You guys remember this Universal Studios attraction? Pretty badass if I do say so myself. Look at the face of Gilligan there -- that's quality acting friends. I just wish that movie (and practically EVERY movie) didn't portray us Sharks as such dicks. That's SPECIEST, humans!
So last week we went an incredibly average 7-7 bring our yearly total to 44-29-3. While we warned you Week 5 was going to be a tough one, the Shark strives for excellence. We'll keep things rolling for Week 6 and try to add a few more games to the win column.
To the shark tank!
RAMS (+8.5) over Chargers
Here’s a rule that I just made up: Betting on the Chargers when they are on the road is not allowed. San Diego is like a different team on the road, and the Rams will want to show they aren't as bad as the team that got whipped by the Lions last week. Chargers will win, but not by more than a touchdown.
TEXANS (-4.5) over Chiefs
Here is my game of the week. I fully expect the Texans to massacre the Chiefs. Based off what happened to each of these teams last week, their meeting in Week 6 couldn't come at a more perfect time. The Texans got blown out by the Giants while the Chiefs hung very close with the Colts till the very end. You must remember Vegas' lines are greatly based upon public perception. The public still thinks the Colts are a 13-3 team and thus feel the 3-1 Chiefs must be a strong up-and-coming squad to hold their own against them. (Neither of those things are true in real life). The public will naturally be down on the Texans after seeing them get beat badly at home. In reality, they got thrown out of their gameplan early because of an injury to Arian Foster. They didn't make adjustments to the gameplan quickly enough once he got hurt, and the game got out of hand. Both Foster and Andre Johnson should be back this week and healthy enough to get through a full game.
Ravens (+3) over PATRIOTS
I'm only picking the Ravens because they're getting the points. This is going to be a close game and I'd recommend you stay away. I don't think the Patriots offense will suffer as much as people are thinking now that Randy Moss is gone. I really just think so little of the New England defense that it scares me too much to bet on them.
Saints (-4.5) over BUCCANEERS
Well, the Saints won't be going back to the Super Bowl anytime soon. I even hate betting on them here, but I have to believe they'll come in more focused with a better gameplan. I'm not sure how Tampa keeps winning, but I'm not impressed. Beating Cincy last week isn't that big of an accomplishment, but by the looks of the line, people seem to think it was. The public is finally losing faith in the Saints and this is reflected in the line. Now is the time ride them minions!
EAGLES (-2.5) over Falcons
Just moments ago, Twitter told me Kevin Kolb will be getting the start again this week. That news was almost enough for me to switch my pick to Atlanta. I just feel like Mike Vick's own desire to cram it up the Falcons' buttholes would've propelled the Birds to a double-digit victory. With no Vick, the Eagles need to find a way to keep pressure off Kolb. That's no easy task this week as the Falcons have excellent pass rushers and King Dunlap is about as useful as a bag of dicks. I'd expect the Eagles to use a lot of max protect and chipping from the backs and tight ends to help give Kolb some time. With time, I truly think KK will be successful. Another thing to note - has it occurred to anyone that the Falcons aren't as good as their 4-1 record? Their wins are against the Cardinals, Saints, Niners, and Browns. Those teams combine for a 7-13 record. Not exactly great competition. Even the Saints haven't played that well this year. The public is pounding this overvalued Atlanta team hard. Go the other way - Birds win 27-21.
Lions (+10) over GIANTS
I hate the Giants. There's nothing exciting about that team. While the Lions are far from good, at least they're somewhat exciting. Like a lot of the Lions opponents this year, I think the Giants will underestimate them and get caught in a closer game than they had hoped. In a perfect world, they'd lose outright and Brandon Jacobs would give Tom Coughlin a surprise nut-punch for no reason.
BEARS (-7) over Seahawks
I'm going to make an amendment to our Chargers Rule from earlier to include the Seahawks. So to recap - Never bet on the Chargers or Seahawks on the road. Seattle is even worse than San Diego when they venture away from their home field. Bears will win this one big at home.
PACKERS (-3.5) over Dolphins
At the time I'm writing this, it is unknown whether Aaron Rodgers will start for Green Bay this week. I'm making this selection assuming he does in fact start. If he's in there, the Packers should find great success against the Miami secondary. If he can't start, the Packers are screwed. They have no running game to fall back on, and their backup QB is completely inexperienced. But let's assume Rodgers plays and everything will be fine. Plus, Clay Matthews is friggin ANIMAL. He is not human. He's some sort of man/minotaur hybrid and he scares me.
STEELERS (-14) over Browns
I'm not a fan of laying this many points, but the Browns really may not score a single point here. Pretty much everything is working against the Browns in this matchup. Big Ben is back, so I expect the offense to move the ball even better than it already has through their first four games. Colt McCoy is making his first career start against one of the most ferocious defenses in the league. They will rip his child-like arm from his body and give it back to Chad Pennington. This one will get real ugly, real fast for Cleveland.
BRONCOS (+3) over Jets
Mark Sanchez has 8 TD's and zero INT's on the season - this simply cannot continue. A road game in Denver will change his luck. The strength of the Jets defense is its' ability to stop the run. Unfortunately for the Jets, the Broncos realize they suck at running the football and will throw from the jump. The Jets pass defense, while formidable, is still in the bottom third of the league.
49ERS (-6.5) over Raiders
Not only is an 0-5 team the favorite, but they're giving almost a touchdown's worth of points! You definitely don't see that very often. The Raiders are a publicly backed underdog, which you also don't see too often. Some would say, "This is a GIFT." I say you're a dipshit. The Niners are at home with their backs against the wall against a crappy Raiders team. San Fran is not as bad as their record. Don't get me wrong, they have a lot of problems, but they're not this bad. Vegas knows that, and also knows the 49ers will get their first win of the year in blowout fashion.
VIKINGS (-1.5) over Cowboys
This is a very tough game to call. These are two very desperate teams. We'll go with the home team for one reason: Randy Moss. He's not as good as he was a couple years ago, but he's still one of the best in the league and will feed off the Vikings home crowd. And don't forget - Randy Moss OWNS the Cowboys. Check these stats in 6 career games against the Cowboys - 30 catches, 607 yards, and 10 TDs. Straight cash homie!
REDSKINS (+3) over Colts
It may be suicide to bet against Peyton in a nationally televised game, but I'm going with my gut here. I sense an upset. Not that this game really matters to me - I'll be at Game 2 of the NLCS while this one is on TV. I know you're jealous.
JAGUARS (+3) over Titans
And finally, the most boring Monday Night Football game of the season. Not even the presence of Chris Johnson could save this game. This one will be painful to watch (assuming anyone actually bothers). If you've been following along this season, I hate on the Jaguars pretty hard, but I'm going to go with those pathetic shitheads this week. It seems like the Jaguars love to play their divisional opponents tough and may be able to pull a win out at the end.
Good luck!
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