Name of the Year Has Returned - Let the Hilariousness Begin

If you are not familiar with what I speak, then you have been deprived of one of the Internet's greatest treasures.  Name of the Year has returned for Twenty-Ten.

This website is absolutely fantastic on so many levels.  It's your standard 64 entry tournament in the bracket format that all March Madness fans have been accustomed to.  In the end, there will be a name of the year crowned.  And these names are absolutely off-the-wall outrageous and hilarious. 

The best part is - they are REAL names.  These aren't made up.  Nohjay Nimpson, Charity Beaver, and Coke Wisdom O'Neal are all real, documented people that live within our society. 

I've been waiting for WEEKS for NOTY to post it's new bracket.  The giggle factor alone is tremendous.  It's amazing how a blog that only posts for about 8 weeks a year is this entertaining - but it is.

For the record, my Name of the Year Final Four is: Courvoisier Riley, Special Jennings, Steele Sidebottom, and Furious Bradley.  Steele Sidebottom wins it in overtime.  Epic.

Go HERE to fill out your bracket.  Follow along and vote at the NOTY home page.  You will not be disappointed.  Besides, we all know you had Kansas beating Kentucky in the final of the NCAA tourney and have no chance of winning your work pool.  Brandie from Payroll is winning that.

Ring Ding Dong

Mike Bell is an Eagle.

To preface, I had never paid attention to Mike Bell before last year. I'd heard of the name from fantasy and stuff but...you know...whatever. Early in the season, due to ludicrously-overpriced DirecTV my wonderful Sunday Ticket cable package, I got to see most New Orleans Saints games. Five words from what I saw: Mike Bell is the shit.

Yeah, yeah I'm not stupid or naive...we're not picking up Madden 2001 Eddie George here. The Saints wouldn't give up a great RB even if Reggie Bush is accounting for literally* (*not literally) a bazillion dollars against their cap in the coming years. You know, assuming that a salary cap comes back after next year. But I digress. The point: I am very excited about this.

Non-Sports: Census Time!

I'm sure you've all been good citizens and have promptly filled out your Census forms.  I personally am on my second "reminder" notice.  I'll get around to it when I'm taking a dump or something.

Now, I could try and do a bullshit job of loosely tying the Census into some type of crappy sports analogy.  But honestly, I'm too lazy for that and really just wanted an excuse to post this video.  Easily a top 10 SNL skit.  Probably in my personal top 5. 

Will Chase Utley Win 2010 NL MVP?

Mayyyybe...? Allow me to explain.

You can't just say yes. Because to say yes means that Albert "Jesus Christ Holy Shit" Pujols won't win it -- and I'm not prepared to make that statement. Since 2001 Poo-joles has never hit below .316 and has never had less than a .400 OBP, 100 RBI, or 30 HRs. Those are big dick numbers, my friends.

But yes, our man Chase is certainly in the chase hunt. Tons of reasons why. Since 2006 two Phillies have already been awarded MVP (Howard in '06 and Rollins in '07), so history is on our side. He might get a production boost from Ed Bighead hitting in the 2 hole. He's hit 28+ HRs in the past four out of the five seasons and finished with 93+ RBI in those years. He plays "old school". His blood smells like cologne. His "game hair" has a Don Draper-like slickness to it.  And, lest we forget...he's the best second baseman in the damned universe!

Also, this 18 year-old New Yorker with the Yahoo handle "Machinehead 625 NYR NYY NYG CUSE" says to "keep an eye on him". If a source as credible as this doesn't convince you that Utley has a legit shot, nothing will.

Boo? Fuck you.

Spare Me The "Cinderella" Shit

I hate articles like this.

Every couple years we get this rehashed crap about parity in college basketball, how anybody can beat anybody in March and how even the little guy has a chance. Really? This drives me friggin' nuts. We are only TWO years removed from ALL FOUR #1 seeds reaching the Final Four. The year before? Two #1's and two #2's. Last year? Try two #1's, a #2 and a #3.

Parity exists in the first two rounds. It always has. Big-time teams can play tight, look rusty and a mid-major can knock them off when they play great. It's what makes the tourney so great, we all know this already. But minus George Mason in 2006, the parity stops there. Yes, you'll occasionally get the #4 or #5 seed in the Final Four. However, those are top 25 teams already so it's not like they're true "cinderella" stories. Smart money still says Syracuse, Kentucky and Duke will make the Final Four. That would give us three #1 seeds, I'm not seeing the parity there Gene. And even if a Saint Mary's, Cornell or Northern Iowa somehow gets to the Final Four (this isn't happening by the way) it just means this was a down year for the "haves." Hell, perennial powerhouses UNC, UCLA, and UConn didn't even make the tournament this year. That's saying something.

So spare me Gene Wojciechowski. Please go out there, do your job and come up with an original story that interests me. Please.

But, after all, he is same douchebag that wrote this article.

How Friggin Good Will Roy Halladay Be?

Baseball season is right around the corner and TheWizWit [dot] com is here to get you prepared with more Phillies knowledge than your tiny little brain can handle. Over the next few weeks we're going to answer a multitude of questions facing our 2010 Fightin' Phils, all leading up to the ultimate question: Will the Phillies win the World Series? [The answer, yes.]



Honestly, this is kind of a silly question. Roy Halladay is an unbelievable pitcher, easily the best pitcher the Phillies have had since Curt Schilling. But, to follow the rules here, I'll give a little more to pump you up about watching Mr. Halladay take the mound every five days.

Will Cole Hamels Bounce Back This Year?

Baseball season is right around the corner and TheWizWit [dot] com is here to get you prepared with more Phillies knowledge than your tiny little brain can handle. Over the next few weeks we're going to answer a multitude of questions facing our 2010 Fightin' Phils, all leading up to the ultimate question: Will the Phillies win the World Series? [The answer, yes.]

This may be one of the most important questions facing the Phillies in Twenty-Ten.

Will we get the World Series MVP Cole Hamels? Or will we be stuck with 2009 version featuring a prim donna, Hollywood head-case who'd rather complain about what time of the day he pitches than dominate the diamond?

Marlin Jackson Conversation: A Transcript

[Scene: Philadelphia Eagles NovaCare Complex, Philadelphia.]

6:15 AM. Random day about a week ago.

Enter GM Howie Roseman. Roseman enters Head Coach Andy Reid's office. Andy is enjoying a double bacon triple cheeseburger w/ a diet coke. Roseman, revolted, hands Reid a sheet of paper.

TheWizWit Wallpaper Wednesday...Bye Week!

I'm sleepy. I have a new position at my job. I now work 12-hour days. I have endless meetings and a litany of new responsibilities. I'm sleepy.

Time for a bye week.  Enjoy my McNabb-focused laziness below.

Fantasy Baseball Preview: Top 100 Hitters

Ok, so now that the WizWit team has guided you to a top pitching staff, it's time to tackle the hitters. Anyone can figure out who to take #1 (it's Albert Pujols folks) but what do you do after the top 10? Or worse, after the top 50?