Steelers > Jews

Apparently a news station in Kentucky had the Steelers beating the approximate 11 billion (figure, again, is approximate) Jewish folks that live in the New York metro area.

I'd make another joke about hoarding money, huge noses or pastrami , but I think WLKY has done enough already.

h/t TedWilliamsHead.

Afternoon Links: The Gatekeeper

Jeff Passan: Spring Training Preview - Passan compares the Phils to the Miami Heat.  Minus the egos, dickishness, and national hatred.  [Yahoo]

Surfer rides 30 foot waves at Hawaii's most notorious reef break in the complete darkness of night. - This video totally reminds me of the last scene of Point Break. Johnny Utah is waiting on that beach to bring you down, brah.  [The Grind TV Blog]

Flavor Flav To Open Iowa Chicken Place - This dude is the personification of coonery. [Yahoo]

The Chinese Play Us All for Fools - So the Chinese pianist who played during President Hu's trip to the White House played an anti-American propaganda song and their whole country is laughing at us. [Althouse]

Yes, Yes, Mike Tomlin Looks Like Omar Epps - Deal with it. [MediaTakeOut]

Speaking Of Deal With It - Oh, Gucci. Amberlamps, Amberlamps, 911, 911. [Gif Party]

Real-Life Peter Griffin - The green pants may be photoshopped, but this is still a winner. [The Whoa]

Best Video Game Induced Slap of All Time - And it happened to an infant. I love the delayed reaction of the child from "what the hell happened" to "I probly should start crying". [WSHH]

Whiskey in a Can - 12oz of whiskey in a can. The company says it's "the perfect size to be shared between 3 people." Goddamn I love this country. This is perfect for those get-drunk-fast situations i.e. football games, long train rides, in line for a club, marital strife, etc. [Gawker]

Matt Mosley Will Write Something Useful At Some Point

Thanks Matt Mosley; that was extremely helpful. I wasn't certain they'd go after a defensive coordinator, but luckily your crack reporting has quelled all our speculation. Sure, as far as I know, nobody actually likes you. But that doesn't stop you from getting answers to the tough questions. We all appreciate you taking the time to update ESPN's NFC East blog with this bombshell. I know you had to get cracking on that next Cowboys post.

[ESPN]

The Best Philly-Related Tattoos

Last Thursday, our very own Wetz went on a Google image spree and found a disgusting number of people with sports-related tattoos. This week I present: the best Philadelphia-related tats.  By the way, there are a ridiculous amount of Liberty Bell tattoos that I refuse to post.  Once you've seen one, you've seen 'em all.

Many of the below were found on Philadelphia Weekly's blog. Enjoy.

Does This Look Like the Face of a Lawyer Getting Sued By Parents for Photoshopping Fake Kiddie Porn?

Threat Level - An Ohio lawyer who serves as an expert witness in child pornography cases might be on the hook for hundreds of thousands of dollars in civil damages for Photoshopping courtroom exhibits of children having sex. Attorney Dean Boland purchased innocent pictures of four juvenile girls from a Canadian stock-image website, and then digitally modified them to make it appear as if the children were engaged in sexual conduct. Boland was an expert witness for the defense in half-a-dozen child porn cases, and he made the mock-ups to punctuate his argument that child pornography laws are unconstitutionally overbroad because they could be applied to faked photos. Now, a federal appeals court decision (.pdf) is reinstating a civil lawsuit by the parents of two of the girls, potentially putting Boland on the hook for a minimum $300,000 plus legal costs.

"But it was for legal purposes!" Whatever, Creepy. Really, has there ever been a more amazing scam by a child porn enthusiast to legally perform his craft? I know, I'll go to law school, pass the bar, then I can dedicate my entire life to defending pedderasses all while photoshopping some kick-ass naked children pics! It's actually quite genius.

I just have this weird picture in my head of this dude alone at the public library late at night with glasses on, sweating as he so delicately edits some little boys' penis. "No, Dean...it's not good enough yet. You need better lighting effects..."

Here Is What Asante Samuel Has To Say About Jay Cutler

So basically, Jay Cutler is bitch.  But that's not all Asante had to say.  He took to his Twitter on multiple other occasions last night to let everyone knows what he thinks about Señor Cutler. 

Hit the jump to see some more trash talk from "The President CB".

Charles Barkley Likes Baconators

After that video ended, did some variation of "Oh Charles, how I love you" come out of your mouth? I mean really, is there anyone who isn't a Barkley fan? I don't think it's possible to listen to that without a smile creeping across your face.

Oh and in case you're wondering – Barkley’s Baconator and Large Fry is a total of 1500 calories and 87 grams of fat. Goddamn fast food.

Crazed Twins Run Into Highway Traffic, Get F*cked Up

Buzzfeed - A pair of insane Swedish twins in England react to a traffic stop by running, one after the other, into oncoming traffic. Then things start to get strange.

Best footage of somebody getting hit by a car ever. I have no idea how these two chicks survived.

Even crazier is the large-scale story of these two. The sisters, Ursula and Sabrina Eriksson, have also gone through episodes of jumping off of bridges into traffic and killing people for no reason. All because of "a rare induced delusional disorder which caused the pair to be temporarily insane." Wow.

AZ Restaurant Owner To Sell Lion Meat, Upset Woman Compares Him & Mike Vick to Hitler

CNN - Lion tacos. Lion tacos? According to the Arizona Daily Star, a Tucson eatery will be serving up the kingly dish for one of its weekly exotic taco nights. Past efforts have included python, elk, kangaroo and turtle, the paper reported. “I'm doing the African lion to get my name out,” he said. “I've never tried it myself, but this one really caught my eye.”Well, Mr. Mazon, judging from your Facebook page, it caught the eye of a few other folks. “What did you want? attention? congratulations, i know you. i also know who hitler, ted bundy, and michael vick are,” wrote poster Tricia Rider Kachymers.


Okay so I know this story has only the loosest of ties to Philadelphia sports, but Arizona has lion tacos now! Lion tacos! Arizona is off the hook: psycho mass murderers, Mexican drug cartels, DMX, mandatory DUI desert tent camps...it's just a crazy goddamn state.

Oh and Tricia Rider Kachymers (and all the Tricia Rider Kachymers of the world) -- grow the hell up. Taco shop owners and dogfighters aren't exactly in Hitler's league.

Steelers Win, Big Ben Gets Raped

Good to see Big Ben on the receiving end for once.