I'll Take Random Videos for 200

What better way to stumble into the holiday weekend than to end your work week with some randomness?

So while you're sitting at work (undoubtedly doing nothing) check out these vids before you embark on a weekend of BBQ's, bocce ball, and alcohol with family and friends. And just think, if you're really lucky, you'll have the privilege of being forced to sit through life-draining fireworks!

And with a tip of the cabana cap, away we go.

Look What I Found...

Whether you're a diehard and sufficiently brash Eagles fan or a dude named Dallas who loves birds and gettin laid, you've gotta appreciate this piece.  Stumbled upon this gorgeous artifact of 100% cotton while rifling through Dad's house. Might have a small bleach situation happening on the "F", but still a great find.

There's this cloudy memory I have of my father and I going to an Eagles game and him buying this in the parking lot. I've searched for a "Fuck Dallas" t-shirt vendor at every game since and haven't seen a single one. Anyone ever see a post-kelly green era version?

And I'm not talkin a "Dallas Sucks" shirt. You might as well pull up your panties and head back into the sanctuary with that wack-ass Cowboy fan level of hostility. I mean a shirt that says "Fuck Dallas."

Also...where is it acceptable to ever wear this t-shirt? You can't wear this to the supermarket...you'd be one of those people. If you've got any semblance of common courtesy, you can't really have this on in public at all. Even if I rocked this shit to a game, once I walked past a kid I'd feel compelled to censor the 'U' with my hand or somethin.

This is definitely one of those nervously-watching-a-playoff-game-in-your-basement 8 Miller Lites deep type of shirts. Yeah.  I can't wait.

This DL Thing Really Grinds My Gears

Chase Utley and Placido Polanco hit the DL today. That isn't good news. Even with their recent surge, which has them back to within 2.5 games of the Braves, the Phillies have more to worry about now than three weeks ago. Can they survive without Utley and Polanco in the order? Who will step up? Why the hell don't we still have Cliff Lee? Will I work late every day? These are the questions keeping me up at night.

The Most Ridiculous Headline of All-Time:

This is a screen-grab of an article I saw on Yahoo this afternoon.  You can see it in its entirety HERE.  You can also see that it's completely retarded. 

I don't know what's worse - the Knicks 'source', or the SportingNews for quoting something from 'zagsblog.com'.

How anyone thought this was legit news is beyond me.  Doesn't common sense kick in at some point?  Shouldn't someone have said "Wait... this 'source' is full of shit.  That didn't happen." 
The best part is when the source continues to try and rationalize the reasoning:

“I don’t care what most people think. I’m not saying that LeBron is not a good player but other stuff comes with it. LeBron’s friends want jobs. You’re gonna lose running your organization. As time goes on you gotta hire this guy, you gotta hire that guy.”

The Source then asked everyone to "move their feet" as he had to "mop the rest of this shit up." Sigh...you poor delusional bastard. 

The Source went on: "I'm not saying the iPhone 4 isn't a fantastic device, but a pink RAZR with rhinestones on it is what we wanted all along."

Alright commenters, your turn.  Come with your best.

E.T. HAS LANDED! SIXERS DRAFT EVAN TURNER!

We took the best player available. Let's hope that lucky ball from Heaven that mysteriously handed the Philadelphia 76ers the #2 overall pick pays off. As long as Derrick Favors doesn't turn out to be Dwight Howard*, we should be extremely happy to have Evan Turner on this team. 

*superman dunk = g.o.a.t.

Ron Artest Wouldn’t Even Do This

Here we have Kobe Bryant and family celebrating the NBA Championship in Disneyland.

Is it me, or is Kobe committing a pretty big foul here? You can't go around wearing a t-shirt featuring a big picture of your OWN face. Didn't anyone tell him the lead singer can't wear a shirt with the name of the band on it? If nothing else, it just looks… uh, goofy (PUN INTENDED! HONK, HONK!)

Seriously though… come on Kobe, you're better than that.


[Pic via Ocean County Register thru 'Recommended Reading' at the700level]

Johan Like-a The Sexy Time

So apparently Johan Santana was accused of rape last year. On a golf course. TMZ has the story, but it's only fair to note he has never been formally charged with any wrong-doing.

However - in light of this news, I'm starting to seriously think his other thumb IS up that girl's cornhole.

We Love You Donovan! (Not McNabb)

So I was at an off-site work meeting for most of this morning, constantly sneaking glimpses at my co-workers' Android phone-powered live feed of this match / trying not to get fired. What...OFFISDES!? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

[whispering]
"We just need to bomb every country with a FIFA ref, period."
"Oh, totally."

Second half was spent in the office, blatantly watching the shit en español on Univision's website. Then it happened. 91st minute stoppage-time goal by newly-christened American Hero Landon F. Donovan. The office exploded. Car horns and cheers coming from the streets. Full on Sparta.

TheWizWit Wallpaper Wednesday!

Although this picture was already featured before in a previous post, we here at TWW feel that it didn't get enough shine. PLUS, it was our first genuine user submission. So many thanks to TheWizWit friend Dave P. for giving us this masterpiece send-off to everyone's least favorite (ex) Sixer, Sammy Deez.

Oh Keanu, won't you ever cheer up?

Goodbye To You

Greg Dobbs is no longer a Phillie.

I understand this is a sad day for all, especially since Dobbs was so goddamn terrible. I mean, the dude was batting .152 this year. He was absolutely useless considering he couldn't play the field (he was otherworldly bad at third) AND since he never got regular playing time he was struggling as a pinch hitter. Honestly, this might be addition by subtraction. (Granted, there is a chance he makes it through waivers and is optioned to Triple-A. However, he can simply refuse that assignment and go off on his merry way. I'm assuming a guy like him, who probably thinks he can contribute with regular playing time, will end up leaving and latching on somewhere. But who cares really?)

Ultimately though, we will remember Dobbs for his awesome 2008 season where he was the best pinch hitter in the history of time. He was a contributer on the World F-in' Champions, so for that we'll be forever grateful. And, of course, we'll always remember his grand salami against the Mets in '07. That hit helped the Phils sweep the Mets and moved them only 3.5 games back in early September. We all know what happened next.

Fuck the Mets. Love you forever, Lou Dobbs.