark picks all through the summer ... I'm always looking for spread picks on Nascar's Camping World Truck Series Races and the NBA Summer league... just something to think about.

  3. i was thinking Formula One and MLS for next week, but i'll see what i can do

  4. if youre looking for an inside tip, take the under in my work NY Urban League game next tuesday. My pinky hurts.

  5. 1 for 2, not bad for the shark's first weekend back. wait till you unleash your Bassmaster's knowledge on them...things are gonna get crazy!

  6. pinning your ears back refers to wolves hunting things. Didnt know if you were being sarcastic, but when wolves, or dogs hunt, their ears go down, probably so they can run faster. like a honda with a sweet wing and a bad ass exhaust system doin 60mph down lil gloucester road.